(Closed) Bridesmaids are ruining my wedding pep :( *venting*

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@heatherdulce: Is your wedding date really 2013? If so, I think you need to take a step back. As is said many times on this board “Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do”. Sorry to say, but its true. As your wedding gets closer Im sure your friends will be more interested.

Also, an engagement party really isn’t a necessity. Maybe its a regional thing, but nobody in my circle has one.

It sounds like your friends have a lot of issues going on right now. Being a good friend means being there in good times and bad.

Post # 4
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

That sounds like a major bummer…. I know you are not supposed to plan your own showers…But maybe just a “wedding day” (or weekend) for you and your girls? I think its important to listen to what your friends are going though but if you want some “you time” make it! Book a time to go dress shopping with all of them and tell them they’ll need to check their drama at the door and focus on being beautiful!

 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have to say that if your date is really 2013 then I think you are jumping the gun a good bit. and I have to second everything that 

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@Bostongrl25: said. 

Sorry!

Post # 6
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not that you need to be a bridezilla but, maybe tell them you need stuff done. it may end up you doing more work than you thought but if an engagement party is what you want, you may be the one to have to get the ball rolling on it.

Maybe they are sensing your hidden resentment. maybe that’s why they are all for someone elses parties and lanning and not your own? – that is a total shot i the dark.

It’s tough to have really close friends who have drama. I eventually cut mine out over time cause it was too much for me, never had an arguement with them, I just pull away when someone does to me what they have done to you. i don’t see it as me being a bad “friend” I see it as me living my emotionally healthy life…

This doesn’t seem to be an option for yu though:( just wanted to let you know I have had that situation.

Unfortunately I think if you focus more on you and ween yourself from enabling them ( for lack of a better word) it might make matters worse. it is not too much to askk them to put aside drama for helping you. If you were asking them to change a healthy routine then, yeah, bridezilla, but to stop drinking and sucking the life force energy out of you with needless drama situations…i think thats fair. hope my post made a lil sense and if it didnt then I just really hope you find the support you need asap!

Post # 7
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah, I agree with 

View original reply
@Bostongrl25 too. I got engaged in June and my wedding is in two weeks and I haven’t had any parties. I think your friends are being there for you because they helped with your proposal. 

Post # 8
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@Crisark: I have to agree with these two.

Also, I was sympathetic until you said your clinically depressed friend uses depression as an excuse. I am also clinically depressed, though on the recovery, and I can tell you that I was depressed almost constantly and was on the edge of committing suicide many many times. I think it’s unfair to assume it’s all excuses when depression is real, it’s difficult, and your friend needs support right now. People thought I was using it as an excuse too until I ended up in the ER.

Post # 9
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t have an engagement party… I think that is true for a lot of people.  So I wouldn’t really worry about that.

However, I can see how you may feel these relationships are one-sided, because they have all the drama and need you all the time.  That is really difficult, especially since you are in a happy time.  I don’t know what really to advise, because personally I avoid drama at all costs and wouldn’t be friends with these people in the first place.

ETA: I agree with PP about the depression.  Is she being treated?

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@Crisark: I have to agree – I’m sure it’s very draining to feel like you are the only sane one in a group of troubled friends but do you really expect everyone to stop living their own lives just because you’re getting married in 17 months?? You may be being a bit unreasonable, IMO.

Just because your friends are all going through drama right now doesn’t mean that it’s going to last until you get married. Perhaps be a good friend right now to them and they’ll repay the favor once your wedding date gets closer.

I know having friends where drama seems to follow them everywhere is exhausting but if this is who they are, you would have known this to some extent prior to involving them in your wedding and you chose them anyways OR this is just a temporary situation that will blow over by the time you get married.

I’d say bite your tongue and be a good friend for now and if things continue as your wedding date gets closer (like no more than a year beforehand), then maybe tell them how you feel and how you need their support now too.

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@heatherdulce: Are you serious! First: You’re wedding in March 2013-nobody cares! Second: Sounds like your friends need their friend-so be one! Just because you are getting married (over a year from now) does not mean that it’s now ‘all about you all the time’. Your friends have problems and they need your support and none of that has ANYTHING to do with their happiness over your engagement. Grow up.

Post # 13
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@heatherdulce: It’s your wedding though, not your bridesmaids. although it’s nice for them to want to pitch in and help, it’s not required that they help you plan. It’s your decision to have a 500 person wedding, not theirs. Many brides on here get no help from their bridal party, they pretty much just show up the day of the wedding and stand up with them.

And ya, asking 1 full day a month from now until march 2013 is asking a lot. Especially since these friends obviously have a lot of very important issues going on. Do you think your clinically drepressed friend is really worried about wedding invites right now?

 

Post # 15
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@heatherdulce: Why are you friends then?  

Post # 16
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@heatherdulce: Wait…You are asking them to set aside one day a month to plan YOUR wedding for the next year or more??

Honey, you need to settle down just a little bit. It’s not their job to plan YOUR wedding. I know it would be great if they wanted to but it’s not their wedding it’s YOUR’S. They shouldn’t expected to do anything. They should only be expected to purchase their attire and show up on that day. That’s it. 

Sorry..

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