Post # 1
I’ve decided to have my two best friends and my two darling sisters as my bridesmaids. No Maid of Honour becuase I have no way of choosing between them. But… none of these girls have ever been bridesmaids before, they haven’t been to any weddings since they were children, and I know for a fact other that bridesmaids are in someway involved in weddings they haven’t the foggiest idea of what a bridesmaid does.
I want to put together a little “will you be my bridesmaid?” box and tell them what a bridesmaid does.
How do I bring up expenses? Should I mention that bridesmaids usually host showers and/or bachorlorette parties? How are they going to find out if I don’t?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
My 3 BMs and my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t have the foggiest either. It didn’t really bother me since I plan on doing most things myself (I’m a bit of a control freak), but my Maid/Matron of Honor was so excited she actually spent ages researching their duties on her own and has sort of lead the charge, so to speak.
They key thing here is that there’s no “must do” list for being in the bridal party. All they really have to do is show up on the day. Everything else is just what you would like them to do.
Post # 4
I would maybe just hint at it during conversation, like maybe say, “I’m so excited for the shower, I know y’all will do a great job planning it!” Idk if that’s rude? I think it can be said in a nice, casual way!
Post # 5
They have no duties other than standing next to you at the wedding. And no, you can’t tell them to throw you parties.
Post # 6
@MissJuicy: OP is from Australia- showers aren’t the norm here.
As other pp’s have said their only obligation is to stand up next to you at your wedding wearing the right attire. Ask them to things like dress hunting, expos, vendor visits but don’t hold it against them if they choose not to come along and try not to ask in a demanding way.
Basically your wedding is the most important event in your life but it isn’t the most important event in other peoples lives.
Post # 7
I got asked to be bridesmaid last year and had no idea there was anything to do. She said right from the start we had to pay for dress hair and make up. We didnt know we had to throw a party. Then she pretty much said this is the date I want my party and heres the guest list thanks for organising my party! neither of us have a lot of moneyto throw anything so her sisters did it the other bridemaids and they organised going to a dinner and show that cost $70!
The only thing she asked me to do was dress shopping once..
Post # 8
@oneofthesethings: this. I would NEVER hint to anyone to throw me a party. I dont believe that’s something they HAVE to do and especially not both shower and bachelorette. They already have an expense of their outfits and giving their time to be with you.
Post # 9
I am not putting together a rule list or a duty list. But these girls, no kidding, were more excited to tell their friends about my engagement than I was to tell mine. And if they want to I want them to know that they are allowed to do things like help with planning and host parties.
But I guess there might not be any good way to let them know, so just standing up on the day will have to be it.
Post # 10
@SweetCherryPie: If they want to be involved and you are okay with that then let them be involved. It is only a problem when they don’t want to be involved and the bride is chucking a tantrum because they wont do this and this and that.
Maybe talk to them and let them know you are excited to include them but only as much as they want to be included and jokingly say that if at anytime they notice you being a bit bridezillish to let you know 🙂
Post # 11
If they want to, or are worried they are forgetting something, they will Google how to be a bridesmaid. I did not do everything correctly myself, but in the package it might seem overwhelming and demanding