- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
I’m a longtime lurker and a first time poster, and unfortunately it’s for an ongoing dilemma. Sorrt that this is so long, but I need help!
When I first got engaged (in March of 2012) I asked my two former roommates to be BMs. I knew I shouldn’t have asked them, but I felt a lot of pressure, and I really wanted to repair my relationships with them (which, I know, is terrible starting ground for BMs…) One I was friends with since college (so for 8+ years now) and the other I’ve been friends with for 3+ years. We were very close in the beginning, but have since drifted apart.
The bridesmaid from college can be very mean at times, and we’ve had multiple arguments over the last 3 years. She was horrible to my aging dog, has said mean and nasty things to me and to my fiance, can be outrageously rude, and got upset with my wedding date because it was her “anniversary” with her boyfriend (they’ve broken up multiple times and are no longer together…) However, she has a lot of personal issues, and a lot of things I’ve taken the high ground on and worked with her on. I was hesitant to ask her and the other girl to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but our two closest friends from college are also BMs, and I thought it might be a better situation to include them all and eliminate drama – after all, it’s supposed to be a time of fun and friendship, right?
Going from there, they’ve never responded to any of my emails about dates, dresses, ideas, etc. I’ve had to hunt them down via email and text to see if they like ideas and if they can work with timeframes. They planned a vacation with out me (which is totally fine, they can do as they please!) but spent a very awkward weekend talking all about it in front of me and asking what they should do on their adventures. i had to have a very uncomfortable talk with them about how awkward and even hurtful that was, and while I received nice apologies, I was pretty exhausted with the whole thing by that point.
Fast-forward to now (about 9 months before the wedding.) We’ve had a few issues lately, but we’ve (read: I’ve) tried to work through them (including the vacation issue.) But I had my engagement party this weekend, and was beside myself with their actions.
They never asked to help out with anything, which is fine, I can live with that, but then they showed up almost 2 hours late, and my friend from college purposely wore a white dress (which was awkward, and my other BMs, fiance, and family were horrified.) They were outrageously rude to my other BMs (including the joint friends from college) and I believe they set up friends of ours NOT invited to the party to join. This was after the 3+ years friend had invited her roommate to join without asking, and after we situated food for her, she never told me the roommate had changed her mind and wasn’t going. They made a huge point of separating themselve from everyone, and the friend from college had the audacity to ask, with a disgusted tone, if my dog was buried in the yard she was standing in (the dog she had been horrific to, and who had tragically had to be put to sleep just last year.)
About 2 hours later, they made excuses to leave the party, saying they had to take care of their dogs (who live with roommates, and this is something they’ve known about for months) and said they were going to go out drinking with friends that night (after we’d all planned on going out later that evening, as the engagement party was really an opportunity for our large wedding party to meet each other and have fun), and said she’d “call me.” We never heard from her, but saw plenty of pictures posted on FB with her friends that had crashed the party.
I feel like I’m at my wit’s end with them. My fiance absolutely hates them and doesn’t want them to be a part of our day, my mother is horrified and wants them out, my other BMs want them out, and I’m so afraid of them causing drama at the wedding. I know that asking them to step down would be the end of our friendships, but at this point I think it might be worth it. Any suggestions or thoughts?