(Closed) BridesMaids? – – Urghhh Annoyed

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To answer your question, no I don’t think asking 10 bridesmaids for $85 each for showers is reasonable. That’s $850!

Life does not go on hold until you are married. It is definitely ok for one of your bridesmaids to get engaged .

Sometimes we have to look inward for the source of our problems.

Post # 5
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julies1949:  I agree with Julies.  You can’t demand money from people.  You (or your Maid/Matron of Honor because you shouldn’t be involved in planning your own shower) can ask how much each person can contribue.

And I think you’re being even more ridiculous about how she needs to focus on ‘your’ day.  Seriously.  How long do you expect her to do that for?  How long does she have to put her life on hold so they don’t overshadow you? 


Post # 6
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

$85 per person is a lot, especially if they all can’t be there.

The only things I’m asking my BMs to spend money on are their dresses and transportation to my wedding.

They are organizing a bachelorette party, but only because they want to.

I’m not having a shower because There aren’t enough people in one place and I couldn’t ask my BMs to travel/spend money on a shower when they have to travel/spend money on the wedding.

Also, what’s wrong with someone getting engaged and sending out an announcement? If one of my BMs got engaged I’d be thrilled! I’d be in no way feeling like they were trying to “overshadow” me.

These are your friends, be happy for them. There is not a limit on happiness.

Post # 7
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m gonna agree with the others.  What the hell kinda showers are you having that cost over $400 each??  Sounds like you’re a little spoiled! Nobody cares about YOUR wedding as much as YOU.  Nobody is going to, nor should the be expected to, “focus on YOU and YOUR day.”  So what, she got engaged?  Assuming she didn’t chose the same date as you, what’s it matter?  Because she’ll be preoccupied with hers and not yours?  I know of a nice television show that would love to hire you as a cast member…

Post # 8
2 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it is ridiculous to ask for money from a bridesmaid for your shower.  If the person planning the shower needs to make it a more simple affair, then so be it.  Those who truly love you and are there to celebrate with you won’t mind finger sandwiches and cupcakes as long as you are there to share it with them. 

Post # 9
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You mentioned two showers… one in hometown and one in NYC.  Are all of your bridesmaids attending both?  If they’re not, why are they supposed to pay for one that they can’t even attend?

Post # 10
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think a woman who gets engaged after you and sends out announcements is competing with you. I would be offended if I had to shell out money for two showers, especially if I wasn’t able to attend both. It’s hard to be a bridesmaid when any bride wants a perfect day but not everyone has the ability to shell out a lot of money. I’m sure your friends are happy for you and looking forward to spending time with you on your special day! Just keep in mind that they will be there for you on your wedding and you have to be there for them on all the days up until your wedding. We only get one day. 

Post # 11
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

yeah, sorry hun, but that’s a very expensive shower, and that IS a lot to ask of people.  also, i don’t see why you are mad at your friend for sending an engagement announcement….is she supposed to wait a designated amount of time before she is allowed to do this in your mind?  

Post # 12
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

people are not going to be the kind of friend I am , i am the go above and beyond. I just think when you reach the most important moments such as this its clear who is really genuinely there for you and who isnt all that much ya know.

That’s a passive-aggressive way of saying your friends who won’t contribute $85 for the showers aren’t “genuinely there for you” and aren’t the same kind of amazing friend you are.  I think an amazing friend wouldn’t complain about her friends not being able to pay almost $100 for a couple of showers.  I’m still trying to wrap my head around why a shower costs over $400.  When I threw a shower for my friend it didn’t cost each of the BM’s $85, and there were only four of us.  And while we’re on that note, if your Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to organize a shower that cost that much, she should have checked the price with the other BM’s first, not just made the decision she wanted and then sent them the bill.

And I’m still trying to understand why not being able to contribute $85 and getting engaged computes as “the ones you are always there for somehow disappear,” as you stated in your first post.  This attitude is not reasonable.

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