(Closed) bridesmaids dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell her you need to know by X date whether or not she wants to be in the wedding.  If she isn’t sure, say that the dresses need to be ordered by Y date, and you’ll leave it up to her.

Post # 4
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s very frustrating, but I had a lot of non responses from my BM’s when trying to make plans. People have their own lives and don’t care as much as you do.

I say just try to get in touch with her again, it’s really up to you if you want her in it or not. Is her husband responsive to your Fiance if he’s in the wedding too? It could def get messy if you kick her out.

Post # 6
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kdiaz824:  How hard have you tried to contact her about dress shopping? Because “do you want to be in the wedding” is a pretty drastic question to ask, especially since she’s just had a baby so is very busy. I think not responding to a few texts (if that’s what it is) isn’t grounds for dumping a bridesmaid.

The fact that you say she hasn’t responded says to me you’ve been communicating my email or text. I strongly urge you to not use email or text: instead phone her. Or even drop in and visit her. Certainly don’t do anything without talking to her. 

EDIT: The other thing is, it could be hard for them both being in the wedding if they have a baby. Maybe parenthood’s harder then she thought it would be (she wouldn’t be the first!). Perhaps talk to her about whether it’s best for only one of them to be in the bridal party. Either way, talking to her is the important thing.

Post # 8
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Maybe you can ask her to do a reading or hand out programs/rise to toss or whatever at the ceremony instead of being a full blown bridesmaid? That way she is still involved, her husband can still be a groomsman, and it’s less pressure since there is no dress deadline involved. That way you have time to ask your other friend to be an official bridesdmaid. The last thing you want is for someone to back out at the last minute and have to scramble to find someone who can fit into that dress.

Post # 9
13249 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man already?  In that case, there is no polite way to ask her to step down without hurting feelings.  You can, however, mention that you understand if her life changes have made it hard to participate as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you’d understand if she needed to step back.  Other that that, I think you’re stuck.

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