@Birdi: I wanted to update this as I said I would.
Things are on and off with this, after the last blow up my sister has decided she hates my FI.
My parents had a lunch for use to all get together on Friday and we went, people were great other than my sister whom left the room everytime my FI talked too much and has gotten super sensative about everything believing its my Fi that’s excluding her (even though he invited her and her BF to his birthday dinner the next week and to Easter lunch at our house that Sunday)
I casually mentioned she needed to order the dress to avoid a rush fee given theres 16 weeks to the wedding and most places need 12-14 weeks to get the dress, no alteration time in that.
She ranted to my parents about it when I left the room and also made rude comments about the Bridal Shower and why should she do anything because its not HER shower.
Later when I headed home my parents told me to speak with her and find a way to get her to step down as MoH (not tell her to, but give her an out so she can take it) I worked on this for the weekend thinking I’d find a way to talk to her after the Easter Lunch if she stayed late.
Easter lunch went well, FI left for work, his parents left and only my family + sister BF were left. I cleaned a bit in the kitchen with Mom and heard Dad yelling at sister that its just a damn colour and it was my only request so for her to suck it up and stop b**ching about it. (I found out they’d argued for 15 minutes before Dad started to yell)
Things escalated into a 2 hour argument about how my FI is wrong and mean and no one cares about my sister, etc. I told her during this that in all honesty if she can’t support the union she shouldn’t be the MoH. She defended that she would support me.
I clarified to her that its not ME I’m asking for. She can support me as a guest to celebrate my wedding but that to be the one to sign the marriage lisence in the church where my FI and I intend to take “forever” vows, she needs to support the both of us, not just me and if she can’t do that I’d rather her be a guest and our friendship be maintained than her hold to this MoH role and us end up hating each other.
She’s made it clear my FI is not allowed at her house at all. And only came to my house because she considers it only my house even though we told her its our HOME. I technically own the house but that’s not the point its where FI and I live together.
Grandmother got upset hearing everything and left to clean, I went with her. When we came back an hour later people changed it to my sister not being involved enough and her simply getting emails and she likes texts so they had a soloution and all would be well.
PERSONALLY I still need the HATING MY FI thing resolved. Then the dress colour issue.
My Dad understands and has asked me and my FI to have sister and her bf over for dinner to see if they can clear the air in a more private situation. her BF btw is great, he understands she’s overreacting and has tried to get her to see that and let her know we ALL KNOW my FI was mean in his last message so they were BOTH WRONG not just him and not just her, but yeah she wont take that.
My FI is invited my sister over for dinner tonight, we’ll see how that goes… Will update again after that….
And as a side note, I’ve spoken with another BM and asked her to step up as MoH if I need it, she’s been freaking fantastic through all this despite going through a divorce of her own and just being in a car accident. Honestly I should have picked her as MoH from the start.
Other side note is that my FI has been fantastic he’s having this “Lets just get over this” attitude and has been polite, respectful and even thoughtful of my sister. He’s making an effort to talk to her and to invite her to everything and was willing to do this lunch with her if it ment it would make me happy even around his Birthday. I think that this crap with my sister has actually made me and my FI stronger. I’m so glad he’s been so understanding I can’t express it and I feel terrible because I haven’t even been able to focus on finding him a b-day gift because of this stuff and his b-day is Friday 🙁