Bridesmaids doing nothing

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3301 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sure it’s nice if they do, but no they shouldn’t be “expected” to do anything other than show up the day of your wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Parties are  not mandatory.  No one HAS to throw one for you. 

You don’t know what their personal budgets are, and even if you don’t, they can spend their money how they like. You pick these woman because you can’t see your wedding day without them, not because of the parties they will throw. 

Post # 4
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Their only job is to show up and wear the dress.  Everything else is optional.  Sure, it’s nice if they do it, but it’s not required.

And keep in mind, they didn’t ask you for the bridesmaid box – that’s an expense you chose to take on.  It’s perfectly fine to just call peopple and aks them to be in your wedding; anything else is gravy.  And the hair/make-up/robe are things for YOUR wedding and YOUR photos.  There’s no point in keeping score with expenses they wouldn’t have if not for your wedding.

Obviously, these women mean a lot to you since you asked to fill these roles.  So I’d focus on knowing that people you love will be standing beside you on the day, and not worry about the rest.

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee

Preach, girl!

 

Check out my thread i put up an hour ago “absent bridesmaids :-(“

Post # 6
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

PP’s are correct that they don’t have to do any of that stuff, but I can understand why it might feel a bit hurtful if they don’t do a bachelorette party at all. Not worth making a huge deal about, but I get it.

When is the wedding? Maybe they’re waiting until a bit closer to the wedding to take you out for a night on the town? If it’s getting pretty close to the wedding and a bach is something you really, really want, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bringing it up next time you are hanging out or chatting and just asking “so what do you guys wanna do for a bachelorette do?”

Post # 7
Member
5036 posts
Bee Keeper

Dear lord. I feel that shannon shannon post brought us a bunch of bridezillas. Damn you daily mail!!! 

Post # 8
Member
5437 posts
Bee Keeper

cps629 :  First–hair, makeup and matching robes are photo props for your benefit, not gifts. Second–while bridesmaids may host showers, etc. so may aunts, friends of the family, other friends, etc. 

Yes, it’s nice when your bridesmaids offer to do these things for you and yes, you are a brat if you are angry that they don’t. Is your wedding really in March 2019? It’s far too early for you to be thinking that nobody will do this for you and with this attitude much more likely that they won’t. I’ve hosted a lot of showers and bachelorettes–because I wanted to and had the means and time to do so, not because anyone told me I had to or assumed I would. 

Post # 10
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

cps629 :  Dude… if your wedding isn’t for another 5 months why are you so worried about your bachelorette party right now?? Unless you are expecting something extravagent that requires months of planning (in which case, check yoself) there is no need to even think about it yet. Most of the ones I’ve been to were like a month before the wedding, and it really doesn’t take a whole lot of time or effort to throw a night out togehter…

Post # 11
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

It doesn’t matter if they can afford it; it’s not up to you how they spend their money.  Asking them to be in your wedding doesn’t give you dominion over their finances.

Post # 12
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Bridemaid’s job is to show up at the wedding and be happy for you. Literally, anything else is not an expectation. If they volunteer to plan a party, help with decorations, etc, that’s great, but if they don’t for whatever reason, they don’t have to and being upset about it even in the slightest is silly. If you want a party, ask for one, or better yet, host it yourself?

Post # 13
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

If you are expecting their help with things like the bachelorette party and bridal shower, you should talk to them about it – start the conversation instead of waiting around for them to do it! 

Post # 14
Member
919 posts
Busy bee

I think they should be expected to do something. Eveyone I know is aware that at the very least the matron I’d honor should plan a bachelorette. Doesn’t have to be expensive at all. Even just a night out in town where everyone buys her dinner and drinks. 

The wedding shower to me is more something your family, mom or mil plans. 

I think it is pretty darn shitty to have someone as a bridesmaid and they do nothing but show up on the day. Every time I’ve had a friend have a wedding or be in a wedding they are telling me about group chats with the other bridesmaids about planning a bachelorette or buying the bride wedding night lingerie. SOMETHING. Don’t think it’s wrong at all to expect something from them. 

Besides where are these etiquette rules even coming from? If it’s something 90% of women I know are aware is something they should be doing when asked to be a bridesmaid than how does that not make it the standard? 

If my bridesmaids did nothing for me I would be crushed. These girls are rude. Can you ask you MoH or a sister to get them going on something? In a very polite kind low key way? Most people have the MoH be their BFF and I can’t imagine not being able to tell my bff I wanted a bachelorette 

 

 

 

secretgarden :   cps629 :   FutureMrsBex :  

Post # 15
Member
919 posts
Busy bee

So all of you on here, you are telling me that If your bridesmaids did ZIP for you except for showing up at your wedding you would be fine with that? You wouldn’t be crushed and think your friends sucked? I find that hard to believe. 

Feel like everyone is quoting some “rule” but not admitting we would all be upset if our bridesmaids did this to us. 

*not saying anyone owes anyone extravagant Bach parties. But if your friends have ever taken you to dinner and drinks for your b day than there is no excuse to not take her out for drinks and dinner for. Bach party. 

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