(Closed) Bridesmaids gift to the bride, in addition to a wedding gift?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’ve always given a gift for the bridal shower, bachelorette party (if no travel is involved), and for the wedding. It sounds like she’s asking you to give 2 wedding gifts. That seems dumb… She should have reached out to you earlier. 

Post # 3
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

… no. you’re getting her a gift for her wedding (and probably her shower) plus paying other Bridesmaid or Best Man costs?

Unless it’s like, a sexy nighty that costs you $5 I would say no to this. I have never given a “bridal party gift” in addition to other gifts. silly.


ETA: Dudes dont do showers, so having the groomsmen pitch on a gift can take the place of that. Seriously how many gifts do people need?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by lmo013.
Post # 4
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Never heard of it. 

Post # 5
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
llunba1116:  I’ve never heard of that. It sounds excessive. I mean if it’s like $10 each for something small, then whatever, but if it’s a larger chunk of change I wouldn’t participate.

Post # 6
13929 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Yes, there is such a thing as an optional group bridesmaids gift to the bride. Of course that also goes along with the assumption that more than one modest pre-wedding type gift is excessive, that hosting or contributing to a shower would have been entirely up to you, and that the hosts, as per tradition, provide accomodations for out of town bridal party members. 

Enough is more than enough. 


Post # 8
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
llunba1116:  i’ve heard of bridesmaids getting together to pitch in for a group gift IN LIEU OF getting individuals gifts (the idea being that since the BMs have already put in so much money, as a group you could get the couple a nice gift versus individual budget-level gifts).

it’s absurd to be asked to both pitch in for a group gift AND get an individual wedding gift. also, it might be that the groomsmen are doing both – but groomsmen also historically spend a lot less money on being in a wedding that the bridesmaids do.

personally, my feelings are that if you’re a bridesmaid, you shouldn’t feel obligated to gift AT ALL – being part of the wedding and doing all the other pre-wedding activities is gift enough. But many bridesmaids do gift anyway.

in your case, have you already given the couple your wedding gift (like, was it sent directly to them)? if not, can you return it and just pitch in for the group gift? you said you don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t pitch in, and likely the amount for the group gift is less than what you’ve spent individually…it seems in your best interest to do the group gift rather than your own gift if that’s still an option. if it’s not (you’ve already given the couple the gift), then i would just tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that sorry, but you cannot contribute as you’ve already bought a present for the couple and that you don’t have the budget for a group gift. who knows? maybe another Bridesmaid or Best Man is in the same position, and once she finds out you’re not giving in to the pressure of the group gift, she will have the balls to say no too

Post # 9
6606 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think you need to be worried about being the only one who doesn’t chip in for the group gift. It’s not like you’re not giving a gift at all. You’re just already committed to another gift.  Let the MoH know that she should have caught you earlier, but since you’ve already bought a gift independently, you’re not participating. 

Post # 10
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

The only time I’ve done a group gift as a bridesmaid is in lieu of an individual gift, and that was usually for the shower, not the wedding day itself.  I generally give a check for a wedding gift so I just go my own way on that.  But from the sounds of it you have already done way more than enough!

Post # 12
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
llunba1116:  I think its exessive and rude of the Maid/Matron of Honor. Stick with your gift and say thanks but I already got them something. 

Post # 13
3526 posts
Sugar bee

I would politely decline- seems like you’ve spent enough already. 

Post # 14
119 posts
Blushing bee

I actually had the same situation pretty recently.  The Maid/Matron of Honor wanted everyone to pitch in $50, which is in addition to our wedding gifts to buy a “bridesmaid gift” to give on the wedding date.  I caved and paid, but I agree it is excessive and inconsiderate to ask for this after the other bridesmaids have paid for many events and expenses.  Looking back, I wished I said thanks but no thanks, but it puts you in a difficult position.

Post # 15
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you have spent enough on this wedding.  If the Maid/Matron of Honor has a problem with that -it is her problem.  I think you have been more than generous already,  and as a recent bride myself,  I would be mortified if my BM’s gave me additional gifts. Just tell her no.  She can go scratch herself. 

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