(Closed) Bridesmaids’ Dress Dilemma – “Pick your own dress” may be backfiring on me

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that it might look weird if 4 of them are wearing the same dress and 4 are in different dresses.  Are they planning this just to match each other or because they all happened to like the same dress? 

If I were you I would be a bit annoyed that they have this “secret” plan.  I would either make a “rule” that everyone needs a different dress or see if the other 4 BMs like the dress that your college friends like and just get all 8 to wear the same dress. 

I gave all my BMs a color and lenght and let them choose the dresses.  Two of them choose the same dress (not on purpose) but it’s only 2 out of 7 so I don’t think it will be a big deal.

Post # 5
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I would find out what dress they are going with and suggest it to the 3 cousins and then let your Maid/Matron of Honor decide if she wants the same one or a different style so she can stand out as the Maid/Matron of Honor. Alternatively, maybe your 3 cousins (and sis) want to match too and you could have 4 and 4 or 4 and 3 and 1 I think that oculd be fine and it may even provide a nice family/friend differentiation. Good luck.

Post # 6
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

That would bug me too!

I am doing different dresses for my girls but I am going to specify that they must be different (I am only having three)

I would just make sure that I was there to oversee it all (It seems that your “college” Bridesmaid or Best Man are being kinda childish making a secret plan behind your back – I don’t think following your vision makes you a bridezilla! That term is used too loosely – how you handle the situations that come your way while planning determines whether you are or are not a bridezilla! And obviously you are going to be nice and just explain to them that you would prefer if the majority of the girls had different dresses to complete your vision!

Post # 7
3331 posts
Sugar bee

If I were in your situation, I’d just talk to your college friends and reiterate that it’s really important to you that each girl has a different dress.  Offer to help them look for dresses, or even ask them to send you a photo of their dress selection before they order so you can “approve” it or something.  Or you can say that you’d like to handle all the ordering, so they should just send in their measurements and style numbers, so you can order the dresses yourself.  I think you can even let them know that you heard about their “plan” and that you would be really upset if they did this.

FWIW, if they’re doing this because they all like the same dress, I think then you may want to reconsider your choice to haev them all in different dresses.  However, if they’re doing it as joke or to make your cousins look bad–that’s really immature!  I don’t know why they’d want to do that at your wedding?

Post # 8
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. so 4 out of 8 will be in the same dress. Do all 4 look alike? Because people tend to look very different in the same dress if they’re a different height or shape. Also, will they all be standing next to each other? Can you rearrange them in order to mix up the dresses? I know it sounds weird, but it might help solve the problem.

My first thought is that 8 is a larger sized bridal party and if 4 of them are in the same dress I probably wouldn’t notice as a guest.

It sounds like your intention was to allow them the freedom to choose a dress that they feel most comfortable in/look the best in. If 4 of them conspired to pick the same dress just to look like each other, they are kind of going against the freedom you were trying to give them. If I were you, I would speak to each of them individually to talk about the dress selection. Reiterate your (generous!) intention of allowing them that freedom and ask which dress she is selecting and why. If they come clean and admit they just wanted to look like each other/not stand out, then that’s unfortuantely up to them. You can say something like “Oh, I thought you would have gone strapless since you always wear strapless dresses”, but that might be the most you can do.

If they still choose to wear the same dresses after you have individual conversations, I would recommend either mixing them up in the lineup OR giving them unmatching accessories as gifts. Good luck, let us know how it goes!

Post # 10
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

wow-that sounds like a really dumb plan. Why would they do that? At this point I would just pick a dress and say “this is what everyone is wearing” and put an end to that nonsense.

Post # 11
336 posts
Helper bee

I would say something. Something similar happened to me. I gave my girls a choice of 4 dresses, 5 of 6 of them chose one style… so I’m just going to have the last Bridesmaid or Best Man wear that dress too! Ugh.

Post # 12
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

How old are these girls again? Past college age? That sounds so childish. Find out what dress they’re going to wear, then have your cousins go order the same dress. How’s that for a secret plan. 🙂

Post # 13
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with flamingred and KateMV-make them all wear the same dress.

Post # 15
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

When we picked the bridesmaids dresses for my wedding, I wasn’t “into” Weddingbee yet and I really hadn’t heard of bridesmaids wearing different-but-similar dresses, so they all wore the same thing. And frankly, I think they were happier that way. We picked a dress together and it looked good and they wore it. I think this is for many reasons, but mostly because there were only 3 of them and because this was the first time any of them had been a bridesmaid, and kind of felt like part of being a bridesmaid is wearing a matching dress. I notice you are the same age as me, so maybe your friends are feeling something similar?

Post # 16
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m with you on letting bridesmaids pick their own dresses- I am sort of doing that too, but like some of the ladies suggested I put some limits on it. I told the ladies that I wanted them to get a dress that they looked/felt comfortable in, and that they could wear again, but was appropriate for a wedding (not a backyard BBQ or a club). I specified the color (Black), and asked that they be similar fabric (I only have three so it’s a lot easier to keep track). I gave my bridesmaids more “direction” because I wanted them to get a dress anywhere they found one they liked, they aren’t all buying from the same store.

I think if you didn’t specify that you wanted all the dresses to be different then they wouldn’t assume that they had to be. You might want to just let them know that you preferred all the dresses be different – just explain your reasoning and hopefully they will understand. If they are doing it to be malicious then I think you need to ask them not to be in the wedding. Maybe they do really all like the same dress, and if you have eight bridesmaids and half match, maybe you just alternate (dont group them all together).

Start by being more specific with these ladies, explain to them your reasoning, and then decide where your priorities are. If its more important for everyone to have different dresses than for the Bridesmaid or Best Man to have matching ones (for whatever their reasoning is) then you need to lay down the law and say this is how it’s going to be, or they need to step down.

Good luck!

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