(Closed) Bridesmaids think I’m controlling, please help!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, I don’t think you’re being controlling. And I don’t think your Fiance should have said anything unless his sisters were specifically asking him to mediate (and even then…). It’s possible they were just talking (people do…), and they might not have intended the conversation to get back to you.

ETA – Don’t do anything. Just stay with the original plan.

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

That sounds pretty normal to me. Was there maybe some kind of miscommunication between you and them that they might have taken the wrong way? Have you been talking to them in person or in email, sometimes tone is hard to read?

If not, then they are probably the type of people that will always have soemthing to complain about.

Post # 5
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did he elaborate at all about why they think you’re controlling?  I feel like there has to be more to the story than you put here, because that doesn’t seem controlling at all – either that, or they’re seriously confused!

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Your Fiance should mention to them that it’s customary and expected for the bride to pick matching shoes and dresses.

Is it possible that there’s more to this story? Are they planning a bridal shower or bachelorette party and maybe think you’re too involved with it? Are you requiring to help you with a lot of wedding related DIYs?

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ScottishMrs:  Did you want them to be in the bridal party in the first place? How was your relationship with them beforehand? Was it positive, negitive, or neutral? Because if it was good then they are just talking and don’t know the working of being a bridesmaid. If they are negative or indifferent, then yeah I would have a chat with all of them.

Post # 8
Member
46375 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

An $80 dress, any black shoes, hair and accesories of their choice? This does not spell controlling.

I think your Fiance needs to learn not to stir the pot. What good does it do for you to hear this?

If you approach them, they will know it came from him. I would let it go and rest secure in the knowledge that you are not at all controlling. It is the perogative of the bride to choose the BM’s dress, and you are being more than reasonable.

Post # 9
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Have any of them ever been bridesmaids before in their entire lives? 

Every time I’ve been a bridesmaid, my shoes, hair, and jewelry were dictated, in addition to what was sometimes an expensive dress. You’re being very accommodating.

Post # 10
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ScottishMrs:  

Was the dress chosen without their input or letting them try it on?  80 bucks IS a great deal, but if its something they HATE or that they don’t think is flattering to their figure, that might be the problem.  Perhaps they’d be willing to spend even more money on a dress they love helped to pick out.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, but as you said, if these are your future sisters, it might be worth trying to find a way to work it out.

Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ScottishMrs:  PS-you are NOT controlling whatsoever. Most brides choose the dress of the Bridal Party. I know I did and my BM’s paid $180 for their dress and jacket.

Post # 14
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You’re not being controlling and are being totally fare…they need to get over it…it may be a bit of jealousy there.

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, OP, in that case… (and I don’t mean to be disrespectful) I really think your Fiance shouldn’t have said anything.

I would chalk this up to inexperience and keep with your original plan.

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