(Closed) Bridesmaids think i’m cheap…

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

 I don’t think you should have some BMs in Target dreses and some in JCrew dresses.  I’m all for Target, and believe that you can pull of Target dresses without looking cheap.  But I do have concerns if the material is different, that putting Target dresses next to J Crew dresses might allow for people to notice the differences. 

I think you should check with the grad schol friends and, if  they can’t afford the $200 dresses, get the Target dresses.  I’m sorry your Bms think you’re cheap.  But if they can’t suck it up and wear a Target dress for one evening, they are being a bit….snobbish.  Who will know they are form Target?  Accept if one of your BMs goes around saying, "Yeah, I’m so embarrassed to wear this dress.  GretaB made us get it from Target."?

If your vision is to have them all wear the same dress, that should be that.  The only reasons why they should be in different dress (causing you to bend on your vision) is if one is pregnant or  the BMs body shapes are quite varied.  I could see if you originally wanted a dress that was too expensive, scratching that to find something more afordable for them.  But not the other way around.  If they all want J Crew, and you don’t mind, fine.  Otherwise, go Target.

Post # 19
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Post a pic of the one from J Crew and the one from Target here.

My bm’s will use a LBD also for the dress..and so far both of them want the J Crew dress.  But will pick different styles in the same fabric.

Why not if $ is a factor let each girl wear their own LBD of choice and maybe the same pair of shoes in a contrasting color (like pink)?  That would be cute!  And you can give them the same jewelry and some bright contrasting flowers too. 

Post # 20
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

One thing to check is if the target dresses can take alterations. They are cheap (I buy target all the time and it generally only lasts on season) You might make sure that they can be altered. Also make sure that no one washes them before the wedding. The black might fade. 

I don’t think anyone will notice the difference in similar black dresses. People don’t notice that stuff. It is unlikely it will show up in the photos. Depending on the exposure, the black details probably won’t stand out in photos.

 

Post # 21
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would just like to say that while I have purchased clothing at Target before, I find that it tends to not fit me very well at all- something is always at least a little off. Maybe they just don’t find the fit to be as great as the Jcrew dresses?

Also, I would check out Express- my sorority had everyone buy black dresses there for years- they were about $80, which is a nice midrange option.

Post # 22
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with the ladies, it’s YOUR wedding and what you say goes. Sorry you are having to deal with this, and not you are not cheap because you do not want to start your marriage in debt.

Post # 23
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m going to probably be the only one who says this, but I understand where the bridesmaids are coming from. Part of the fun (for me) of being a bridesmaid has always been the dress…and i have been lucky to wear some awesome dresses!  I would be totally disappointed to have to wear a dress from Target. Yes I realize that it isn’t my wedding, and of course I would do whatever the bride wanted in the end…but I would probably do the same as your bridesmaids and suggest a dress that I would wear again-like a black J Crew dress.

Post # 24
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I too am planning a wedding on a tight budget. I went with a discontinued dress from David’s Bridal that was only $59 to help my BM’s out. The other ones I liked were closer to $200.  I am having my wedding here in WI and my bridesmaids are coming from Ohio. I figured it would be nice to help them out and pick a cheaper dress. None of them seemed to mind that it was less expensive. And it can be worn again to other functions. The wedding isn’t about them and they should just respect what you want. I am making my own invatations and doing most of the decorating myself. It isn’t going to be a crappy looking wedding because I only spent $1000 versus $5000 on that stuff. If anything it will make it more personal and I will have more memories.

Good Luck.

 

Post # 25
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think it’s really sweet that you are considering the costs/burden on your less well off BM’s.  And my response is that the rest should just suck it up.  It seems incredibly insensitive that the others can’t even imagine why a $230 dress might be a stretch for some people.  to be honest, in pictures no one can really tell the quality of a dress.  I’m sure the JCrew ones are nicer, but I’m sure your BM’s for whome $200 extra dollars would be a stretch don’t care that much. 

