(Closed) Bridesmaids Drama

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: My Opinion is..
    Get over it, you're being an immature drama queen : (58 votes)
    28 %
    I feel so bad for you, don't pay for the dress. It's not your responsibility. : (108 votes)
    52 %
    Pay for them to get the dress : (43 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 32
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    Aside from the dress, how much do you thin your ladies will be required to spend on your shower? Bachelorette? Shoes? Are you requiring them to get hair/make-up professionally done? 

    I’m just trying to find out why, now, 5 months out, they’re dropping like flies.

    Post # 33
    1572 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @mariana17:  While it definitely sucks that several of your maids have dropped out, I think you are blowing it a little out of proportion.

    Money situations can change very quickly. You are still FIVE MONTHS out from your wedding, this is NOT last minute. You have plenty of time to figure stuff out, find people to replace their spots, tell your Fiance to get rid of a couple groomsmen, or just dela with uneven numbers. It’s really not that big a deal. I’m not sure if you’ve been told this before, but absolutely NOBODY is going to care a fraction of the amount you and your Fiance do about your wedding. It’s your day, not anybody elses.

    You want to hear about last minute jerk moves by bridesmaids?

    A friend of mine who got married last summer had two bridesmaids drop out and end their friendships with her less than ONE MONTH before she got married. If that was your situation, you have all right to be upset and stressed. But right now, you have plenty of time to make things work, and unless you are willing to pay for their dresses and hair, you have no right to dictate what they spend their money on, even if it means them dropping out.

    Post # 34
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @mariana17:  If you told them how much they were going to be since the start then that’s really selfish of them. I know how you feel, I’ve had 2 of my bridesmaid drop out recently. 🙁

    Post # 35
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Don’t they care? Don’t they want this too?”

    Well, no. Not to be harsh, OP, but no one cares about your wedding as much as you and your Fiance. They have their own lives and responsibilities to take care of.

    Life circumstances change. $200 a year ago may not be the same as $200 now.

    Since you are having mismatched dresses, why don’t you ask if they have the option of picking another dress, in one of those colors, from X designer, of X length, if they will be okay? Then they can pick a dress in budget and that they feel pretty in.

    Talk to them. You’re the common denominator here, so, maybe they are seeing something in your bridal behavior that they don’t like (And you aren’t seeing). And maybe it is completely unrelated. Talk to them as a friend, not a bride.

    Post # 36
    910 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Wow… some of the posts are a little harsh on here….

    The topic of bridesmaids tends to be a very touchy subject on this site….

    There is a lot of difference in opinions regarding responsibilities/duties/costs of being a bridesmaid on here……

    Where I am from bridesmaids pay for their dress.  When I selected my bridal party, I selected girls that I knew money was not a problem.   I also gave them 7 dresses to choose from.  As for shoes, all I asked for were silver sandals.  Hair and makeup I paid for, the bridal shower was paid for by family, and the bachelorette party was partially compensated by the Fiance……

    In the end…. I lost a bridesmaid…. she told me I was selfish and she felt that we were no longer friends……

    I cried for days and even after my wedding I still look back and wonder what happened…..

    In the end, I feel like something was going on with her personally and she was just unable to share in my special day……

    I feel like you need to just keep planning your wedding and move on from this,… don’t buy dresses, don’t look for replacements, etc…..

    Don’t take all the criticism on this feed too personally……


    Post # 37
    7644 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @mariana17:  I think you are right about some things, but wrong about another.

    First, if you don’t pay for their hair, don’t dictate the way it gets worn. I think you, too, aren’t considering your friend’s feelings just as they aren’t considering yours with the dress. She told you she doesn’t want to wear her hair up because she is self concious about a certain part, particularily her ears. You should honestly honor that request, especially if you aren’t paying for their hairstyle.

    About the dress though, first of all they were catty the way they described the dress. I am in the camp that believed they pay for their own dresses. I haven’t been in too many weddings, but I have always paid for my dress. I think $200 is acceptable. It sucks that they are claiming to drop out because of money issues, but perhaps it is really that. I don’t know, but perhaps talking to them and asking why they feel as though they couldn’t save up might be a good idea.

    Post # 38
    717 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Apple_Blossom +1

    RunsWithBears +1

    OP, I think there are probably multiple things going on. For me, $200 is a lot to spend, but with enough time and planning, I would gladly pay it to be a bridesmaid. Though, the cost of being in the bridal party is usually a lot. I don’t know if they really don’t have the money, or if something bigger is going on. I am not accusing you of being a bad friend, but during this time it is all about you, and they may naturally feel jealous and irritated by that. You have to make sure you are being an even better friend than you usually are, because you are getting even more attention than usual. In a perfect world, they would be supportive of this time. Yet, this world is far from perfect…

    I would suggest letting the girls pick their own dresses in the same color scheme? That way, they can pick their price and style, and you get to be surrounded by your friends. Win win.

    Post # 39
    4504 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You said you’ve been trying on dresses for a year — so did they all agree on this one, at this price? If so, then that really, really sucks that they are backing out over this.

