(Closed) Bridesmaids and their dates

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t do a head table with bridal party. If you do, you need to allow at least the married BM’s husband sit with her. If I was in a wedding and wasn’t allowed to sit with my husband at the reception I would be a little peeved. Her DH would be by himself and if they’re flying in for the wedding they deserve to be able to sit with each other. The ones in relationships really should be able to sit with their dates too. What is the point of a date coming along to the wedding if they can’t be with their SO at all the whole day?

Post # 3
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I wouldn’t assume they want to stay away from their partners the night before since they will be traveling in for the wedding.  I also wouldn’t sit the bridal party dates separately, that will be pretty awkward for them. 

Post # 4
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We only have 2 each in our bridal party so there is 10 of us total with spouses.  The 10 of us are sitting at one table.  With that many people you will probably have to spilt wedding party up so they can with with their guest/spouse.

Post # 5
1490 posts
Bumble bee

I did a huge Kings table and arranged for spouses to sit together. I cut it off at spouses though since my bridal party was so big. Everyone with a spouse in my party loved this and a few wives/husbands thanked us for not separating them during the reception dinner. In my mind, I wanted to sit with my husband, so why shouldn’t they as well?

Post # 6
3877 posts
Honey bee

I gave all wedding party members plus ones. This to me is an absolute must. For seating, we decided to have our parents at the table with us as well as some of our siblings (basically the singles ones). Our other wedding party members either had kids with them or knew a lot of other friends at the wedding so we spread them out at different tables so they’d be with friends or their kids. I wanted them to be able to be with people they would have fun with and not necessarily be stuck at our table since we barely were at our table ourselves. I think having a head table with all wedding party members creates a lot more issues and isn’t really worth it unless you can seat their dates at the table too. I was actually the date of the best man in a wedding and I had to sit by myself with a bunch of strangers. It SUCKED.

As for the hotel room situation, I would maybe see how your bridal party members feel about doing like a sleep over the night before. If most are interested, maybe you can do a suite with them, and if they have dates that want a room, they pay for that seperately. They are going to end up paying for a separate hotel room on the wedding night anyway, so I really would just offer to have whomever wants to stay in your suite, do that. If a bridesmaid just wants to be in a room with their date, I would give them that option, and let them pay for that themselves. 

Post # 7
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This is what I would do:

-Offer to pay for a big suite if they want to stay with you. If they prefer to stay with their date, they can pay for their own room. The 2 single gals might want to stay with you, maybe one of the people in a relationship’s BF cant make it, etc. So I would keep the offer open, but you can’t make it manditory that they stay in your suite nor do you have to pay for their room with a date. I would also offer the single ones +1s because they are travelling. 

-I hate when people don’t let their Bridal Party sit with their dates. Either at a table all together, or with their friends. You are already monopolizing their time for the entire day (plus if you are having them do anything for your ceremony the day before), the reception is supposed to be thanking them. So I would do either: a head table with your family, a sweetheart table, or some long ass harvest table that will fit everybody (2 sided). You could be seated down the center of the room, like this https://i.pinimg.com/736x/47/2c/ee/472ceec5545b75e7261211fffa144de1–wedding-reception-table-layout-wedding-seating.jpg 

Post # 8
3377 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I sat my bridesmaids and groomsmen at different tables with their dates and just had us and our parents at the head table. I would definitely not expect your bridesmaids to all share a room/rooms (if I was travelling with my husband I would not be willing to share a room with anyone besides him) so it might be best (but not totally necessary IMO) to just cover all the room costs. 

Also I don’t think its too early to be asking your girls at all! As a bridesmaid I would for sure appreciate being asked sooner rather than later to budget, get time off etc.

Post # 11
3377 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
akshali2000 :  I think your ideas of seating most of the wedding party at the same table and offering to pay for a joint room for those who are interested both sound really good 🙂

I asked my bridesmaids right after we got engaged, 18 months before the wedding, and there was zero drama or falling outs at all. We also booked our venue right away so they knew far enough in advance when it would be. I think if your wedding is a multiple day event, I would especially want to be asked as soon as possible! 

Post # 12
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We did a “king’s table” at our reception – which included the bridal party, their dates, and DH’s parents and my parents. I think there were like 26 of us around a giant rectangular table. It was awesome, everyone gets to sit together, no hurt feelings or awkwardness. 

As for paying for rooms, that’s a really nice gesture, but are you thinking that the BM’s will be staying in different rooms than their dates? That seems odd to me. I wouldn’t be super enthused about that. 

Post # 14
386 posts
Helper bee

These comments are so interesting.. I must come from Mars because I’ve never heard of going about seating in some of the ways PP have suggested. I’m not being rude or judgemental by any means!!! Just is neat to see the difference in the societal/cultural norms. 

I’ve always gone to weddings that have a “head table” (maybe this is what you call a “kings table?”) and I’ve been in weddings with the head table. Meaning – the entire bridal party sits up at this head table, usually situated at some center focus point in the reception venue. Bride and groom sit in the center, next to each other of course. Then, on the brides side is where all of the bridesmaids sit and the groomsmen sit on the side of the groom. Never have the parents or any immediate family sat with the bride/groom NOR have dates sat next to the bridesmaids/groomsmen. You eat dinner at the head table and then once the “social part” (dancing, etc) starts thats when you just go mingle.. its sort of just an unspoken rule at weddings where I’m at, sounds mean but it really isn’t that bad. I’ve been to weddings where my SO sat up at the head table with the other groomsmen (he was the best man) and he sat there thru dinner then after is when he came to where I was sitting (with other mutual friends) and mingled. My SO has also done the same when I was a bridesmaid. As for parents, there were set tables reserved for the parents and outside family (grandparents, brothers, sisters, close cousins, etc) that way family gets to sit together. 

In my experience, most dates tend to sit near/by each other and socalize while their other half does their wedding party duties. Sure, it sucks not being with your date until the latter part of the evening but oh well.. its the bride and grooms day, not yours. However, after the ceremony, if you go with the wedding party to take photos before the reception, the dates are usually invited along. Again, where I’m from people usually get party buses and they allow dates to go on the party bus with them. 

To your point of paying for the hotel room – get a consensus of what girls would stay the night with you and then decide. If you decide its worthwhile to rent the hotel room, you pay for it and just have your girls pay their portion (split it, unless you are paying for everything for them). If they want to stay with their date in another room, that is their financial responsibility. 

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