Post # 1
I was reading a different post of a wedding gone awfully wrong and many bees were criticizing the bride for expecting her bridesmaids to help clean up after the reception.
Is this not normal? I thought this was one of those un-written rules of being a bridesmaid: help out where you can, and one of the best places to do that is after the reception. It is something that I’ve done at every wedding I stood in, weddings for my cousins and weddings of close friends. Someone has to do it and the venue staff is only concerned about their piece of the pie. They won’t know how to package everything or how to ensure that rental items from other companies are properly sorted and returned, etc… The wedding coordinator is only a single person with two hands. Having some help is awesome and it’s something that I am grateful for in advance.
There is a strong theme on these boards about how bridesmaids only have one job and that is to show up in the dress. Let go of all the other expectations. And while I agree with loosening up and letting your friends and family live their lives, I’m also counting on my friends to give me a hand and make sure things go smoothly on the day of. I would absolutely do the same for them, even if I was never asked to stand in their wedding.
Is it that awful to ask your bridesmaids for a favor? Who else is going to stay behind and clean up the reception and make sure things don’t go missing?
Post # 2
Who else is going to stay behind and clean up the reception and make sure things don’t go missing?
How are the bridesmaids supposed to know if something is missing? I’ve used this saying before, but you dont pick bridesmaids (or gm) based on how much shit they can shovel for you. They absolutely should not be expected to clean up. If YOU dont want to clean up, HIRE SOMEONE. Also, what if something were to happen – they drank too much/got sick/had an emergency – and you were counting on them to clean up. What then? At the end of the day its YOUR wedding and YOUR venue and YOUR responsibility.
Post # 3
I don’t think you should ask your bridesmaids to help clean after a party. I wanted my bridesmaids to have fun, not work after my reception. The staff cleaned up after the party and allowed me to put specific decor away the following day. It’s all about budgeting and planning accordingly.
Post # 4
No I don’t think its normal to ask to any guests to clean up. Help decorate I could see that (but I didn’t ask my Bridesmaid or Best Man to do that) but after a long day and big party no one wants to worry about cleaning up they want to have fun. The staff at the venue I chose cleaned up.
Post # 5
rockclimberbride : “Who else is going to stay behind and clean up the reception and make sure things don’t go missing?”
People that are hired – and paid – to take care of these tasks. I don’t expect my friends and family to do anything but enjoy themselves at any event I host.
Post # 6
I hired a DOC to supervise the setup and cleanup. Her assistant and two staff members (who then became servers when guests were around, but were setup/cleanup before/after) did the actual setting up/cleaning up.
I’ve helped out with friends weddings, but never to THAT extent that I was expected to stay sober and clean up after the party! 😮 😮 Helping out was doing the brides hair and makeup while we were getting ready (I’m no pro at all, but both times it was brides who never use any makeup at all so I had that going for me).. or it was going with the bride dress/shoe shopping.. or it was going with the bride to the crafts store to help her pick out fabrics/paper for her DIY projects.. stuff like that.
Post # 7
I’ve never been asked to clean up after being in the weddings I’ve been in.
We just got married and our friends helped gather our gifts and took them home for us, but that’s it and they were staying at our place while we got a hotel so it made sense logistically.
I’m down to help out at a wedding but to be expected to clean up the venue at the end of the night is not something I’ve heard of.
Post # 8
It’s really, truly not on your friends to bag trash in formal wear after an extremely long day. They’re going to be exhausted. They have to get up early for make-up and photos, they stand through the ceremony and are expected to be lively and dancing all through the reception. A lot fo the time, the bride asks them to stay overnight with her the night before as well, which means they’re not sleeping at home and may be sharing a bed or sleeping on the floor the night before. It’s not fair to expect them to wait until everyone is gone, take off their heels and put in a few hours of cleaning.
It’s also not fair for them to have to be responsible for things that go missing. If the bridesmaids are ostensibly in charge of boxing and returning the rented centerpieces, are they now financially responsible for any centerpieces not there at the end of the night?
They shouldn’t have to clean, just like they shouldn’t have to cook. You get caterers and you get cleaners. And if you won’t get either, you do it yourself.
Post # 9
Is it that awful to ask your bridesmaids for a favor?
Well, considering your bridesmaids are probably your close friends or family members, no, it’s not awful to ask your friends for a favor. It’s not my job to help my friends move, critique their resumes, babysit their children, drive them to the airport, etc. but I do it because they’re my friends and I want to help them.
That said, there is a difference to me between a reciprocal exchange of favors between friends and a notion that “I bestowed the honor of bridesmaid on you, and in exchange you will help me with various tasks”. The latter rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 10
I have been in many wedding and have never been expected or asked to help clean up.
I have also worked at country clubs and reception halls and have never seen any part of the bridal party help clean after the reception is over. If there are rental items, the manager or event planner will know and have the staff set them aside for the bride and groom to pick up the next day.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I think it depends on the wedding? I’ve certainly been a part of lower budget weddings where everyone sort of chips in, there’s a lot of DIY, and the whole thing is generally kind of a group effort. In a circumstance like that, I think it’s fine to delegate a few cleanup things to your bridal party as long as they know that’s a part of the deal.
Post # 12
I think it all depends. If you are having a small and somewhat simple wedding (say 30 people) and your wedding party seems willing, that’s awesome! It could be doable as long as everyone is on board. If it’s a large and elaborate wedding, then I would not ask that the wedding party be the sole individuals left the handle all the clean up. *Returning the groom’s tux? Sure. Making sure gifts, cake toppers, personal items, bouquets, etc… get collected and taken to the appropriate place (home of the bride/groom). Of course. But cleaning the venue? Not so much.
*ETA – I’m speaking of situations where the bride and groom leave for their honeymoon that night like I did. My family and bridal party helped us out so we could leave on time.
Post # 13
Thank you for your polite responses. How were you able to get the staff at the venue to sort through everything properly? Obviously they know what belongs to them, but I’m renting lights that need to be shipped back (time sensitive) and items that belong to different sides of the family.
Also, the venue that I am getting married in did not seem to be interested in taking care of anything that they didn’t provide. How do you navigate that?
Post # 14
I need to clarify!!
By clean up, I am looking for help with storing our decorations, packing up gifts, collecting the cards, etc
The venue staff have food disposal, dishes, chairs, tables, linen stains, trash and recycling taken care of.
Post # 15
The only thing I’ve been asked to do as a bridesmaid is making sure the floral arrangements find homes at the end of the night. That just involved setting 2 aside for the grandmothers and convincing others to take an arrangement home with them haha.
At my venue the staff will clean up at the end of the night. They will take our DIY stuff and put it off to the side and take my rentals (table runners and dessert table set up) off to the side as well. I’ll pick everything up the next day. I’m planning on having the DJ announce that the centerpieces are up for grabs and to please take one on your way out if you want it.