(Closed) Bridesmaids: unavailable, dropped out… long post

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
177 posts
Blushing bee

Yuck. MIA bridesmaids are the worst. How many Groomsmen are you planning on? Is symetry that important to you? I feel like it’d look funny to have no BMs but have GMs, but that’s just me. Even though your friends are hard to get a hold of lately, it doesn’t mean they aren’t going to be in the wedding. I wouldn’t expect much from them at this point, but they could surprise you. Maybe send them an email with what your expectations are (including cost, since they’ll be traveling). Maybe they’re overwhelmed or confused or both. Or maybe send them the Bridesmaid’s Guerilla Handbook with a note. (That’s one of the best Bridesmaid or Best Man guides ever).

As for local Bridesmaid or Best Man: sounds like she’s a hot mess and you should just let her cut ties. You don’t want to worry about her being inappropriate.

Good Luck!!



Post # 4
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I always knew I was really lucky to have older sisters (already married) as my MOH’s because they had been there, done that and have absolutely no way of disappearing off the face of the earth, since we’re family. Friends are iffy, something about going from friend to Bridesmaid or Best Man seems to change some people in a negative way and unfortunately friendships are sometimes ended over this status change.

I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who I still love as a best friend, but she pulled a disappearing act during my engagement. She never answered her phone and when she did always was running somewhere and had to go, didn’t respond to emails, texts, facespaces. It got to a point where I almost called her parents to make sure she was still alive because it had been months since she last spoke to me. Regardless of all this, I just let it go and decided not to depend on her for anything.

So the moral of my long story is that you can’t depend on your BM’s to maintain their Bridesmaid or Best Man status. People are finicky and weddings unfortunately bring out the worst in some people. Consider yourself lucky if they show up to the wedding events prepared and on time. Lean on your family for support for now and you’ll be fine.

Post # 5
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I kind of went through the same thing as you. I am a little older (32) and by the time I got around to getting engaged all of my really close friendships had broken off, moved away, grown apart etc…I didnt feel close enough to anyone to ask them. My fiance had a brother and a best friend and he wanted to ask my brother. Feeling like I had to have people I ended up asking my sister in law (who at the time I didnt feel very close to) my fiances brothers girlfriend (they had been together 7 years at the time and I figured she was going no where) and the closest girlfriend I had. Well nothing turned out as I hoped or expected and it wasnt all bad… My friend that was a bridesmaid dropped out 6 months in. She informed me over email that she had suddenly remembered she was going on vacation that week. No surprise that we have since grown apart. My fiances brother and girlfriend went through a long and drawn out break up and are now no longer together. At first I was worried but surprise surprise we have become even closer during the whole thing. Same with my sister in law. Asking her has really helped repair what was wrong with our relationship and she has really come through. On top of this many of my female relatives, coworkers and aquaintances have been surprisingly supportive and excited for me. My point is is that weddings are emotional and life changing events that bring out the best and the worst in people. It really teaches you who your close friends are and the people that are going to come through for you in tough times and joyous events. My advice is to concentrate on the people that are there for you- your fiance, family and friends. Look to the good moments and forget about the bad. It is a happy time- dont let anyone ruin it for you!

Post # 6
5 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

Female friendships can be really difficult, and weddings (which are supposed to be such a happy time) can really bring out the worst in friendships.

If I were you, I would let go of your local bridesmaid and chalk that one up to experience and move on, it doesn’t sound like you will be losing much by moving on from that friendship anyway.

With your other friends, I think you should send them each an email detailing exactly what you expect from each of them as a bridesmaid. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man last year for a girlfriend who lives in Australia, I was living in London at the time. It was really difficult for both of us with time differences and different lives to maintain contact- She has 2 small children and I tend to be a work-aholic! So alot of the time we communicated through very long emails. It’s really hard if your girlfriends aren’t responding to you, have you checked that your Bridesmaid or Best Man in LA still has the same phone number? Maybe you could try arrange a time where all 3 of you can get online together and look at Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses together…

I know last year I felt quite detatched from my BF’s wedding because I wasn’t there with her going dress shopping and helping her with things, but it really helped me (I know that sounds really selfish) when she sent me photo’s of her having her dress made. I know it sounds ridiculous, but maybe your BM’s feel like they can’t help you since they are so far away and that all you require of them is to show up on the day and put on a dress you’ve chosen for them.

Goodluck, I really hope that your girlfriends come through for you. We all know what a stressful time this is.

Post # 7
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Don’t forget you can totally have your mom up there, or a guy friend, etc. And you don’t have to have the same amount as your groom. No one cares or notices that stuff anyways. I had 1 Maid/Matron of Honor, 4 BMs and a Jr. Bridesmaid or Best Man. Fiance had 2 Best Men and 4 GMs. And since I had a young girl, I didn’t have them walk down the aisle together (as pairs). And, as I look back, it would’ve been cool to have my mom be my Maid/Matron of Honor and my brother on my side too. Who cares what looks right, just do what is right for YOU.

Post # 8
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I have 3 bridesmaids(although one is really a Jr Bridesmaid age range)…fiance will have 1 Best Man, maybe 1 groomsmen, and 1 Jr groomsmen, and 1 flowergirl. 

I am not having a Maid of honor..I too asked a couple friends from highschool.

The other members from our wedding party are just my Fiance family members. 

Believe it or not, my older sisters are not bridesmaids in my wedding due to various reasons…sigh… 

My suggestions are to maybe ask any other friends you can think of, even if you are not best friends, but perhaps someone you view as *always being there* for you through thick and thin? That’s how I picked mine. Or another suggestion is to get a relative, such as a cousin or aunt. My fiance might have one of his uncles as the groomsmen since none of his friends want to be a groomsmen.

I think its fine to just have groomsmen and no bridesmaids, but I would suggest you just have one Maid of Honor…..or at least one bridesmaid, if you can find someone. 

You are not alone. A lot of people have drama with BMs…me included(my sisters who dropped out)! I know someone who said she and her fiance lost a Best Man and a bridesmaid before they ever made it down the aisle, too….. And in my fiance’s case, none of his friends even want to be in the wedding 🙁

Good luck, whatever you decide.


Post # 9
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i currently only have 3 definite BMS out of 6 that i want… i dont have many female friends either.. n am hesitant to ask some of them because i fear i will end up with MIA bms… sigh femail friendships can be tricky

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