(Closed) Bridesmaids think i’m cheap…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

How many bridesmaids do you have? If they are all ok with the JCrew dress, I would say go for it and be done with it. Especially since it’s a black dress that they’ll wear again and again. Maybe you could let them all pick their own dress and then your other grad school friends could pick a cheaper one? As far as the other decor issues go, tell them to shove it and you like the choices you’ve made. πŸ™‚ I bet it will be great!

Post # 4
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Personally, I think you should do what YOU want. It is your wedding. And if it was the other way around (you wanted the $200 dress, but the BMs wanted the $30 dress I might go the other way). I haven’t ever heard of BMs complaining about a dress being too INexpensive.  Is the Target dress online?  Could you post a link? And to the JCrew one?  That might give us a better idea.

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with having $30 dresses for the BMs (of course $200 is 2/3 of what my wedding dress cost! And my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were $85 so it might just be me!)  What it all boils down to is that you aren’t comfortable making a couple of your bridesmaids spend that much on a dress…..do what feels right for you. 

Post # 5
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was thinking about going the Target route also for bridesmaids dresses or even Forever 21. All my people are my age and either in grad school or just starting to work so I doubt they would care, plus it is better than the alternative of spending money on a dress you would never wear again. If you are going the Jcrew route and think the grad school girls may not be able to afford it, keep a look out on ebay for similar dresses and buy them for them when they come up. They can reimburse you later.

Remember, its your wedding and your opinion (and your Fiance I guess) are the only ones that matter

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think it’s your wedding, you decide. My bridesmaids were getting a little choosy themselves when we were in the dressing room. I ended up going with my origional vision, and I am very happy with my decision. They can wear what ever they want on any other day. This one is for me.

Post # 7
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with Kate that it’s YOUR wedding, you can do whatever you want! If you don’t want to spend a fortune on centerpieces, well, that just makes sense with our current economic state. Do you think the Target dresses look cheap? Remember, they will be in lots of wedding photos that you will be paying for. Maybe you could find a middle of the road dress for the girls? The dresses my bridesmaids are wearing are from B2 aka Jasmine Bridal. They cost approximately $130 total and they look really classy. And I know all of the girls in my party feel great in them. This is probably your best way to go if you want them all to match, which it sounds like you do.

Post # 8
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Not sure if this applies, but J.Crew has a student discount of 15% so if you or they are a student, those cents add up!

Post # 9
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

?!?! J.Crew has a student discount and I did not know this! GIMINEY!!!!!! 

jojadin…. you just made my day… {happily sighing}

 

Now back to reality. Ok. I have been on the flip side of this type of thing. I have a friend who my fiance would describe as cheap.. I defend her by saying she is frugal… but she is hands down the most dedicated person to verbally telling people they are spending way too much money on something she can find a better deal on. 

I would say if your bridesmaids want to spend more to buy the other dress let them. If it is something that they like and will wear again then fine. Maybe they don’t want to buy the $30 dress because they don’t forsee wearing it again?

Is the other dress really not as cute as the one you picked? Can you not picture them wearing it? Either you say what I know my friend would say "frankly, I don’t feel comfortable knowing you spent $200 on a dress, the $30 dollar dress makes me feel like I didn’t burden you, and I would prefer you wore the $30 dress… Please help me make this work." or you just be flexible. You can pick your battles. For example- I would encourage you to put your foot down if you don’t want the girls to take you on a huge primo expensivo bachelerette party versus trying to stop them from buying Jimmy Choo shoes that they think will go well with the $30 dress. 

 

J. Crew gives student discounts?! I can’t get over I did not know this. Is this an online thing, an in store thing? (do you have to show them your student ID or just tell them when you are at the counter???)  

Post # 10
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it is a 10% discount, and just bring your ID to the store. I have never used it online. Awesome, i know!!

Post # 11
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Bridesmaids don’t need to have the same taste as the bride.  They shouldn’t be telling you what they should wear.  I would ask the other BMs what they think (the ones in grad school).  If they say they don’t mind, then go with the JCrew.  Everyone likes a LBD.  If the other BMs say they just can’t afford it, I would put my foot down.  It’s $30, I’m sure these girls can afford to buy a $30 dress even if they never wear it again.  It’s not about them, it’s about you and your vision.  Go with your gut!

