Post # 1
My twin sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she is currently in law school, so she’s super busy, has no income and is living off loans. She has spent so much time organizing the bridal shower and contacting my other bridesmaids; however, they have not been helpful at all. My shower is in less than a month and half of them still haven’t responded to her emails about the shower. My best friend did email my sister back, but said that she didn’t think that she had to chip in for the shower and she didn’t think that the other bridesmaids would be able to contribute either (her mother hosted an extravagant shower for her at a country club so she doesn’t think it’s customary to split costs). My shower is not extravagant and after my sister split up the costs they each will have to chip in about $25. I should note that my mom is paying for the rental of the space we have reserved. All my other bridesmaids are employed and I know that they go out on the weekends, go to dinner, shopping etc all the time, so I truly believe that they can chip in $25 each. My sister is more than frustrated and I’m kind of hurt because I’ve done so much for my friends but now that it’s my turn they haven’t really helped out at all.
So, is it customary to split the cost of the bridal shower between bridesmaids? If not, I can definitely chip in some too seeing as how this is my shower. But more importantly, what can I do to prevent a huge blow up between my Maid/Matron of Honor and other bridesmaids?
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
So many wedding customs are local. In my area, all maids (including MOH) traditionally split the shower costs. BUT the last wedding I was in didn’t work like that. None of the other maids were willing to contribute anything for the shower. I took it upon myself to do it all because I wanted the bride to have that experience. I will say that the bride will NEVER know that I did it all myself. It’s not her problem or her business. IMO, it’s in poor form for your Maid/Matron of Honor to be sharing these troubles with you. If the other maids are not willing to contribute, it’s up to your Maid/Matron of Honor to figure out what she can handle without them and plan accordingly. You, as the bride, should not be involved with throwing a party for yourself. If you are stressed about ypur Maid/Matron of Honor spending the money, you can always graciously decline the shower.
Post # 3
It is customary to split the costs of a shower between maids if they want to be involved. It is not customary to send them an email telling them they owe x amount fo money for a shower they have not agreed to be a part of.
A shower is a gift given to the bride, not a right. The person organising the shower bares the burden of it’s costs unless someone else offers to help.
Post # 4
With all bridal showers- or even just parties- that I have helped organized I have sat down with the other respective parties and asked what budget they are comfortable with and ideas they may have. All of this was done before the planning process began.
Being told you have to pay ‘x’ amount would not sit well with me. Even if it was just $25. Although as you say that the other bridesmaids did not respond to emails you can’t just go ahead and plan everything and then expect payment.
As stated above- if you see it a huge stress on your sister you can gracefully decline the shower.
Post # 5
It’s more likely for the MOB to pay for the shower where I live.
That said, many of the tasks or smaller parts are farmed out to the BMs. I would be irked if I was told “bring this.” It works a lot nicer if someone says this is what thr bride would probably like, here’s what it will take from each of us, is this possible? And go from there.