Post # 1
So I’m a bridesmaid for a good friend of mine and the shower is coming up. The Maid/Matron of Honor facebooked all the bridesmaids because she had just heard from the bride’s mother that the bridesmaids are supposed to throw the shower. The Maid/Matron of Honor was very surprised and scared to hear this. MOB wanted all 8 of us to bring 2-3 bottles of wine to give as prizes, 1 bottle of champagne, bakery & miscellaneous things (I was assigned plates and napkins). They were holding it at the MOB’s house and she would provide food.
I thought that was a bit much to ask of all these young BM’s, but it was fine. I had a few bottles of wine & champagne at home already I’d bring and food/venue would be the bulk of the cost. NOW I just hear that the MOB wants everyone (8 bridesmaids, MOB & 2 aunts) to chip in $50 each for the food & decorations (still bringing some of the aforementioned).
I absolutely love my bride-friend and will do anything to make her shower great, not even limited to whatever MOB makes me contribute, but I’m a little peeved with the MOB that this is EXPECTED of me and the other girls. I’ve never heard of this before. My mom threw my very large shower and my Maid/Matron of Honor offered/insisted she do invitations & games. The bride was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding and we were both BMs in our friend’s wedding… none of us were expected to do anything but help set-up for those and that wasn’t even expected, but offered by the BMs. Really throwing it isn’t something that happens in our social circles… but I guess the mom sees it differently.
Sorry for the sort of vent. But it makes me wonder– what is normal in your area? Who throws the shower?
Post # 2
in my area it’s usually hosted by the bridesmaids/maid of honor and/or mother of the bride.
on my invitation it said my shower was hosted by my 3 bridesmaids, but really my maid of honor, her mom (my aunt/godmother), and my mom are the ones who did everything. i think they only listed the other 2 girls to be nice. one bridesmaid lives 3 hours away, so there wasn’t a whole lot she could do and my other bridesmaid was just a total flake. the only involvement they had was buying a couple of gift cards for prizes. other than that, they were basically guests at my shower.
Post # 3
The Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids host the shower. It’s actually considered rude (in some circles, like mine) for the mother of the bride to host the shower. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to assist with the pre wedding festivities. That’s normal. I personally think that chipping in $50, a few bottles of wine and a few misc things is incredibly reasonable. I’ve spent significantly more than that on the showers that I’ve co-hosted.
Post # 4
RedWine13: I think it varies, where I’m from we don’t really have showers and to be honest I don’t think they’re ever required. In your case though, the MOB can’t just plan it herself and demand money from you. If she wants to plan it without your assistance then she should be paying. I don’t know how to approach the issue without potentially causing a bit of fuss, but it’s pretty crass for the MOB to merrily be going around spending your money.
Post # 5
Maid/Matron of Honor or sisters of the bride/groom tend to throw them in my area.
Post # 6
RedWine13: 8 x 2 = 16 prizes. 11 x $50 = $550 in food and decorations. How big is this party?
We don’t do bridal showers where I live (so I ticked “Other”), but a general rule of any party is that all hosts need to be comfortable with the size of it. It sounds like MOB has decided on a huge party without any input from anyone else.
Post # 7
The bridesmaids (including the MoH) and often the close female relatives or friends throw the showers around here. It’s frowned upon to have the Mother of the Bride host.
Post # 8
As a bridesmaid I would definitely expect to participate in the throwing of a bridal shower. If it turned out a relative wanted to be the official host and didn’t want help, I wouldn’t be upset, and if they DID want help, I would be happy to provide it. Sometimes the bridal party will throw a “friends” shower and a relative will host a “family” shower.
I think $50 for food and decorations as my contribution would be reasonable to me, but I also think that if the hostess wants everyone to contribute $$, everyone should get to plan the party together.
I have never been to a bridal shower that had “prizes.” I wonder if that’s a regional thing.
Post # 9
In my area, female relatives (usually sisters or aunts) will throw the party, and the BMs just help with set up or logistics. The MOB hosting is frowned upon. I find it rude that the MOB is demanding contributions without seeming ot consider the financial state of the people she is demanding money from.
Post # 10
If you are being expected to pay for it you should have had a say in what them menu you was so you could have selected items within your budget.
No one gets to plan an event and you foot the bill.
I would decline this hosting “honor”.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I may be in the minority here, but I think someone saying “Hi I’m hosting this party, you all need to bring $50 and 5 bottles of wine and a dozen cupcakes and some linen napkins and and and and” without actually consulting you about the planning is immensely tacky. Showers aren’t required, hosting one is voluntary, and participation should be a choice, not an expectation.
I think you should feel free to decline if you want – participation, showing up, whatever. Your job as a bridesmaid is to show up at the wedding, hold the bouquet, and help the bride pee. Everything else is just sprinkles.
Post # 12
Where I live showers are not hosted by the MOB.
Showers are hosted by friends are relatives of the bride or groom, which may or may not include the bridal party. There is no expectation that the BM’s must host a shower.
Post # 13
RedWine13: In my area it really depends. I’ve been to showers thrown and paid for by the MOB. I’ve been to showers thrown by the BMs but funded by the MOB and I’ve been to a LOT of showers hosted at a relatives or BMs house and mostly paid for by the BMs. $50 from each Bridesmaid or Best Man is actually a really reasonable amount.
Post # 14
aussiemum1248: It is about 40 people only. I thought that budget was pretty big for an at home shower as well. The other thing that a couple of the BMs brought up is that this is a male & female shower/party so the groomsmen should pitch in just as much (in which case we give less money). By that point, we should just charge an entrance fee to the party and be done. 🙂
rachel85: lol your end sentence made me laugh– I’m really good at holding a bouqets in a pretty dress and helping brides pee in their dresses!
Thanks to everyone for all the other input! It is interesting to see what everyone else does and I’m surprised at how many selected MOH/BM! I’m definitely going to contribute whatever’s asked of me for my friend and I’m not complaining about the money (though Darling Husband is…). In fact, I probably would have volunteered spending that much in things I offer to bring. I just thought it was strange to not be given a choice.
Post # 15
If I’m in the bridal party, I am prepared to help/plan parties. Generally it is considered poor etiquette for family members to host them, but that is changing. It is friends of brides “duty” and I would venture to guess the bridal party is the brides closet friends.