Post # 1
My bridesmaid’s mother recently got diagnosed with cancer and she’s not doing well at all. I’ve made a point to be there for her and let her know that if she needs anything at all to ask away. I guess the only thing I’m unsure about is if I should ask her if she would like to continue being a bridesmaid. On one hand I don’t want to appear rude or insensitive because I definitely want her to be a bridesmaid. But on the flip side I know that she’s been really stressed with going to the doctor appointments and caring for her mother since she lives with her mother and she is not one to ask for help.
I feel like the best way to go about this is to let her come to me if she starts feeling overwhelmed. After all, it’s her call. But I just worry since, like I said, she doesn’t know how to ask for help.
It’s just a sucky situtation all the way around. Any advice or input would be welcomed. Has anyone had a similar situation?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry. I don’t really have any advice except maybe you should just let her out without even asking her.
Post # 4
I think the only person who know’s whether or not your friend still wants to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man is your friend. You might just want to tell her directly that you love her to pieces and want her to be in your wedding, but that you would forgive her in a heartbeat if she feels like she wants to prioritize her Mom right now. Incidentally, being in your wedding might be a happy distraction for her – you could always say that she can be a part of it indefinitely and if things change to let you know. She’s lucky to have such a supportive gf!
Post # 5
I second ashleyleah. Dropping her without explanation is, at the very least, rude, and could ruin your friendship. Now is a time when SHE needs YOU. If you are expecting your bm’s to do a lot of tasks for you, or have a lot of expectations on them, she may be grateful to duck out of your party. But, it’s up to her! I hope you have already been there for her just as a friend (meaning not in bride-mode). Neutrally talk to her about this. Since you are (most likely) the one who asked her to be in your wedding, and since you mention she has trouble asking for help, it seems like the best course of action is for you to go to her (in person, if possible) and let her know what you’re thinking — namely, that you still would love to have her in your party, but that you’re totally understanding if she needs to scale back or drop out. If she seems like she wants to drop out but also doesn’t want to disappoint you, maybe there’s another role she could have — something not so involved? And, like ashleyleah mentioned, leave open to her that she can change her mind.
Post # 6
My mom has breast cancer and wedding planning is a great distraction for both of us. Of course your and your friend are in a different situation, but it probably is something positive that she can look forward to. It sounds like you are being sensitive and supportive of her situation, so that’s great. I think AshleyLeah gave great advice if you do feel like you need to talk to her regarding being in the bridal party. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man is lucky to have your friendship. Good luck!
Post # 7
If your wedding is not until next January-it looks like you (and she) have plenty of time. I wouldn’t rush things-just see how things go for a while???
Post # 8
O agree with Rlsulli, your wedding so far away, right now I would focus on supporting her through this difficult time. Who knows how her mom will be doing later in the year.
Post # 9
Just give her the option, say “I know you have a lot going on right now, and if at any point being a bridesmaid becomes too much, I hope you are comfortable to let me know”.
Post # 10
thanks for all the advice! i was figuring i would continue to wait and be there for her because i do think that being a bridesmaid provides a nice distraction. i was just really worried about her and wanting some outside perspectives you know? thanks so much!