I’m not sure I agree that it’s a good idea to talk with them about it.  When I was a student and a Bridesmaid or Best Man (several times), if the bride had asked me I probably would have said either is fine b/c I would want to leave it to the bride to decide.  But I know I still would ahve preferred the cheaper one.  I literally *hate* one of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses I wore while a student, and having to start saving several mos in advance to buy it while I was a student made me hate it more.  I feel pretty strongly that you should always pick the cheapest Bridesmaid or Best Man dress you can find (that still fits your wedding/color scheme et).  B/c you might think a dress is cute and rewearable, but it might not be your BM’s taste no matter how nice it is.

And FWIW I find that neither JCrew petites nor really anything at Target fits me…so if it were me I’d appreciate the cheaper dress which I’d probably have to get tailored anyway.

Post # 26
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I would maybe consider purchasing the Target dress.  Pack it, wrinkle it, sit in it for a couple of hours, etc…Then photograph in it.  I think it is really important to test the waters on the cheaper dress.  You may find that there is a huge difference on what it looks like online and what it photographs in person, sometimes price can make a huge difference in things like this because of quality, fabric etc.

Good Luck!

Post # 27
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the ladies so far have got the right idea.  It is YOUR wedding and at the end of the day you should get your way.  Shoot, you are just trying to save the money!  I would talk to the other girls who might not have the money for the J. Crew dress and see what they have to say about it.  If they REALLY want them, let them buy it.  If not, could you just let the girls pick the dress they want?  I know you want them all to look the same, but if it’s a tea length LBD, it’s going to look pretty much the same in photos anyway.  I would love to see the photos of dresses you are considering if you wouldn’t mind posting them.  Good luck and please let us know what you decide!

Post # 28
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am the same way I am extremely frugal and have been cutting costs everyway I can; I did my own invitations for $35 with return postage (not including outgoing postage), my photographer is my friend who free-lances ($1000) I’m doing my own flowers ($250), going to a sample sale and using my $500 gift certficate (will come to $300, cheapest dress is 800 at sample sale) at Kleinfeld, making my own guestbook ($7.00-buying an unlined notebook and covering it with tulle and lace), found a cheap videographer ($250), my friend from John Barrett at Bergdorf and Goodman is doing hair and make-up free, I’m putting flowers on my red beamer no Rolls Royce and hiring a co-worker ($50), found a cheap DJ ($500 compared ot $2000), getting my veil favor and tiara freefrom my mom who bought in the philippines, found a shuttle for $162 for 50 people as oposed to 900

 

I am extremely frugal, I say stand your ground, it is your wedding, you need to do what is best, I agree the bridesmaids should not be fighting over the style of the dress, they agreed to be your bridesmaid so they need to suck it up; if worse comes to worse, then they need to step down, harsh but like the others said they should not be causing this tensiion for you. I am completely the same way, my mom calls me cheap it hurts my feelings but you know what I’ve never been in debt my whole life except ince when I  moved because of my frugal ways, and I am great find great deals, it’s an art’ if that is you and beyond your comfort level you need to stay string. Now if your birdesmaid are that adamant, then maybe they can chip in for tyour students dresses, we’ll see how they feel about it then.

 

I’m having a similar dilemma, I’m paying for my sisters gown and all her daughters who are flowergirls my sister isnt well off and I want them to look nice; we found a great dress on sale for only $80 and it suits her body type and she loves it, she want to shop some more but I have a feeling this dress is the one for her, and its so hard to find a style that suits you that you love plus at a great price on sale, I dont know some peopel just have a great concept of money, I love my sister, but every dollar counts, it may not be on sale anymore and gone!   

Good luck, stay true to yourself, you’ll be much happier off

Post # 29
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If the girls actually are willing to spend an extra $200 on a bridesmaid dress…LET THEM. 🙂 Maybe the girls don’t all need the same dress?

 Honestly, there is a big, big difference between Target and J.Crew. The j.crew dresses will look different, and probably better no matter what.

 I don’t think you should feel pressured though, its your wedding. However, $200 for a bridesmaid dress isn’t that terrible either. Girls are supposed to understand that becoming a bridesmaid means payinf for your dress! I was in a wedding and recently paid over $300 for a dress that wasn’t me at all! 🙂

 Seriously, if two are more willing to pay more for a j.crew dress… just let them!

Post # 31
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I like the a-line of the target one better, actually.  I feel like it might be more fun for a wedding.

And I have to say, your BM’s are not endearing themselves to me from what you’re saying.  I think you should stick with your guns and tell them to let up. 

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