Post # 1
So many threads have been about bridesmaids not doing enough or being busy with their own lives. I have a completely different approach to bridesmaids and was wondering what other people thought. To me, the notion of bridesmaids being there to help you plan your wedding seems outdated. I just thought the wedding party was more about who you wanted to stand with you as a witness to your marriage and about treating them like guests of honor.
I have been treating my bridesmaids more as honored guests than as wedding assistants or back-up dancers. I assume they will help with little details the day of the wedding because they will be around. My sister, who is my maid of honor, threw me a bachelorette party, but not because it was her “job” but because she is my sister and wanted to throw me a party. I guess what I am saying is that I don’t expect anyone in my wedding party to do anything for me that they wouldn’t have otherwise done just because we are close, which is why I asked them to be in my wedding in the first place.
What do you expect from your wedding party? Do you have expectations of people above and beyond what you would expect from them as a friend or family member simply because you asked them to be in your wedding?
Post # 3
I at least expect them to
- get/rent dress/tux, wear dress/tux, and just look gorgeous the day of (they can do their own makeup hair and their own accessories)
- show up on time for wedding and photos
- help me run little errands or just help me out the day of if needed
- act like they’re having a great time at my wedding if they’re not already
Bonus things I have received from them (only if they themselves voluntarily offer)
- help with wedding craft
- plan and pay for bachelorette’s party (I am not into showers or engagement parties)
I do not have expectations from people just because they’re in my wedding. It’s too huge of a favor to ask and too unreliable that things would get executed if it’s not somebody who is truly committed.
Post # 4
I expect nothing from my wedding party other than to stand there on the big day with me and have a HUGE smile on their face while doing so. Everything else is icing the cake.
One of my gals is willing to do a LOT more and has helped me out with a lot of things, I don’t ever EXPECT it, but glady accept her help.
Post # 5
i agree with you. my sister/moh called me one night because she was watching bridezillas and they were all making programs and getting yelled at during the process and she was freaking out that she should be helping me do stuff like that. she lives in another state! she made me laugh! i told her not to worry about it, she can help me out on my wedding day if i need it but i’m not going to send all my paper crafts to her so she can tie ribbons. and luckily i’m not doing programs.
Post # 6
I understand what you are saying, but it seems like you are lucky to have good friends and family. Some people have close friends that suck, honestly, and don’t willingly give and contribute out of love and friendship. So when people complain on here about bridesmaids not fulfilling their roles, I don’t see it as a bridezilla with a checklist of their expected duties, but more as friends letting their friend down. I hope my friends understand that a wedding is a huge, stressful, important event that I need a lot of support during, just like anything stressful and important. Whether that support is tying ribbons on favors because I can’t possibly do all 200 alone, or simply listening, I think bridesmaids’ duties are just about being a good friend or family member.
Post # 7
I completely agree with you! I want my ladies to feel honored and treated. My expectations are a lot like Pren79—buy the dress, show up on time, help with any last minute things, and have a wonderful time. Afterall, these are my friends, not craft slaves.
Edit: That being said, some ladies love to help with all kinds of little projects along the way–but I am not going to force everyone to work on things and then gripe about the job they are doing.
Post # 8
With the exception of my Matron of Honor, who is a wedding planner and offered up her expertise to me free of charge, and my Maid of Honor, who wants to plan and throw the bachelorette, all I expect is that they get the dress, be anywhere they need to be for the rehearsal and wedding on time, and keep me from freaking out on the day of. I’m kind of a total spaz and I’m going to need moral support to, like, not have an anxiety attack. As long as they are there to make me laugh (and pour some champagne), I’m all good.
Post # 9
I don’t expect the planning/crafting help either. All I need is them to show up in a dress and have a good time. I view the wedding party as just like, our closest friends that have supported us and that we want to honor them. Not like they’re wedding slaves 🙂 Of course, if they WANT to be, that’s another story.
Post # 10
I understand what you’re saying and totally agree. I expect that our wedding party will stand up and be there for us on our special day, and not much else. Like others have mentioned, I do expect help the day of the wedding…but other than that any help that they offer or I have received has just been a bonus.
I’ve never had an experience where a Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t want to pay for the dress (or a Groomsmen his tux/suit) but I guess technically that IS an expectation too…the bachelor/bachelorette party will be a bonus…nothing was expected, but everything will be appreciated!
Post # 11
i agree with the OP, but i think that EVERYONE would say that. but you know, that’s not the case in real life. I haven’t busied my girls with a ton of stuff because why would I? it’s not their wedding. With enough preplanning and DIY on my own, it’s possible to give the girls a good time so they don’t have a zillion other things to do while they’re supposed to be giving you moral support the day of.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I agree. I want my bridesmaids to support me on my day by being on time and looking nice and not complaining about anything. 😉 Everything else is gravy.
Post # 13
I totally agree with you! I don’t expect them to help me with planning or anything. That part my Fiance and I can do alone. I just want them to show up pretty in their dress and if anything, what I really really need is the emotional support, and that comes easy with them as it comes with being good friends with them and that’s why I chose them to be my persons who would stand next to me as I take my vow!
I do get a little turned off when a bride gets too demanding, though (no offense to any brides here), but I don’t view BMs as owing any duties to the bride. I am just thrilled to have them be there for me, and any extra things they are willing to do for me, I consider it as a bonus. And, if you don’t have to have that many BMs to help you with the wedding planning. Having one maid of honor who is your best friend of closet sister as your only bridal attendant beats 10 or 12 BMs who don’t share that enthusiasm with you do about your wedding any day, imo.
Post # 14
I am with you 100%!
All my girls are out of province so they physically can’t help me with anything even if they wanted to and I chose them because I wanted them to be my guest of honour on my wedding day and share the experience with me!
The only ‘job’ I say they have is to be my sounding board for stuff – I call them to ask them their opinions and to bitch about wedding stuff but that is their ‘job’ in my life anyway they are who I go to (other than FI) for emotional support and they do the same for me!
Post # 15
I completely agree with you – well said! I think it’s easy to forget that our closest friends also have lives with their own sets of financial responsibilities, stresses, etc. I think it’s easy to have expectations of how we’d want our friends to be there for us – supporting our decisions, etc… but why wouldn’t we do the same for them?
Post # 16
All my bridesmaids are from out of state, and for that matter, so am I! But the one thing I need help with is the flowers, which I have come to the conclusion I am going to DiM (Do it Myself!). It’s a little scary since I’ve only every worked with fake flowers but my sister and another bridesmaid immediately stepped up to the plate and will be helping me pull things together before the ceremony.
I definitely consider that going above and beyond, since they’re both flying in from across the country but this is why I consider them such good friends – friends help eachother out in a pinch!
All the bridezilla stories get started when someone starts acting as if her friends are now her slaves and she feels like she has to crack the whip!