(Closed) Bridesmaid/Shower/Help!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
eleanorrigby15:  If she and her Mom are planning the shower, she and her Mom are paying or the shower. It is completely inappropriate to send a bill to the bridal party when they have had no input.

I would contact her asap and tell her that beause she and her Mom took over the planning, you assumed that they would be responsible for the cost of the shower. You will not be paying for the shower, nor will you be telling the guests what to wear.

Post # 3
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Honestly, I would be not only rethinking being a bridesmaid for this woman – I would be rethinking the friendship. So she’s decided to be rude and plan her own bridal shower, then her mother is demanding money from you all and the bride is telling you to tell guests what they can and cannot wear? Yeah, no thanks. As PPs suggested, I’d be getting in touch with her ASAP and saying that as she and her mother took over the planning for the shower you assumed that they would be paying for it and that you are unable to contribute towards it with the money that you lost on the now cancelled shower. I’d also be saying that, if she wants a dress code for the shower, she needs to communicate this to the guests herself. If she throws a tantrum, I’d probably tell her that I have to step down as a bridesmaid.

Post # 4
33 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

So I think most brides would be flattered that their bridesmaids took it upon themselves to throw a shower. It’s very hard to imagine someone storming out on their friends because they were planning to do something nice. 


If her mom and her are planning the shower, they are paying for it, and they are in charge of all decisions, including telling someone not to wear certain colors (seriously?). they can’t plan it without your help/input and expect you to pay for it. Especially because decisions about money become much easier for them when they can say “yeah let’s splurge on this, because it’s going to be divided between 7 other people!”


I would get in touch with the bridesmaids and make sure you are all on the same page. Maybe instead of contributing to the shower, you could all go in on a big gift for her? 


Also, ask yourself, has she demonstrated any kind of this behavior before? I mean, wedding planning is stressful, but this seems really extreme. 

Post # 5
2121 posts
Buzzing bee

I would tell her you can’t afford it and drop out. This is insane! 

Post # 6
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with JulieS, if they planned it, they’re paying for it. You were planning something within your budget and they asked you to stop, so tough s— for them. It’s in extremely poor taste to charge your guests to attend a bridal shower.

I would absolutely refuse to pay, and say that as she is now the clear host of the party, she is responsible for contacting the guests. I think the color restriction is ridiculous, it sounds like something that would be orchestrated for someone’s lifestyle blog.

Post # 7
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Echoing PPs–if the bride and her mother want to plan the shower they can pay for it, inform the guests of their ridiculous rules, etc. 

Are you sure you want to remain a bridesmaid? Or a friend to this bride? 

Post # 8
915 posts
Busy bee

I agree with pp that this is insane.  Tell her you already put money into her shower and cannot afford anymore (she doesn’t need to know and shouldn’t ask how much).

On the second issue, are people responding to your for attendance? This is crazy.  Her mom can inform them or she can tell them herself when they respond.

Sorry, this is unbelievable! 

Post # 9
3607 posts
Sugar bee

She and her mom don’t get carte blanche to spend your money because you agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The BMs should agree on an amount they are willing to spend amongst themselves and let the bride know. If it’s $50 each, she and her mom are on the hook for the other $150/pp. Also, I would let her know you are uncomfortable dictating what guests can and can’t wear, so you won’t be doing this.

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