Post # 1
My daughter’s wedding is August 22nd. She has 4 bridesmaids. My daughter lives 2 hours from me in Orlando. Her maid of honor lives in Orlando. The other 3 live in my area. Her bridesmaids do not know each other!! One is the girlfriend of her future brother-in-law, the other 3 are friends.
Anyway, about 6 weeks ago, my daughter mentioned the bridal shower to me. I told her not to worry about it, that it was really up to her bridesmaids. I told her to send me a guest list and the e-mail addresses and phone numbers of her bridesmaids. So, 3 weeks ago, since I had not heard from any of them yet, I decided to e-mail the 3 that live in my area plus her future mother-in-law to try to plan a lunch date for us to get together and talk about the bridal shower.
<address>Well anyway, only 1 bridesmaid called me. (I have known her since they were little). She is a very sweet girl and is very busy with her 2 toddlers, plus she is not the dependable type!! One I called twice and she has not returned my calls. The other I have called twice (2 days ago, she said she would call me back–and still has not) Her future mother-in-law e-mailed me back, but has not offered to help with anything. I did not contact the MOH–since she lives in Orlando. </address><address></address><address> Since her bridesmaids do not know each other, my daughter and I decided to try to get everyone together at my house in 2 weeks for lunch and fittings for their sashs (I am making the sashs for their dresses). I’m hoping once they all meet each other they will start planning the shower. But by then it will only be 6 weeks until the wedding!!!</address><address></address><address>I am becoming very frustrated!!! My daughter and I have our hands full with the wedding. I know it is not the mother’s responsibility to plan the shower–but I hate to see my daughter’s heart broken!! I plan on contacting the Maid/Matron of Honor today, but she is so far away and does not know anyone. (The Maid/Matron of Honor is planning a bachlerette party) What should I do??? I have a friend which has offered to host it at her house. I have a feeling that if I tell the bridesmaids this, they will not become involved. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I APPRECIATE YOUR SUGGESTIONS!!! Signed, Frustrated Mother!!!</address><address></address><address></address><address></address><address></address>
Post # 3
Two of my aunts are hosting our shower. In my circle of friends, showers are hosted by other relatives or friends of our parents, not by the bridesmaids.
Post # 4
What’ I’ve been doing as a bridesmaid for various weddings I’m in is establishing a group email chain where we all check in at least once a week to talk about the upcoming events. My one friend’s wedding date is 8/21/09 and we’ve already had the shower and the bach is planned.
If I were you I would contact the Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her if she had thought about putting together a shower. It’s really her responsibility. If she hadn’t thought about it or wasn’t planning on it what you can do is send out a group email to everyone and offer to host it at your house. (I know that goes against the rules, but I’m sure you would rather have a shower for your daughter than not plus no one follows the rules anymore).
Get moving, and get the word out to key family members soon if you will be hosting it! Good luck!
Post # 5
I would try to contact the Maid/Matron of Honor. I would just tell her that you have had family members asking about the wedding shower and that you haven’t been able to contact with the local bridesmaids regarding the plans. Maybe she will be able to light a fire under them, so to speak. If not, I would just start to plan a shower.
My Future Mother-In-Law, her sisters, and my SIL are planning my shower. I’m only having a Maid/Matron of Honor and right now she’s going through a lot with work/family/health concerns.
Post # 6
The one thing I have learned from wedding planning is that there is a wide variation in what people think their involvement should be. My bridesmaids have done absolutely nothing to help me with wedding preparation as they are all too busy with their own lives. This was a hard lesson for me to learn and after doing everything I could to try and get them involved, I have resigned myself to doing everything myself. At this point, I will be pleased if they show up for the day of the rehearsal and for the wedding itself. All I can say is if they ask me to be involved with their weddings, I plan on offering as much help as they have given me!
I say take up your friend on her offer if you want your daughter to have a bridal shower.
Post # 7
I believe the "rules" can differ depending on the area in which you live and family traditions. For my family, it is usually the mother and Mother-In-Law with other family members that host the Bridal Shower. The bridesmaids help out the best way they can but they are not depended on to host the entire party. For mine, my Mom is hosting but she recruited some of my closest friends (since I have no bridesmaids) and my Father-In-Law and God Mother to help. Actually besides my friends (since some have not met my Mom) the others offered their help to her.
If you don’t want your daughter to be disappointed and if you find that the maids aren’t doing anything then I think you should think about hosting the party yourself. Why leave it in other’s hands if you know nothing is working out?
Good luck with it all! I hope that it works out for you and your daughter.
Post # 8
It’s usually the MOH’s responsibility to coordinate the shower or the bride’s family steps in otherwise.
If the Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s are not planning anything, and you feel it’s important to have, then you need to host one yourself. Perhaps when you start planning, the others in the bridal party will help out, but don’t expect it and from what you described, you’ll have to delegate and follow-up.
Post # 9
Take your friend up on her offer. Then have the friend contact the Maid/Matron of Honor and say that she’s going to provide the location for the shower, but needs help determining the date, coordinating the other bridesmaids, coming up with a theme, etc. If your daughter wants a shower, someone has to take charge, and it sounds as though the bridesmaids will not.
Not everyone gets a shower. My bridesmaids are far-flung and super-busy; I will not be having a shower. But I’m not heartbroken by that fact. If your daughter is, then it’s time to look for non-wedding-party options for the shower. That doesn’t mean that her friends don’t love her; it sounds as though they’re just overwhelmed by life and distance.
Good luck with everything!