(Closed) Bridesmaids etiquette help!!!!

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1627 posts
Bumble bee

You are going way overboard. You have fallen off the bridezilla cliff into crazy lake, but its not too late to grab a lifeboat! 

Let them wear their own shoes. 

Let them choose their own hair styles. 

Dont force a stupid hair piece on them. 

Dont force makeup. 

Realistically, if you wanted these things so specific you should be paying for it all, not tossing it onto them and then acting like theyre ungrateful. 

Post # 3
1978 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

jessie0317 :  I feel if you want them in specific shoes and to have their professional makeup done you should pay for those things yourself. Is that a possibility? 

Post # 4
272 posts
Helper bee

Agree with PPs. If you want their makeup professionally done, and want them in certain shoes/dresses (that they will likely never wear again because as you said the look you are going for is “very different from each of my girls personal style”), then you should pay for that.

Post # 5
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It’s OK to want a super specific look – it’s your day.

But this might be a bit of overkill.  It’s OK to let them pick their shoes. Really, the focus is going to be on you and your FI. Nobody will be looking at their feet. Since they all have mismatched dresses already, what difference does it make? 

For makeup though, please don’t ask them to pay for that as well. These are YOUR wedding photos, not theirs, so if you want it professionally done I feel like you should either pay for it, or make it optional at the very least. 

Post # 6
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Usually BMs pay for their own dress as long as it’s in their budget and what you listed doesn’t seem that bad. Although it might be a little different in your case because they will probably never wear the dresses again, right? Then it would be a very kind gesture to pay the cost of the dresses and shoes for them, but since they are BMs, it’s completely up to you if you want to do that or not. Tell them to let you know if they have any trouble paying for it.  But if you want professional makeup / hair done you should definitely pay for your BMs. 

Post # 7
1747 posts
Bumble bee

Tell me what shoes the bridesmaids wore at the last three weddings you attended.

I’ll wait.

No one gives a damn about what the bridesmaids wear on their feet.  If they do, then it means you have a really boring wedding where people have nothing better to do but stare at feet.  Nude shoes go with everything.  By your own admission some are not comfortable in heels but you went ahead and got them anyway?  You want them to have their own specific style, but as defined by you?

Step back.  Save yourself the stress.  Trust that the people you designated as your closest friends and have been dressing themselves for years can figure out how to pair nude shoes with their dress.  Trust that they can do their own makeup and hair that they already do the other 364 days of the year.  If you want them to have very specific looking things (i.e. shoes and makeup) then you should be shelling out for them.  Otherwise, learn to let go and embrace the individuality of each of them since you claim to like unique and expect others to embrace your uniqueness and trust that adults know how to make themselves look good.

Post # 8
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I was in a wedding recently and paid $250 for a plain, long dress I will never wear again. And that sucks. But if had been under $100 I would have been happy. As far as the shoes, I don’t think it’s horrible of you to ask them to pay for the shoes since the dress is cheaper than many weddings I’ve been a part of….usually I was asked to wear specific color shoes and I had to go out and buy some anyway…..As far as the makeup, if you want them to get it done professionally you should pay for it. That is pushing it. I know right now all this seems so important, as far as having correct shoes and great makeup and hair, but in reality, once it’s over, you realize it wasn’t that important to worry about. You are the bride and most people will be looking at you, not noticing your BM’s shoes unless one of them decides to wear bright red clown shoes.

Post # 9
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Asking them to buy the dress is fine. Everything else is a little overboard. I understand where you’re coming from…I have 7 BMs and when we choose to have a large wedding party, costs multiply! Mine are paying for their own dresses, wearing any shoes they want, and I offered to pay for either hair/makeup/mani-pedis for each.

If I was a BM, I’d be aggreable to the dress. But would rather wear a pair of nude shoes I already own. I would push back on the makeup not being optional since I can do my own fairly well.

Post # 10
5316 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

jessie0317 :  This is all too much. 

I get that you want a particular look but if I were in your bridal party I’d honestly be rolling my eyes pretty hard right now. It’s like you’re specifically making all this stuff way more difficult. You want a specific shoe? You pay for it. You want professional make up? You pay for it. 

Short dress, long dress…no one cares about shoes. I don’t know why so many brides think guests are constantly staring at people’s feet. How “specific” is your look that letting them pick out their own nude shoes would ruin it? 

Post # 13
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Your trying to control the shoes is too much. They don’t need to all have the same hairpiece, either. I would be upset if someone forced a MUA on me, because I didn’t even use one for my own wedding. I haven’t been a BM in awhile, but I know that I didn’t have to buy a special shoe. Who cares about the shoes?? 

Post # 14
6336 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

First off, no one wants a robe. No one. If someone is the type of person that actually likes robes then they likely already own one. The only reason brides give robes as “gifts” is for cute matchy pinterest pictures. Its kind of like if you made the shoes your gift knowing some of the girls don’t like heels and will never wear them outside of your wedding.

Let them wear their hair and makeup how they want. Let them wear shoes they may already have if they are neutral colored. If anything, matching shoes and mismatching dresses will just look weird.

If you want them to spend $100 on a dress, $50 on shoes, $60 on makeup all for one day so you can have your very specific look then just pay for those things yourself if its super important.

Post # 15
8176 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i gave each of my bridesmaids $100 toward their dress (any dress they wanted at the place we went in the color i picked, they all picked the same short dress), i paid for hair (their choice for style) and makeup , if they wanted it. and let them wear whatever shoes and jewelry they wanted.

only one girl turned down makeup and prefered to do her own due to sensitive skin and wanted to use her own products.

the gift i gave them had nothing to do with my wedding.


if you want it done, ie matching shoes, IMO, you should pay.

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