(Closed) Bridesmaids want to go elsewhere to get hair/makeup done

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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clattarulo626:  Let’s not get silly here. I said your bridesmaids disagree with you. Those two are your bridesmaids.

Post # 32
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You dictate, you pay. That’s how it is. It’s not like your bridesmaids are going to magically change their mind if you go, “But I’m the bride. You should be doing what I want you to do. No bridesmaid in history has ever gone, “Gee, you know what? We never realized! We’re sorry!”

 

<br /><br />You didn’t dictate, you didn’t pay, so they’re going to someplace they feel comfortable. I get not getting ready together. That’s a huge bummer, and I can empathize. But there are three options you have here: Pay for them with your stylists. Let them go to their stylist alone, or you go with them. If none of those options are acceptable, I don’t know what to tell you.

Post # 34
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

HAHAHAHAHHA oh man.

First of all, I think it’s great that you gave them the choice.

Second, you don’t want opinions you want sympathizers.

Third, you should always say what you mean.  I do not understand this mentality where we “show” that we are cool and calm and collected and then all of a sudden we go slightly crazy and start venting on the Net.  If they were your comrades, you should be able to tell them your preference and you should know that they love you enough to tolerate your whims and wants.

Obviously, because you came here, you are ashamed to actually voice out your wants because you’ll sound bratty.  You know what they say, if you had to ask…

My advice, tell them exactly how you feel.  Tell them

Dagnabit girls, could you guys just humor me for one day and pretend to support me in this.  I know you guys want your hair done right and your face all perfect.  I GET IT.  Would that be more important than sharing the last couple of hours with me as a single woman?  I love you and want to spend my time with my ladies, so could we please just humor my bridezilla requests because this is the one and only time I’m allowed for the whole world to revolve around me?  In turn I promise that when you guys get married I will be there to shoulder all your bridezilla needs, stand by you at your worst, and wear even the most hideous dresses you chose. 

Post # 35
Member
11509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I had two matrons of honor, four bridesmaids, two junior bridesmaids, and a flower girl. Only one of my bridesmaids chose to have her hair and make up done with me at my salon. Her daughter, the flower girl, also came to my salon with us.

One of my matrons of honor accompanied us but did not have her hair or make up done, instead preferring to do her own. My other Maid/Matron of Honor asked one of her other friends to do her make up elsewhere. Still another went to her own salon to have her hair done. Finally, the rest of my bridal party did their own hair and make up at the hotel near our venue. We did not get ready together, but, ultimately, we all ended up at the venue with our hair and make-up done.

 

Post # 36
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee

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clattarulo626:  you don’t require them to get it done professionally but if they do it has to be your HMUA? If they didn’t choose to get it done were they suppose to just sit in the room while everyone else did? I mean you have 7 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 5 are doing it there and the other 2 are not. Don’t you think that you have enough support already? If it was me I’d be jumping for joy the minute they walked in and would pore them a drink. They will get there don’t worry. Just do what you have to do to prepare for your day and it will all fall into place and everyone will be happy. Lets not make a big deal about HMU. There are plenty of girls who do this. They are not the first nor will they be the last. 

Post # 37
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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clattarulo626:  

I gave them the choice as well. I didn’t require hair and makeup to be done professionally.

The only choice you gave them was to use your chosen MUA/stylist or do their own.

but you also said the majority on wedding bee says the same including my two bridesmaids

No, This what I said. You can’t just make up stuff when it is all in writing.

<br />”Well, obviously your bridesmaids disagree with you too!<br />Check old threads. You will see that the overwhelming sentiment is that if the bride dictates the use of a particular MUA/stylist, she pays.”

We get that you are upset. Your vision of an idyllic wedding morning with your bridal party is not happeninig. But you need to own that. You are the reason it is not happening. You made it optional to use your MUA/stylist. They chose not. Now they have chosen to have their makeup and hair professionally done, rather than do it themselves.

They will only miss part of the morning.They will join you for the rest of your vision of togetherness.

Post # 38
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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clattarulo626:  I personally don’t believe that anyone has the right to dictate to another adult how they will do things as personal as hair or make-up even if they do pay, but you don’t have anything even approaching a leg to stand on here in terms of getting them to see things your way unless you pay.

Post # 39
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

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clattarulo626:  Right, I think you are misunderstanding what I’m saying. If they had said they were going elsewhere when you signed the contract to get yours done, you could have changed your mind from the salon you wanted and gone to their salon to get yours done as well to all be together. 

Post # 40
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

Bridesmaids issue aside, I can guarantee you in this whole process, including the day of, stuff WILL go wrong. Either something small or something not that small. Prepare yourself and try to be more flexible. Choose your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You can choose to be annoyed and dissapointed about little things or be happy, grateful and even laugh at the little curveballs that life might throw your way during the planning AND on your wedding day. 

Controling and micromanaging every detail and what every person involved in your wedding does is not only impossible, but it is EXHAUSTING,frustrating and dissapointing as you’ve already seen. 

 

Post # 41
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I totally understand being bummed about not getting ready with your whole party. Let those girls do their hair wherever they’d like and then they can join you after they are done. You said five of them are fine with it, if I read correctly. You’ll still have plenty of attention on you… That’s what you wanted, right? 

You gave them a choice and you cannot be upset if they don’t wish to pick your option. If you want them to be with you, you can offer to pay, but even that doesn’t guarantee that they will pick your option. 

It is your day, but you also have to remember all the time and effort everyone is putting into the day for you already. They are there to support, not bend to your every whim. 

Post # 42
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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clattarulo626: why not just have them show up at the start and stage doing their hair and makeup?

yes, they’d need to get an earlier appointment than their current appointment but at least you’d get your shots and they’d get their stylists. 

boom compromise 

Post # 43
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

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clattarulo626:  I’d let it go, but just make sure of what time they are making their appointments that they’ll arrive where the rest of you are with plenty of time to finish getting ready, photos etc. 

Post # 45
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t see an issue at all. 3 of my 4 BMs got their hair and makeup done elsewhere. It did not impact my wedding experience at all.

No big deal.

The topic ‘Bridesmaids want to go elsewhere to get hair/makeup done’ is closed to new replies.

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