(Closed) Bridesmaids going through rough times – I want to be respectful

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think you’re on the right path by just continuing to be a friend to them as you normally would.

With the one who hasn’t responded to you – I don’t know what she’s going through but I would also be concerned about my friend not getting back to me. You’re sure her safety is ok and everything, right?

That said, I might follow up with a concerned and slightly apologetic text or email saying you hope she’s ok, you’re here for her, and you’re so sorry you have to bother her about the dress thing but they need to be ordered by whatever date and will she be able to do that? I’d also see what you can do about pushing the order deadline back as far as possible. You could also check in with her as to whether she still feels able to or still wants to be a bridesmaid and be troubled about the dress, and of course you’d understand if she felt like she couldn’t do it.

And it just occurred to me, another approach to the dress might be this. Are the BM’s ordering their own? Because if you don’t feel like pestering her, just send her the above-mentioned email saying you’re here for her and also this is when the dresses need to be ordered by, and leave it up to her to do it. No fretting, no checking up. She’s an adult. Whatever happens, happens. And I don’t say that in a bitchy way about her. Maybe you just need to take the “Let it go” approach. But I think this also does depend on what it is she’s going through and how she’s doing emotionally and in terms of mental health or whatnot.

Post # 4
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

PP really summed it up perfectly. Highly second that.  And also you’re an amazing friend keep on the path. So many brides forget that their wedding is not the center of everyone else’s universe.

Post # 5
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I am in same situation, one of my bridesmaids just lost her father and we need to order desses soon.  My plan is to email her seperately before Maid/Matron of Honor sends the group email.  I am planning on telling her that if she doesn’t feel like dealing with dresses right now to just send me her size / measurements and I will order it for her, then she will have a few months before she has to think of anything related to my wedding.  

Post # 7
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I think offering to take care of the ordering part is a wonderful idea. Just take that one little thing off her list. Ask her for the money when it arrives. And don’t feel bad/awkward for asking for the money (Assuming they’re paying for the dresses themselves), I hatteee it when I owe a friend money and they never remind me, then 6 months go by and I realize I owe them and feel awful! Would much rather just have to take $200 out of the ATM then go online, get out the credit card, read sizing charts, blahblahblah.

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