(Closed) Bridesmaids bust!!! Totally bummed help!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Sorry to hear you’re upset.  I hope you guys can still enjoy your wedding day – even if it’s just the two of you. 

I understand your friend’s not wanting to pay to go to Aruba.  If every friend of yours chose to have a destination wedding, would you be prepared to go? 

My DH and I can afford to go to destination weddings but we choose not to because we don’t WANT to spend that much money on our friend’s weddings.  Doesn’t mean we love them any less, but we have other priorities. 

I know it sux that your friends told you kinda late but I think they perhaps just didn’t want to burn your excitment when you initially mentioned it. 

Post # 33
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@hellorebecca: Most of my gripe with the OP was based on the few lines of her post that she chose to edit after the fact. She came off as very selfish and suggested that her friends were bad friends for choosing to not attend her Destination Wedding. Sorry, but I have a problem with that!

But whatever, my points have been made. No sense in repeating myself over and over again. 

Post # 34
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Remember, to get married all you really need is a bride, a groom, and someone to make it official.  All the rest is really just fluff. 

Don’t feel bad.  Like some of the other girls have said it probably isn’t that your side doesn’t love you as much, a destination wedding may truly just be out of their ability to afford or just not be something they can fit into their lives right now.  

And Aruba is an amazingly beautiful place.  I’m an Aruba-addict.  I’m sure your wedding would be lovely even if it were just the two of you.   

Post # 35
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

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@hellorebecca: I never told her she shouldn’t be upset. I said I myself would be devastated. And I don’t think CaitMarae was being judgmental, I think she was offering the other viewpoint, which we often, myself included, forget to think about. But again, I didn’t see anyone here telling her she was wrong for being hurt (again, myself included). But saying things like “I’m sorry you just come off as against the whole Destination Wedding thing. You seem to have a negative attitude and are full of wise words n (sic) very opinionated about things you have little experience and information about such as my character and people in my life.” and also implying that your friends “suck” for not being able (or maybe just not wanting to–we will never know) to jet off to Aruba. Those things, at least to me, have some snark in them.

 

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@Monster of the Bride: I don’t see any lectures on friendship or finances on here. I see people giving an honest opinion that they were asked for.

 

Post # 36
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you’re not getting the wedding you’ve dreamed of, but unfortunately, even with time, people have other things to pay for.

For example, I was invited to not one, but TWO desitination weddings this year. Both are in Mexico at 4 star resorts that are $400 per night with a three night minimum to be able to attend the wedding. (When my friends told me about them, I orginally thought I might be able to make it, Mexico is chep… My Fiance and I have gone on 5 night all-inclusive trips for $600/each incl airfare. I figured I’d find a cheap trip just stay elsewhere, but its against resort policy.)

ADD those two destination weddings in with the other FIVE weddings we have this year (so far), only one of which is where we life, AND add in our OWN wedding this year, and there is no way we could drop $2k (plus gift and spending money) on attending a wedding in Aruba or Mexico. We’re on the hook for at least $700 in gifts and that doesn’t even include travel and lodging! That alone could take a year for some people to save.

As Miss Manners says, those who choose to have a Destination Wedding are choosing the destination over their guests. I’m sure your friends love you and would love to be there for you, but its often not feasible.

Post # 37
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@graciousbride: Although I am not having a Destination Wedding I totally understand what you are going through in an opposite way. My fiance and a lot of our mutual friends are British. My Fiances best man sent him a facebook message to tell him he couldnt come. while I do understand money is an issue to me it was the way he just sent a message. You have EVERY right to be upset. Although I know it has nothing to do with how they feel about me and it might be money issues its hard to take it personal because it is “THE DAY” And my best friend is getting married next january and she will be in Florida. I know Florida is not Aruba but I am going to do WHATEVER I have to do. and I know she is going to do the same to me. Its a very sensitive time when we are stressed and dealing with everyone so we are even more sensitive then normal. 

Everyone has their own opinions and sometimes we arent going to hear what we want. I just can sympathize because Im worried about people not coming from England even though I know they want to be there it just doesnt feel that way since it doesnt seem like they are that bothered. 

Just remember that everyone that is going whether they are on your grooms side or your side they are coming to celebrate with you. To celebrate the joining of you two coming together. So I hope you start to look forward to your day. 

Post # 38
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

Wow…reading through all this I’m glad I’m not getting married. I know the OP says she’s an older bride and not just starting out, but reading a lot of the posts it makes me wonder how old actually because a lot of the comments are extremely selfish. I get it, you want close friends there, but they can’t make it…you’ve said the price anywhere from $400 to $120 a night to $300 that it would cost them…even places that are all inclusive often have hidden costs. Asking people to spend that much is a lot. I’ve never had friends ask me to spend more than about $150…shoes and dress, and one didn’t ask us to have shoes that matched…other stuff, bachelorette party and gifts, were my choices, I wasn’t asked to do that and I’ve done those things as I could afford them. My BFs friend was the one I spent the most on and that was only about $300 for everything. Sure Destination Wedding sounds great to people at the beginning, but when it comes to it, it isn’t for everyone. I had to back out of one (many months in advance) because of the costs and based on the fact that she wasn’t a really close friend so I decided since I had spent what I did on my BFs a year before I couldn’t spend more on someone else’s. Something else the OP said though too is that the 40 guests there she is going to feel like a guest at her own wedding. Aren’t these people soon to be family and friends of the groom so shouldn’t she know them too and in the idea that the closest friends will come, shouldn’t the people that are going to be there then be the close friends??

Post # 39
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry this is happening to you but I do have to agree with some of the other posters..a year isn’t that long to save for a trip down south..even if you plan to pay their airfare they still have to pay for a hotel, their food and most likely their dresses, shoes and whatever for your wedding (unless you are paying for their attire.)

I do agree that they should have never agreed to doing it, if they didn’t think they could have the money to go.

Why don’t you and your fiance marry in Aruba then have like a little get together when you get back home for the rest of the people who couldn’t attend?

My dad and his fiancee are getting married by themselves in Jamaica in March then having a get together when they get home.

I think it is very hard to expect everyone to go down south just for a wedding..it is super expensive.

Post # 40
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My future sister in law having her wedding in las Vegas and as much as I am excited for her , its going to cost a lot for me and my fiance when we are planning our own wedding that is going to take place 4 months after hers.

I would rather not go because its expensive to get a hotel there for few days. Your friends would be feeling the same way and they might have other things for THEIR life that they need to save up for.

Post # 41
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

IDK, I get where you’re coming from.  I’d be really upset, too if my very close friends said they were coming & then backed out 2 months before.  I totally understand that things like finances come up, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I’d be crushed if I was excited for my close friends to share my day with me, and then to find out relatively last minute that they weren’t coming.  Sorry you have to go through this! 🙁

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