(Closed) Bridesmaids boyfriend got into a fatal car accident, what do I do???

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9988 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

lulu_bell:  I wouldn’t worry about crowding her, just be there for her, she must be devastated and probably in shock, too.  Btw, I am so, so sorry for your loss, something like this affects everyone, even friends of friends. 

Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

lulu_bell:  Call her to let her know you’ll bring some food over for her, and offer to just sit there with her for however long she wants you there. There are no words to comfort her, just tell her how sorry you are that she’s going through this and give her a big hug. 

Post # 4
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That is terrible. People react to these things so differently, some want space and others want a crowd to comfort them. Call and say you are available for whatever she needs, and check up with a call or text in the next 4-5 days.  I’m sure she will appreciate the support 

Post # 5
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Oh my goodness, how terrible! I can’t even imagine 🙁

We’ve dealt with a loss in the family and my Bridesmaid or Best Man (and Best Friend) sent us a little care package and a heart felt note. It meant so much to us – she’d put in some teabags, sweeties and cake. All things she said she would give us if she were closer. 

Based on that, I think taking some food over would be lovely. Pop it over but don’t just ditch it on the porch. Ring the bell and give it to her. She might need a shoulder to cry on, so be available for her. Otherwise, you can at least tell her in person that you’re thinking of her and you’re there for her.

Xxx

Post # 6
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I always bring food, must be a southern thing. It is very uncomfortable for me because I don’t know what to say or do but when my best friends dad died all she wanted was for me to sit with her, we barely spoke, mostly just sat together and held hands. Calling and texting is good too, let her know you are there. Also, its usually really hard after the funeral and everyone has stopped coming by, thats when everything gets real and its hard so make sure you check on her then. My good friends husband was killed in a car accident when she was 3 or 4 months pregnant. We just went over and talked, she wanted to hear stories about how he has touched our lives. 

So sorry for her loss and yours as well.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  kellijo13. Reason: can't freakin spell
Post # 7
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Ugh.  I’m so sorry.  And I am in a similar place – my MOH’s father died last week.

I think just let her know you’re available to talk, or not, and bring food, or not – whatever she needs.  It will probably take some time for her process everything — she may well be in shock right now.  Give her as much time and space as she needs, but let her know you’ll be there when she wants you to be there.

Post # 8
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so, so sorry. I think you should definitely call (or text if she’s not answering her phone) and offer to come by. She might not take you up on it right away, but if not right now, maybe if a few days or a week. Just let her know you are there for her in whatever way she needs. I’m so sorry for her loss and for yours.

Post # 9
Member
9342 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m so sorry, bee. That sounds like a really sweet thing to do for her. Agree with PPs that I’d call or text her first to let her know and also to tell her what you’ve told us — that you have her in your heart and that you’re there for her if and when she needs you.

Post # 11
Member
7713 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

God this type of thing is my worst nightmare. I think your plan to leave food and text her is good. Let her know un-invasively that you’re there for her. I’ve never experienced anything that tragic, but when I’ve lost grandparents it’s been nice to receive texts and cards from people, even if I didn’t feel up to actually talking to anyone. I always appreciated knowing people were thinking about me, that I wasn’t so alone in my grief.

Post # 12
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would definitely call/text and bring food. If she doesn’t feel up for company, she’ll let you know. 

Post # 13
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee

I’m a widow so I have some experience with this.  I think too many people worry about crowding someone, so they wait for them to call.  However, when you’re grieving, you don’t have the energy to reach out, so it means a lot when people reach out to you.  And not just immediately, but in the months that follow when everyone else forgets and goes back to their own routines while the person grieving is still stuck in hell.  Bring food, but ask her if you can bring it when she’s home and if she would be up for a brief visit.  If she says no, that’s ok, but at least it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to avoid her.  Keep checking in and keep offering to be with her and to listen.  And don’t talk about your wedding for a while – you have time to work that out much closer to the time.

Post # 14
Member
9530 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I like your idea, but I would offer her your shoulder.. just knock, offer the food and a hug and ask her if you can make her a cup of tea before you go.  Sometimes everyone gets on the “don’t want to bother you” bandwagon when really the greiving person just doesn’t want to be left alone.  I wouldn’t push her if she says no, but give her an opportunity to lean on you without making it obvious.

 

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