Post # 13
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

This may be the first time in history that bridesmaids are complaining that their dresses cost too little. πŸ™‚ I know, I know – that doesn’t help you one bit! I have a feeling that the bridesmaids complaining about your "cheapness" may change their tune if they wind up participating in a wedding in which the bride-to-be demands $600 dresses, dyed-to-match shoes, four showers and a destination bachelorette weekend.

My suggestion: Talk to your grad school bridesmaids individually. Ask them to be brutally honest with you about whether paying $200 (or so) for a dress will be a significant financial imposition. Tell them that you won’t tell the others they complained about the price if they do have issues; you’ll just issue a bridal dictate with no explanation. If they both say, "Nah, I was expecting something like $200, and the J.Crew dresses look cute," then go with the J.Crew dress route. If even one grad school bridesmaid says, "Actually, only having to pay $30 for a bridesmaid dress would REALLY help right now," then go with the Target route.

Either way, though – this is your wedding, and they are your bridesmaids, and part of the bridesmaid role is sucking it up and wearing the dress that the bride picks. There are two exceptions to that rule – if a bridesmaid can’t afford the dress, or can’t wear the dress for some anatomical reason (for example, if her chest is too big for a strapless bra and the dress is strapless). Neither applies in your case.

Forgive me if I sound harsh, but it seems to me as though some of your bridesmaids have forgotten that this is *your* wedding. You’re not being a Bridezilla asking them to wear a $30 dress that may not be their dream dress for a few hours. You have more patience than I do – I long since would have asked one of them, following one of the "cheap" insinuations, if they then wanted to pay the way for me doing things in a more "traditional" way. With a smile and in a joking tone, but still. You are being the dream bride from a guest’s perspective, and it sounds as though you’re going to have *your* dream wedding – that you can afford – in the process. That is a rare combination to achieve; congratulations to you for achieving it!

Post # 14
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I’m actually pitching Target dresses to my bridesmaids as well (but they don’t know it yet). I found what appears to be two nice looking dresses in the same color and fabric and both are $40. Since my BMs have different body shapes, some wanted strapless and others did not. I sent all of them the pictures of both dresses and only told them they were simple iand cheap and asked for thier sizes. I later told one where to find the dress because she was worried about ordering online without trying on. However, at this point, I’m ordering one of each to try on and see the quality. If they look as good in person as online I would be happy to tell my girls to buy the $40 dress but I am also not sure how they will feel. They will most likely never wear the dress again but it is possible that they would never re-wear whatever dress they got. I think you should be aware of their desires and if all of your girls want the J.Crew dress it could be that they feel they will get their money’s worth and would never wear the Target dress again, especially since your dress is black. J. Crew provides email discounts from time to time so I would suggest signing up for their emails if you are considering this option. Good luck, please let me know if you go the Target route, I haven’T yet decided either.

Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee

go with what YOU want πŸ™‚

 i agree with asking every BM  individually (especially those in grad school) about if they can fork over $200 for dress.  Also BMs have more to pay for than just a dress. You have to account in shoes, jewelry, makeup, bridal shower, travel expenses, etc etc etc.  If even one Bridesmaid or Best Man is uncomfortable with the price, then stick with the Target dress. 

If the BMs who want the Jcrew dress really want it, then they can get it themselves ouside of the wedding.  If they are willing to spend the ridiculous amount of money for an overpriced (although I admit pretty) dress, then they can spare the 30 dollars for the Target one too.

 

Post # 16
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Honestly, I am kind of taken aback that the BMs are telling YOU what they’re going to wear to your wedding. I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man a few times and that’s kind of the point, that you are in someone else’s wedding, not your own. Remember back in the day when Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were truly hideous? Trust me, it’s not like the bridesmaids chose to wear those dresses on their own!

Having said that, I also know there are times when you have to look the other way and suck it up for the sake of a friendship. Personally I think it kind of sucks you have to be calling up each Bridesmaid or Best Man and having a personal discussion with them over this ‘issue’, this is the kind of extra work I am so dreading! That probably is the best route though…and honestly, even if they do half and half on the dresses, I doubt you will notice in pictures. That’s the nice thing about black…plus with different figures even the same dress will look different on different girls…so I doubt you’d notice a slight mismatch in pics.

Or if they do look a bit different, maybe you could go for half the BMs in one dress and half in the other so it looks like it was planned that way?  

 

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