(Closed) Bridesmaids want to go elsewhere to get hair/makeup done

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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clattarulo626:  I hope you are feeling better about things today.

Post # 47
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I get where your coming from! It reminds me of a group of girls getting ready for prom and then a fee going off on their own to get ready! Would their stylist be able to come to where ever you are getting ready? 

Post # 48
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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clattarulo626:  I think you’re totally valid in feeling upset. One of my fave parts of the day was getting ready at the salon with everyone. I understand they’re allowed to use whoever they want to – but I would want to be with the bride while she got ready.

Post # 49
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s crummy they are dipping out on your morning. I really do. 

If I had friends that wanted to do such a thing, I’d ask them not to because its important to me to have the bridal party together the morning of. My bridal party consists of my sisters and a couple of very close friends who consider me sisters because they don’t have any biological ones. I’d be extremely hurt if any of them left my side the morning of.

That being said, I don’t know how you picked your bridal party. If they aren’t people you consider family, I would back off and let them get their hair any makeup done elsewhere. Ask them to join you in getting dressed part of the morning. I’d also ask them to schedule the hair/makeup early so they don’t miss much of your morning with your maids. 

Post # 50
Member
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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clattarulo626:  For my best friend’s wedding, she paid for us to get our hair and makeup done, so we did it together. I was not impressed–she looked great, but they did a horrible job on me. I looked much older and like I had horrible wrinkles. They wanted the same makeup on everyone, so no one looked their best (this was the  makeup person’s request, not the bride’s). Then they didn’t understand my hair type and my hair didn’t hold.

The bride got to have is get ready together, but she didn’t get confident bridesmaids. She also has to live with the photos.

Had she not paid, I would have gotten my hair done somewhere else and done my own makeup. It isn’t that I wanted it to be a solo activity, it is that I wanted to look my best for my friend and her stylist was not going to excel with my hair type.

Post # 51
Member
13395 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The real etiquette of your situation goes a lot farther than some PPs do.  You have no right to dictate whether hair and makeup are done, how, where or by whom. You get the dress, period. You can offer to pay if they use your person, or if they don’t, but they don’t have to accept the offer.

Further, there is no etiquette , tradition or obligation involving “getting ready.” It is totally optional. You can request that they come for photos or suggest it but you cannot require it. On the other side, if accommodating the bride to show up for some photos helping her to get dressed is feasible, why wouldn’t you?

Hair and makeup don’t have to be involved. Frankly, there are lots of pros to not having to deal with coordinating all that. BMs can show up ready to put on the dress and help you. 

Sometimes it’s not practical at all. Plenty of brides meet their party at the ceremony location, where last minute touch up and getting ready photos can be done in the bridal room. 

Post # 52
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

How much support does a grown adult need to get MARRIED? This sounds weird to me. You’re getting married not having open heart surgery. Let them do THEIR hair and makeup that THEY have to pay for where they want. I can’t believe some of the craziness I read.

Post # 53
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Why not focus on the 5 that will be there. This is mountain molehill situation.

Post # 56
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

In my opinion, you can totally feel hurt about the bridesmaids choosing to get their hair/makeup done an hour away the day of your wedding – but if you haven’t TOLD them how you feel, they’re not being rude and probably have no idea.  

But I would feel the same.  I want my girls there when I get ready.  When my sister got married, we did a Starbucks run, met at my aunt’s house and got ready.  When she stepped into that dress, we were all in our bridesmaids dresses.  

That being said, you can’t require them to be there, you can only ask.

Post # 57
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

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clattarulo626:  I’m so sorry that some bees are being so harsh to you.

I completely empathize with you as I’m in a very similar situation. My bridal party consists of my mom, my two sisters, my fsil, and my best friend Who is my mOh. My mom is insisting she gets her hair done at her own salon, so I wont be seeing her until 5 minutes before We leave for the ceremony. Now my moh wants to leave me to get her hair done at her salon as well. I completely get your feeling of wanting everyone together! I was devastated after my own mother announced shes leaving and now my moh too. I think we are going to compromise by using my mohs hair stylist for everyone. Would something like that be an option for you?

Post # 58
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

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clattarulo626:  It’s a shame that they’re not going with you, but if everyone is paying for their own services, you just have to shake it off. Someone is going with you, right? Maid/Matron of Honor Or Mom?  Focus on that person(s), it will be more quality time with fewer people around. You will still have time to bond when you all meet up and drink champagne and take pictures and put the dresses on. Remember that lots of little details such as this are not going to go exactly as you originally pictured, and that’s okay. This is good practice for shaking off smaller things and realizing they aren’t super important. It’s going to be a long day and you’re going to have plenty of time with these girls other than this one hour. 

Post # 59
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

It is a matter of personal preference and since it’s their hair and makeup they get to choose. You have other people and bridesmaids to be with you. You just have to get over this or else offer to pay for both their hair and makeup (what I would do). Give them a time they have to be to your venue or home and that’s it. Life goes on.

Post # 60
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

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clattarulo626:  my best friend is getting married next Saturday. She is getting her hair and make up done at her house, we were invited too as well. It’s $200. If we go to the salon, it’s $85 for hair and make up…sonce we are paying for own hair and make up, dresses, and shoes, we all booked an appointment with the salon. I know the bride would like us as all to be together (and I would also like that!) but it’s  our money, our choice. The salone is 10 minutes from her house. We don’t want to spend $100+ just to save a 5 minute ride. She can either join us at the salon, or pay the difference and have us join her in the house. Otherwise: deal With it.

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