- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
Okay, so my friend and I are both getting married in the next 18 months. She’s getting married this summer, I’m getting married next summer. She asked me to be a bridesmaid right after I got engaged, and as such, seemed to assume that I would ask her. Locally, she is one of my closest friends, but my best friends (college roommates/sorority sisters/ family) live, at the closest, over two hours away. I’ve always wanted a small wedding, and had decided to ask a cousin, and two of my sorority sisters to be my bridesmaids. After she asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding, she started casually mentioning things that made it seem like she thought I had asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I definitely hadn’t. I hadn’t asked anybody, and was working on gifts to ask the other three girls to be bridesmaids, and wasn’t planning on having a Maid/Matron of Honor. I explained that to her one day, saying that I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had any more reponsibility than anyone else, especially because they weren’t local and so much of our group planning had to be seperate (finding dresses, etc). I never officially asked her, but, turns out I’m having four bridesmaids anyway. I did make it clear, though, that there wasn’t a Maid of Honor, but that my cousin was ‘lead’ bridesmaid.
Flash forward six months, in relation to HER wedding. Her Maid and Matron of Honor started talking to her other bridesmaids (there’s seven of us, total) about her shower. We reserved a venue (a church where we could get the fellowship hall for free, but it’s not the bride’s church), we ordered invitations, started getting decorations together, and contacted several caterers for pricing, etc. This was over Thanksgiving, as some of her bridesmaids live out of town and we were all home.
We all got together for lunch before people went home, and the Matron of Honor mentioned that we had started planning and the bride lost it. She started yelling at all of us and stormed out of lunch (without paying), and didn’t talk to any of us for several days. Bride’s mom contacted the Maid and Matron of Honor (bride’s cousins) and said to cancel all plans for the shower, that Bride wanted to plan it herself. That the two of them (bride and bride’s mom) would plan the shower. I pretty much gave up at that point. She’s been texting me things that she wants me to do for the shower (scheduled for mi-April), and I respond vaguely. I know I’m being selfish. But this whole thing seems ridiculous to me.
Bride and mom rented a room that costs $350. The catering is going to be about $400. They paid for all the decorations and invitations and game prizes. The other day, her mom emailed all of women in the bridal party and said that we each owe her $200. This seems insane to me. I don’t believe that I should have to pay $200 for her to throw herself a party to ask for gifts. Between the seven of us, that’s a $1400 party! I don’t know if I’m just being really bitter because of how things have gone down, or if I’m being totally unreasonable. We had a really inexpensive and sweet shower planned, and had already invested money into that. Not a lot, but still about $50 each.
Then, this morning, she sent me a message and told me that I needed to contact all the people that RSVP to the bridal shower and let them know that they’re not permitted to wear anything yellow or pink to the shower. She’s wearing a yellow dress with a pink belt and a pink flower in her hair, and no one else can wear those colors.
Please, tell me I don’t have to actually do this! I have no idea what to do with her. I can’t even talk to her right now because I’m so angry about things. How can I approach this without looking like the bad guy but aldo let her know I’m not comfortable paying the money or calling people and telling them that?
Any help would be appreciated!