Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2019 - City, State
Has anyone else had multiple bridesmaids waiting on proposal? A few of mine want their bfs to propose and they are consumed with it. At any event for my wedding all they can talk about is their nonexistent wedddings and how extravagant it will be. Like telling me oh you don’t need to have ______ pre wedding event. On the other hand, they talk about all the pre wedding parties they will have and the themes ect. I guess I’m annoyed because they act out by my few pre-wedding events.
Im the first one to get married in the group so I try not to talk about it or obnoxiously blow up social media with it or anything. I just get a vibe when their wedding comes around it will be treated as a “royal” wedding.
I feel like I’m trying to be so reserved about it I’m missing my moments to be happy during this time.
Post # 2
NOT to be rude but It’s hard when you realize that the only person in the room consumed by your wedding is you.
They’re your friends, they love you, they probably don’t realize they’re coming across as rude and selfish. Pointing it out to them may help, but it also may hurt.
You can always come here when you want to talk though!
Post # 3
They’re more preoccupied by their relationships for the same reason you’re more preoccupied by your own. Your wedding is the most important thing going on for you, but that’s not likely true of your friends. Cut them some slack— certainly you must have also been excited when you thought you would be getting engaged soon.
Post # 4
It’s a tough balance. You are the most important person in your world, as they are the most important people in their own.
Maybe they are trying to relate to you by sharing their own dreams? I would hope that they are good enough friends that you could explain to them how their comments are making you feel?
Post # 5
I feel bad reading this as I know my friend has been in a similar situation, 2 girls were waiting and are now engaged and on the bachelorette weekend they talked about their wedding and I’ll be honest, I even talked about my hypothetical one…maybe that was wrong but I was the only one unable to contribute to discussion really as I’m in none of those situations.
I understand totally where you’re coming from but at the same, they are probably just as excited and want to be able to talk about theirs too as it’s something you share in common.
My ex’s sister was due to get married when her younger sister got engaged and she specifically told her not to talk about her wedding until hers was over…I’m not sure you want to be like that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2019 - City, State
Thanks for the perspective! I just got a little turned off when some started putting down my plans.
Post # 7
So I hate to admit but I DID this to my best friend. She got engaged unexpectedly before me and I was THRILLED. A year later right before her wedding I got engaged too. Throughout the process I totally did what you’re talking about. I was aware but it was like word vomit and I couldn’t stop. Realize they are just excited and submerged in wedding world with you. I know it’s frustratinf (another friend did it to me for my wedding too lol) but try to empathize.
Post # 8
I was also the first to get married out of my friends. Most of my bridesmaids were the type that would probably just elope or choose not to get married at all so although they were supportive, participated in everything and seemed to have a great time I noticed after the wedding they’d repost a lot of “memes” and things basically bashing people who spend money on weddings and have bridal showers and stuff and that kind of hurt. Most of them were in other weddings where the brides were kinda bridezilla-ish so it might not have been aimed at me but still. I’d say in your case your friends are just trying to relate to you. Which if you look at it in a different way, it’s kinda nice. Them putting down your plans is not okay though, next time that happens I’d say something along the lines of “I’ll be super supportive of your ideas when you’re engaged and I’d love if you can do the same for me”
Post # 9
In my experience, being around some friends who are super supportive, and those that are actively talking over my news with their own wedding stuff (bc we got engaged at the same time) I have realized that people who are rude like you are experiencing with your friends, just don’t get it. The just don’t get they are being rude. In my experience, no ammount of explaining to them corrects their behavior. Because they simply don’t understand, and won’t. It is because of who they are.
For example, the kind of person who would ever think its appropriate to say, propose at someone else’s wedding? They clearly just don’t get it. And never will. Because to ever think something like that is ok? Speaks to the way they think in general. Those people cant’ be re-trained to understand what is appropriate and what isn’t.
My friend who smothered my engagement news with her own, even after being nicely and gently told I was bothered by it, and her claming she loves me and totally understands… STILL IS DOING IT.
I do think people making mean comments can be addressed though. IF any of your bridesmaids make a comment about something you have chosen to do for your wedding and wedding events and it is at all judgy, or “not what they would do” etc. I think you just say something. ” I am excited to be sharing this all with you, can we not make mean comments about my choices? I wouldn’t do that to you guys when you get married, and so i would appreciate it if comments can be kept positive and supportive.”
Try something like that. hugs bee, and don’t for a second not be excited because of other people. I let my friend effect me a bit and i regret that already. Find the people in your life who are excited and positive and spend more time with them. I know for me my mom would be happy to hear me go on endlessly about it if i wanted to because she loves me. Find that person for you and enjoy that.
Post # 10
It’s honestly probably just friends trying to relate. I am having a long engagement and I feel bad because I keep catching myself always talking about my wedding when at other peoples’ or talking wedding stuff with anyone else getting married.
Post # 11
I have a feeling I might have been a bit like your friends when I was the Maid/Matron of Honor. I wasn’t waiting for a proposal. It was just that when weddings are happening, you talk about them. You start thinking what you like and dislike. It’s not a topic that you discuss or necessity think about unless wedding is happening. It’s awkwardly trying to relate and participate.. If you think about it, a lot of wedding related things are objectively quite silly. Once you are planning your own wedding then they might feel less silly.
Post # 12
I may be in the minority, but I think there might be a bit of jealousy going on here. I’m not saying that to put your friends down or dismiss them. Jealousy is something that we’re programmed never to admit to, but it’s still a perfectly valid motivation. You say they’re waiting, not engaged, so they are probably in a very anxious place wondering if they will ever be in your position and being in your wedding is just bringing all of that up. They might be trying to reassure themselves that they will get a proposal by conjuring up visions of their eventual weddings. I can totally understand why this is annoying on your end, but you’re in a privelidged position by their standards, so if you demand sympathy it will probably just make things worse. However, I wouldn’t dampen your enthusiasm for your own wedding for their sake. Crow about it all you want, it’s your wedding, damnit! They’re big girls, they will get over it.
Post # 13
For the most part, I would ignore it and let it run off your back. They’re talking in hypotheticals and are probably a little envious that you’re already in the planning stage.
Where I would speak up is if they dismiss or diminish something you’re planning but talk about how they would do the same or more extravagant when they’re engaged – then I’d say something like, “so you’d like to have a 200-person bridal shower but you complained about coming to my 15-person bridal brunch? What gives?” (in a mild, questioning tone).