weddingmaven : Appreciate the feedback, but have to disagree with much of it to an extent…
You cannot properly dictate heel height. – While i wouldnt think it fair to mandate everyone wear only 3″ heels; all i have asked is that they dont exceed 4″. Half of the groomsmen are shorter, I will be barefoot and a few of the girls are not comfotable with any heel. With that said, I dont know anyone, bridesmaid or not, who only wears 5″ heels everywhere, so this is non issue for my girls.
You cannot properly dictate that hairstyle must be casual, whatever that means to you. If someone wants to wear a sleek updo, you have no right to tell them they can’t. – Asking them to keep it on the casual side, has less to do with looking out of place in the bridal party and more to do at the wedding in general. With that said, when the girls asked “how I wanted their hair” my response was, however youre comfortable, hoping for nothing too fancy. Not expecting a problem with my girls, as none of them lean towards a fancy updo unless the event they are attending or Bride of the wedding requests it. For most of them, the casual ask means they have an excuse to do their hair themselves and not pay for it!
You cannot properly dictate that they wear a particular hair accessory. – Sorry, but giving them a small hair comb to put in their hair, is not going to cause stress for ANY of them.
You cannot dictate neutral makeup, whatever that means to you. – Neutral makeup to me means, sticking with shades as opposed to colors. Nudes, browns, greys, blacks on the eyes, and nudes/pinks lighter on the lips. Basically what the girls wear 97 percent of the time. Just asking that the 3 percent of the time half of them might wear bright green eyeshadow or dark or red lipstick, not be this time. Also means the few that dont wear much make up in general, wont feel they have to either! Once again, my group seems to have general common sense and that would go without saying anyways.
You can always offer to pay, but contrary to what some believe that still does not give you the right to dictate these things. – I agree. But if that something you are offering to pay is within reason and within comfort zone…perhaps asking a girl who wears flats every day to wear 6″ heels “but i will pay” is unreasonable. However, if someone really wanted their girls to wear their hair down, because they were wearing their hair up (family friend and this was something that mattered to her), isnt unreasonable. And all of her girls knew how to do their own hair and were happy not to have an updo anyways.
All of the above is consistent with treating your BMs as props not people. Your BMs are adults who should be expected to dress and groom themselves appropriately for the occasion. – Think its crazy to assume that any bride that has any opinion on how her bridal party should look is treating them as “props”. I understand that their is a limit to that, however, having the same, or similar dresses, similar shoes, hair styles (the case for some) etc is kinda what comes with being a bridesmaid. Some of my girls have been in a wedding where they all wore the same dress, same shoes, all had their hair in an updo, and wore the same lipstick (purchased by the bride). Everything was within their budget, and they didnt flinch for a second.
Curious – why does it seem ok for the groomsmen to be expected to dress the same, but not the girls? Or are all those with this “prop” mentality of the same mind that the groomsmen ought to be able to wear their own individual things as well? So if someone didnt own a suit, it wouldnt be an issue if they showed up in dress pants, brown shoes, and a blue shirt…when the rest are in black suits, white shirts, black shoes and a green tie?