(Closed) Bridesmaids not planning shower

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
88 posts
Worker bee

Two of my aunts are hosting our shower.  In my circle of friends, showers are hosted by other relatives or friends of our parents, not by the bridesmaids. 

Post # 4
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

What’ I’ve been doing as a bridesmaid for various weddings I’m in is establishing a group email chain where we all check in at least once a week to talk about the upcoming events. My one friend’s wedding date is 8/21/09 and we’ve already had the shower and the bach is planned.

If I were you I would contact the Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her if she had thought about putting together a shower. It’s really her responsibility. If she hadn’t thought about it or wasn’t planning on it what you can do is send out a group email to everyone and offer to host it at your house. (I know that goes against the rules, but I’m sure you would rather have a shower for your daughter than not plus no one follows the rules anymore).

Get moving, and get the word out to key family members soon if you will be hosting it! Good luck!

Post # 5
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would try to contact the Maid/Matron of Honor. I would just tell her that you have had family members asking about the wedding shower and that you haven’t been able to contact with the local bridesmaids regarding the plans. Maybe she will be able to light a fire under them, so to speak. If not, I would just start to plan a shower.

My Future Mother-In-Law, her sisters, and my SIL are planning my shower. I’m only having a Maid/Matron of Honor and right now she’s going through a lot with work/family/health concerns. 

Post # 6
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The one thing I have learned from wedding planning is that there is a wide variation in what people think their involvement should be. My bridesmaids have done absolutely nothing to help me with wedding preparation as they are all too busy with their own lives. This was a hard lesson for me to learn and after doing everything I could to try and get them involved, I have resigned myself to doing everything myself. At this point, I will be pleased if they show up for the day of the rehearsal and for the wedding itself. All I can say is if they ask me to be involved with their weddings, I plan on offering as much help as they have given me!

 I say take up your friend on her offer if you want your daughter to have a bridal shower.

Post # 7
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I believe the "rules" can differ depending on the area in which you live and family traditions. For my family, it is usually the mother and Mother-In-Law with other family members that host the Bridal Shower.  The bridesmaids help out the best way they can but they are not depended on to host the entire party. For mine, my Mom is hosting but she recruited some of my closest friends (since I have no bridesmaids) and my Father-In-Law and God Mother to help. Actually besides my friends (since some have not met my Mom) the others offered their help to her.

If you don’t want your daughter to be disappointed and if you find that the maids aren’t doing anything then I think you should think about hosting the party yourself. Why leave it in other’s hands if you know nothing is working out?

Good luck with it all! I hope that it works out for you and your daughter.

Post # 8
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s usually the MOH’s responsibility to coordinate the shower or the bride’s family steps in otherwise.  

If the Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s are not planning anything, and you feel it’s important to have, then you need to host one yourself.  Perhaps when you start planning, the others in the bridal party will help out, but don’t expect it and from what you described, you’ll have to delegate and follow-up.

Post # 9
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Take your friend up on her offer. Then have the friend contact the Maid/Matron of Honor and say that she’s going to provide the location for the shower, but needs help determining the date, coordinating the other bridesmaids, coming up with a theme, etc. If your daughter wants a shower, someone has to take charge, and it sounds as though the bridesmaids will not.

Not everyone gets a shower. My bridesmaids are far-flung and super-busy; I will not be having a shower. But I’m not heartbroken by that fact. If your daughter is, then it’s time to look for non-wedding-party options for the shower. That doesn’t mean that her friends don’t love her; it sounds as though they’re just overwhelmed by life and distance.

Good luck with everything! 

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