    Yeah, $200 is a lot for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, but when you accept a Bridesmaid or Best Man position, you’ve got to figure that you’re going to spend a good chunk of chsange on a dress that maybe you won’t wear again. It’s just part of the deal.

    Dropping out of a wedding party is friendship-altering; I would NEVER do that over a dress. I’m sorry this is happening, OP. 

    Post # 40
    6524 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @mariana17:  the first Bridesmaid or Best Man should not have said that the dress is ugly. and should have opened her mouth before putting a down payment on the dress. I would offer to pay for the balance of her dress and the other Bridesmaid or Best Man who said she can’t afford it. I know its not your responsibility, but being a Bm is very costly, and if you really want them in your party, just suck it up.

    I do agree that the first Bridesmaid or Best Man shouldn’t have to wear her hair up if she does not feel comfortable. Maybe you can come to a happy medium and maybe she can do something half up half down ?

    Post # 41
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @mariana17: Had a similar situation a year ago while choosing my bridesmaids. I would be super pissed if this happened to me. You told them the price a year ago and they tell you now they can’t afford it? They find the dress UGLY?? why did they agree to it in the first place then? Some ladies can be tough to deal with.Frown 

    I think you’ve got 3 options now:

    1) Are you willing to change the pattern of your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses? if yes then ask the bridesmaids if they will be able to afford the dress if you change the pattern of it or choose another colour from your colour pallette.If they still can’t afford it then i guess you could get a replica of the dress or get it stitched at some local seamstress for much lesser (this is being very compromising. i wouldn’t do so much. But just a few options to have them all in your wedding party). And maybe you could pay for the cheaper version.

    2)About the hairstyle,it depends on you again. Are you willing to accept any hairstyle they want? If yes then discuss that with them too.

    3) If they don’t like any of these options then go ahead with the wedding with your 3 great BM’s you already have. There’s no point dragging people into ur wedding party if they don’t want to be in it. And enjoy ur day without thinking about all this SmileYou have other planning to do.

    Post # 42
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @mariana17:  I told my BestFriend I couldn’t afford the dress for her wedding. She said that was OK, we just bought the same fabric and went to a seamstress. End of story.

    Post # 43
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    it sucks they would leave the party over a dress like seriously terrible … like i really woul have wore anything if it would make my bestie happy when i was her moh … i will say it loosk great on the slim girl less great on the less slim girl so it might be a self image prob witch is sad so many women battle with those and its horrible that maybe a self image thing is making it so they cant be part of ur day


    ur friend who dropped out of hair is just being insane … ok you can’t have ur hair how u want one day suck it up its hair … gosh in a school with a dress code you have to braid it and wear matching outfits too everyone every day … its one day she is being really unfair to you its one day she should have got over it she being horrible and rude to you i likely wouldnt talk to her she even talked to you rudely her hair is more important then your wedding and she cant wear it up for less then 12 hours terrible hell i dyed mine cause my friend wanted me to look softer


     for your friend who really cant afford it maybe offer to pay when i was in school i couldnt pay for a dress i wanted to but just couldn’t she really wanted me in the party so she got me my gown and it was so sweet of her and it was great gtting t shre in her day 

    Post # 44
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    So what does your fiancee say about his sister pulling this crap? I guess he thinks it’s ok since that was 5 months ago… WOW.

    Post # 45
    9016 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @mariana17:  I agree with the other posters that have said there has to be more going on here. To have 3 BM’s drop out in my opinion means that the bride has done something to cause it. You may not even be aware of what you have done, whether it be not listen to them or said somethng insensitive.

    And since when does becoming a Bridesmaid or Best Man means that you cannot have an opinion or voice that opinion. I personally dislike the dress choice and I think it is unflattering especially in photo number 3. And that is in the brown, add pink into the equation and I think it wil make it worse.

    These posts always amaze me. The fact that a bride will put a dress before a relationship blows my mind.

    let them pick a dress within their budget in a style they like. let them wear their hair how they want. OR pay for the dresses and hair yourself. It really is that easy.

    Post # 46
    719 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It sounds like you tried to give them lots of choices, though why you suddenly put your foot down and decided isn’t clear. Were you tired of trying to please everyone (understandable) or did you decide that you liked that one so much that it was just the one you really wanted?

    If you told them a year ago that you were looking at around $200, that was their chance to speak up. Yes, sometimes finances change (in which case, they should have found a way to discuss this with you) but putting away a few bucks a month would have solved this problem. If that wasn’t possible for them (and realistically, it’s not possible for everyone) then that was the time to have that conversation.

    The hair thing is a touchy point. Personally I don’t think it’s nice to dictate hair, regardless of who is paying for it. I hate wearing my hair up. I’d do it, but I wouldn’t be happy about it. If you’re going to try to force hair on a Bridesmaid or Best Man who hates it, you should pay for it.

    I do think it’s too bad that they’ve dropped this on you so soon, and I can see why you’re frustrated. I think it’s especially too bad about your FH’s sister – this will be awkward for the family relationship!

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