(Closed) Bridesmaids – How to Ask the Awkward Questions

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you think the dress is perfect, but you don’t want to make her wear it because she’d be uncomfortable, then the dresses are not perfect.

Post # 17
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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windowlulu:  Can she try it on? I would offer that she try it on now at her current size and see what she thinks. My Maid/Matron of Honor is currently going through something similar with us trying to shop. Really, it could be just that she wants her ‘old’ body back faster than may be healthy to achieve (as mine does) and wants to fit in with the other maids. It sounds like you just want her to feel okay, so I think this warrants a trip with both of you, she tries on the dress, and based on how that turns out, maybe you and she shop together for a new one that makes her feel pretty. Chances are if she finds one that she looks great in now, even if she loses the weight she wants–there’s always alterations or ordering smaller sizes if need be and she’ll still look fabulous!

Post # 18
Member
6947 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

My bridesmaid also wanted to lose baby weight before my wedding.  She did so just fine – her dress was actually a little large for her in the end, since she was trying to plan around a nursing chest as well.  Give your friend credit – she is an adult and perfectly capable of losing the weight if she puts in the effort.  If she doesn’t, then she’ll need to find something else though – you might want to just start web searching for other options that will match so you’re not caught off guard if that’s the route you need to go.  Better to have the backup plan ready and never need it.

Post # 21
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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windowlulu:  if she told you she’s not going to be comfortable in it then I think you should choose another. My Maid/Matron of Honor was just a few months post partum and is curvy to begin with amongst my size 0-4 tiny bridesmaids. I purposefully chose a style that fits at the upper waist but is flowly on bottom because it’s pretty universally flattering. She added straps at the tailor to support her boobs (which of course I totally supported). She looked beautiful and more importantly felt beautiful.

You definitely cannot bank on someone losing weight even if she wants to. You find a dress that would work today, and then get it altered down if you meet your goals. So I would not under any circumstances check in on that weight loss idea. a Its putting pressure on her even if you don’t mean to. Could you show us the dress? That might help as bees are pretty crafty finding alternatives. 

Post # 23
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I would give her an opening to tell you she doesn’t feel comfortable by mentioning that maybe you’re having second thoughts about the dresses.  If she’s really dreading having to wear it, that would give her an opportunity to tell you without making it about her weight.

Post # 25
Member
9002 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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windowlulu:  If she helped choose the dress and liked it a month ago, maybe her more recent comment was just kind of grumbling, more about herself than the dress. What if you say something like “last time we talked, you said you weren’t sure about the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress anymore. Were you serious about that — do you want to look at other dreses or can I plan to order that one?” No need to mention weight. Then I think it’s fair to expect her to stick with whatever she goes with at this point.

Post # 28
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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windowlulu:  I think that is the best idea, especially since you said that your BMs are kind of spread all over the place.

And when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for weddings, the color really didn’t concern me more then the style of dress.  As long as I felt good in the dress shape/style I really didn’t care what color it was.

Post # 29
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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windowlulu:  First of all, I was expecting some short/tight/low cut/strapless dress that would really only be flattering on a size 2. But the dress you chose seems like it could work for a variety of body types. If you’re concerned about her feeling comfortable, then as one of your closest friends I think you should be able to talk to her about it. Just say “Hey, I’m thinking of ordering the dresses by X date. I just want to make sure everyone is still on board with the dress we chose or if you’ve changed your mind. I’m definitely willing to look at other options if anyone wants to change”

My one Bridesmaid or Best Man was plus size while my other 4 were all a size 0-4. I went shopping with my heavier Bridesmaid or Best Man first, alone, at stores I KNEW carried her size and told her to pick out what she felt most comfortable in. When she found one she felt great in, I had the other BMs work around that style. I didn’t bring up her weight at all, she did. She said “I’m going to look giant next to these girls and not every dress is going to fit me the way it’ll fit them” and I just said “Well, I want you to feel beautiful so let’s find something you love”

Post # 30
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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windowlulu:  I think Daisy Mae has a good way of approaching it.  Just ask if she wants to switch dress because she’s uncomfortable.  I would ask though before switching so it doesn’t come off as “you won’t look good in the dress” which i know isn’t what you mean.  

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