Bridesmaids bailed on me (support needed/vent)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

kitbuddy :  I’m really sorry… that sucks and is hurtful. I don’t know what a solution is, but I would feel the same in your situation. 

Post # 17
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

kitbuddy :  They both may be TTC and wanna stay as far away from the Carribean as possible. I know I would. This Zika crap only started about a year ago.. befoe that there was no such threat.. so they were totally cool going to your wedding but now they have to take a risk and they may be not willing to do it (i know I wouldn’t) ust saying. :/

Post # 18
11651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Do these 50 and 60 year relatives who are paying to come to your Destination Wedding to support you as you get married know that you don’t want to get married in front of them?

I get that you’re upset, and rightfully so, but this part of your post was really off putting. A lot of bees would give anything to have their family coming. It’s an honor. 

Post # 19
232 posts
Helper bee

kitbuddy :  when you do the math how much more per person is it for them to go to your Destination Wedding than it was for you to attend yours. Don’t include dress hair or makeup. Bc say your friends got married in the middle of nowhere. You probably stayed 2 nights at some Sheraton/Marriott for around $150 dollars and night or cheaper plus flight and car. USVI is much more expensive also look at difference in flight times also in peak season. I think I paid $500 per night at the Westin St. John. I would also recommend Caneel Bay which is incredible but much more expensive than Westin I’m guessing per night.  Anyway I don’t think people realize how expensive it can be when they say yes. You are thinking about paying to valet park your car? Some Resorts charge 20 per night to self park! Why don’t you rent a big house for everyone to stay in and give them money for flights?

Post # 20
235 posts
Helper bee

I disagree with other posters. You gave them the support they needed when they got married, and true friends would do the same for you. If they loved you, they would make it work and be there for you. Fickle people are the worst. 

Post # 21
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You need to try to be more understanding with them. The USVI are not cheap and if they are young teachers they probably are also trying to juggle student loans etc. so I can see how it would not be possible for them to swing that right now. If you wanted to guarantee their attendance you should have paid their way. 

Post # 22
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I had one bridesmaid cancel on me, but she had a good excuse! She would have had to fly from another state (to my city) and her due date was 2 weeks before the wedding, so I completely understood.

Is the reason they bailed the cost? That would be the number 1 reason, 2nd would be people not having or not wanting to use vacation time for someone else’s wedding. They should have been upfront in the beginning so I can sympathize with you.  I was a bridesmaid in 1 Destination Wedding (international). I didn’t really want to spend the money either, but she begged me so I agreed. We are not really good friends either, but I could afford it, so I went. The other bridesmaid (a teacher) could not afford it so the bride&groom paid for her airfare and hotel. They also paid for my hotel for a few nights too.  So that’s how you can really get people to go who can’t afford it…pay the biggest expenses.

Edited to add: agree with a PP, maybe they are worried about zika if they are pregnant or TTC?

If none of the above applies for reasons – they could easily afford to go, aren’t having some medical issue, pregnant, TTC, or some other very valid reason, I would re-consider your friendship with these ladies. 

Post # 23
232 posts
Helper bee

kitbuddy :  They are teachers? I think people don’t know what things cost. You honestly have to go forth with your wedding, have fun and forgive them. I am sure it was a mistake. USVI are unusually expensive. Richard Branson has a home there. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt spent NYE 1999 there. When I was there I had sticker shock which is hard to do to me. 

Post # 24
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

That’s really sad! What were their excuses? 

Post # 25
767 posts
Busy bee

I know it’s sad, and don’t blame you for being upset. But try not to take it personally- I know it’s hard, but do your best.

Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man seems to either be something that works for people or it doesn’t for a lot of reasons. I bet the reasons for not doing it have nothing to do with you. Chin up- it be a beautiful, amazing day no matter what! Nothing says you have to have bridesmaids for a beautiful wedding.


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