(Closed) Bridesmaids boyfriend got into a fatal car accident, what do I do???

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

That’s terrible, I’m so sorry for your friend.

Bringing food when someone is going through a difficult time is the norm where I’m from, so I think it would be nice to drop off some food at her home. I would also call her and make sure she knows she can turn to you for a shoulder to cry on anytime.

Post # 18
Member
9536 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

lulu_bell:   makes perfect sense, especially if she lived in the apartment with her boyfriend.

If you’re up for it–she’ll probably need a lot of help packing if she did live with him, and some help even if she didn’t.

Post # 19
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Be there for her. Even if it means sitting with her in silence for a few hours she will know you are there for her. My boyfriend/dds dad was killed in a car accident 5 years ago. Food was a major help because I didn’t want to eat let alone make anything. Also be prepared for her to push away and possibly back out of being a bridesmaid. It’s hard to see others so happy when inside you are hurting.

Post # 20
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Oh that is terrible. I am sure she is feeling like she is losing her mind right now. Things level off after the first week.

Go over and just give her a hug. You don’t have to say anything profound. You don’t have to bring food, she may not have much of an appetite. You can bring flowers or even a magazine, something small.

Post # 21
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lulu_bell:  Sounds like you’re doing the right thing– people always say “Don’t tell them to let you know if they need anything, offer something specific.” That’s exactly what you’re doing, and even if your friend doesn’t take you up on any of your offers, I’m sure she’ll appreciate that you thought of her and will know that you’re there if she does need you around.

Post # 22
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I lost a boyfriend 5 years ago and my best friend was amazing. She basically moved in with me and kept me going in those first few days. Food was a big help as was keeping me distracted.  I just didn’t want to be left alone to sit and think. Films were nice as long as they weren’t romantic or about couples.  being made to go outside for walks or just out to the shops helped get me out of the house. 

Personally I didn’t like getting flowers as they just reminded me of death somehow,  like on a gravestone and they made me sad. Especially when they died and I had to throw them away,  even now I don’t like getting flowers because of it. 

The biggest thing is say is to ask her what she needs and me there if she needs you.  PP are right don’t wait for her to reach out, she’ll feel like you’re avoiding her and it’ll seem really awkward. You sound like a brilliant friend,  I’m so sorry for both of your loss. 

Post # 23
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It seems like she might benefit from you sounding the night with her, bringing some movies (as pp said, not romantic) and just being there. 

Im so sorry for her and his family and all of you who are feeling this loss. 

Post # 24
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My boyfriend died about 5 years ago. Still seems like yesterday. 

My best advice is this: don’t just consol her now or in a week, but in two weeks, two months, in a year…she will need someone to vent to and you just need to listen. From personal experience, all I wanted was someone to sleep over, or someone to just be next to me. I had no one post-funeral. it was awful and I’m still scarred from it. Being there, food or not, is the number one thing that counts and even if she or you are in the middle of a work day, texting feelings also helps. 

So sorry for your friends loss 🙁 it’s literally the hardest thing she will have to endure

Post # 25
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Bringing food to someone in grief is standard operating procedure in many cultures. When her lease is up you could offer to help her pack up. It’s going to be painful sorting through some of her bf’s things.

Post # 29
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

That’s so terrible. I’m sorry bee! I would reach out to her and leave it up to her if she wants to see you. Let her know you’re thinking of her and that you are there for whatever she needs. It’s important to feel loved when you feel lost. Just be there for her in the best way that you can.

Post # 30
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

When my brother and father died, what really helped my family out both times was when people offered to run errands.  “Can I take the kids back to school shopping” “i’m going to the grocery store, what do you need?” “Do you have anything left at the office you need picked up?”  

Nobody really wanted to go out in public, and when I went to get coffee on the morning of the funeral I was so distraught that i got in a car accident.

I 100% agree with PP’s, when both of them died I couldn’t sleep alone.  I slept on my mom’s floor for 3 months when my dad died. It’s a huge loss of security when a loved one dies, so she might appreciate your offering to stay with her for a bit, or your offer to host her outside of her apartment

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