(Closed) Bridesmaids bust!!! Totally bummed help!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

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@graciousbride: Sorry if it wasn’t clear.  We DID express our reservations, and it felt terrible and awkward.  My point was that perhaps your friends weren’t willing to face that confrontation right off the bat, and then have it turn into nothing if they COULD afford it in the end.

My SIL, as much as I like her has expensive taste.  She’s looking at resorts that cost upwards of 400/night… so it won’t be an option for us to join unless we can get the Best Western special down the street or something.

Post # 19
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would be disappointed too. I’m sorry that you will have to start picturing your wedding differently. Try to forgive them for hurting you. Talk to them about it if it will help. Then, start visualizing a gorgeous day in Aruba married to your best friend! With your mom and bro there too 🙂 Maybe you could still plan a bachelorette or a going away party and celebrate with them?

Post # 20
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am having a Destination Wedding as well. You have to go into it assuming that nobody will be able to come, but if they can, thats FABULOUS! All that matters is you and your Fiance and anyone else that would like to join in the fun is more than welcome. Destination Weddings put a financial burden on your guests, much more so than a local wedding. I am dealing with almost the same situation you are right now; my wedding is a week and a half after yours and I just found out two hours ago my Maid/Matron of Honor (my cousin) has signed up for the army (WTF) and is supposed to be leaving for Boot Camp before my wedding.

Life gets in the way, and even sometimes, people with the best intentions have stuff happen to them. To everyone else, our wedding is not the world stopping event, but they will still have to deal with their own lives and need to do whats best for them. I understand the feeling all too well that your Bm’s may not care about your wedding. They do. But sometimes things just cant happen, unfortunately.

 

I wish you all the best with your situation. Regardless, Aruba is going to be amazing and you will be there with people (whether FI’s side or yours) that love and care about you and you will have many people at home keeping you in their thoughts that day as well. 🙂

Post # 22
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@graciousbride: Hmm, “And I’m sorry I gave the impression that I would judge someones friendship on this single event. This is not the case. I am not that self centered or shallow.” Its too bad that you edited the last few sentences of your original post to make it sound like you didn’t imply that they weren’t good friends for not going to your Destination Wedding…

And as for your comment about me being against DW’s, you are completely and utterly incorrect. 

Like I mentioned above, my fiance and I were planning on going the Destination Wedding route originally. If I were against DW’s, I would have never even considered one. We met with the travel agents and were about a week away from booking the planners on the island when we changed our minds. For us, it came down to wanting to enjoy our day with our families. I’m on the “a wedding isn’t just about the couple” team. Many are not and thats fine. I’m an only child and the only girl in my family so our wedding is very important to alot of people, not just us. It was important for us to have all of our family and friends present and having the Destination Wedding wouldnt allow that. We also didn’t feel right about asking those who would choose to travel with us to fork out a great deal of money that most of them don’t have. The economy sucks, ya know! 

Having a Destination Wedding doesn’t make you selfish. Complaining about your friends being “bad friends” because they chose to not spend their hard earned money and time on your wedding does. 

Post # 25
Member
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

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@graciousbride: You WILL have one very close person.  Your new husband!  Honestly, if I was that other one very close person, I’d be hesitant to go, since I’d feel like I was the one who was going to be the odd one out.

Post # 26
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@graciousbride: i toally get what you are going through. My cousin is my best friend in the whole entire world; I always said ‘no matter what SHE will be there’. A year changes a lot of things. You gotta find a way, any way to get past it, though. Not only will you make yourself miserable, you will make your friends (who probably already feel crappy) feel even worse. Though this one day is important to you, dont let it define your friendships with them. You have known them since grammer school, if they are as good of friends to you this wasn’t a descision they came to lightly. Just try and keep them as involved as possible in everything leading up to the wedding 🙂

 

Post # 28
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

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@graciousbride: This is ridiculous. I’ve read everything on this board and there is nothing that suggests that  
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@UpstateCait: has a negative attitude or comes off as against DWs. You posted here because you were upset and I’m assuming was looking for advice. That is what EVERYONE here has given you. Support and advice. Every single poster was honest about their feelings of the situation, and many had first hand experience. Hell, even I feel terrible for you. If my closest friends backed out last minute I’d be devastated. My friends mean a lot to me, and I’ve gone through great lengths to show them that, so I know what it feels like to be burned. But I also know the logistics of a Destination Wedding, and I also know I couldn’t afford to jet off to Bermuda right now. Even given a year to save up there are so many other things my money goes to. I’m applying and auditioning for grad schools right now, after application fees, plane tickets, lodging, food–it’s a pretty penny. That’s just what’s going on in MY life right now. Everyone has something happening. 

Usually when things get snarky (and yes, you have been snarky) I hit the back button. I want nothing to do with it. But I get upset when I see people being sweet and understanding and trying to offer comfort and advice and you continue to pout. Even after your snark response to

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@UpstateCait: people were being nothing but kind. I see CaitMarae all over the boards and she is nothing but sweet and gracious. Something, you, “graciousbride”, have not been.

I’m truly sorry that you’re feeling bummed as your wedding approaches. This should be a joyful time, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Know this–the people who REALLY care about you and your FI–they will be there. But also know that everyone here has offered up their best advice, and NONE of it was meant to cause ill. Don’t ask for help then bite back as you did.

Post # 29
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@MissHoneyBun: Thanks chica! =)

Post # 30
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@MissHoneyBun: ok, i had the EXACT opposite reaction so I couldn’t help but comment.

I would be upset if I were the OP too. and I don’t think she was snarky.

because I think CaitMarae’s comments, while not ‘snarky’, were kinda judgmental. . i feel like CM often makes the same type of comment on various threads, regarding anything having to do with money. . .’well why are you upset, you should never expect anyone to spend any money for your wedding ever’ which I feel is just unrealistic!

YES-brides expect their friends to spend money for their weddings. would I be hurt in this situation? ABSOLUTELY. would I get defensive if I posted on Weddingbee and everyone told me that I was wrong for being hurt? absolutely.

Post # 31
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

@ graciousbride

No worries,everything for a reason and best of luck to you on your Destination Wedding.  Wink

 

To everyone else …

Sometimes people just need a neutral place to vent when they are unhappy; I don’t think lectures on friendship and finances are necessary. 

 

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