Post # 1
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Hi! I don’t know how to change my username, but I am not stillwaiting….
Anyway, I went against everyones advice and asked my Matron of Honor WAY too early. I then decided I wanted to have a Maid of Honor as well because it was so hard to decide between these really important women in my life. And now I feel like I’ve left my other two bridesmaids in the dust, and that I just chose two best friend over the other two. I love them all the same, but the Maid of Honor is my *kindred spirit*, my soul sister. If I could go back in time, I would just have all bridesmaids (of honor) because they are all so special to me and I hate the tradition of putting one (or in my case two) above the others. I think I was so stressed out about the whole thing that I made a rash decision in the first place, and then I just made it worse because I am a ball of stress.
I talked to one of the bridesmaids and told her how sorry I was if I hurt her feelings. To be honest, at the time I didn’t think I would hurt her feelings but later I thought “Shit, I would be really upset if it were me.”
Anyway, any advice? I want to just be like “nevermind, no maids/matrons of honor!” but that would hurt too. Plus, they’ve already put a lot of work into planning parties and things and I don’t want them to feel cheated somehow.
PS mean comments hurt, even if you’re on the other side of the world…in case you need a reminder.
Post # 2
Member
6874 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You are overthinking this. It is the way of weddings and in all likelihood no one is upset with you. Try to let it go.
Post # 3
Member
5286 posts
Bee Keeper
stillwaiting2016 :
Can you just forgo the titles? I’m an over thinker so I totally understand being wrapped up in your own head and complicating things much more than they have to be.
I say leave everything as is and just don’t use titles going forward. Just enjoy your time with your girls. No big announcement about how bad you feel and that you love them all equally etc etc etc
Just keep on going and not use titles. I did not do programs for my wedding so the titles might be an issue if you do programs. Otherwise, I’m not sure why titles would be necessary.
Post # 4
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
When I was a bridesmaid, I never worried about not being the Maid/Matron of Honor. I felt honored that the bride chose me to be a part of something so important to her. I wouldn’t worry about it and just make sure they know they are important to you and that you appreciate their support.
Post # 5
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
Honestly speaking from the other side – I decided to not have a Maid of Honor at all to avoid naming one person as “more important” than the others and I regret it. We are all so disorganized because there is no one to take charge or organize anything. Everything has to go through me and I’m already trying to plan a wedding lol. I kind of wish I could just have an Maid/Matron of Honor who would take charge of the whole bridesmaid group (getting people to order their dresses, managing communication between everyone, getting people’s robe sizes, planning pre-wedding event, etc.). Would just have been so much easier.
Post # 6
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
Don’t worry about it. Leave it the way it is and move on.
Post # 7
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I doubt their feelings are as hurt as you imagine.
Post # 8
Member
13719 posts
Honey Beekeeper
The role should fit the relationship. If there is not one obvious choice, then really all should be considered equal. Needing someone to coordinate BMs is not a very good reason.
Getting dress sizes or sending instructions for where to go buy or order a dress is not all that difficult. Neither, for argument’s sake is organizing parties in your honor any kind of obligation.
Post # 9
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
You are definitely overthinking this.
Its not like they get a higher salary for being in a different title. We put too much pressure on these role names. If you have a clear friend you are closest with then name them your maid/maitron of honour. If not, just have bridesmaids.
In all my times of being a bridesmaid/maid of honour I have never cared for the title.
Post # 10
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
stillwaiting2016 : Don’t regret your decision. Something told you it was a good idea to ask the two girls to be Maid/Matron of Honor, stick with your gut! I’m sure that everyone is just happy to be honored in some way. I would not apologize to the other girls for not making them MOHs because that just calls attention to the fact that you think bridesmaids are less important and that’s not the case. Just include everyone on things they would want to be included in and everything will be okay. Dont’ worry!
Post # 11
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
I bet the two non-MOHs don’t actually feel as bad as you’re thinking they do, if at all. I’d try to just move past it.
Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
You overthink it way too far. I personally would care less about the title, i will just feel honored and happy to be standing close to my best friend getting married.
Post # 13
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee
Get rid of the titles and give them each a responsibility. My husband had two best men as he couldn’t chose.