- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
So, my fiance/I have been together ten years… And I’ve known, but never been close to, his sister since she was ten or eleven. She’s not terribly mature, and kind of shy around me (but often irrational towards her family, which doesn’t usually include me). There was some conflict a few years ago with their parents where people took sides, and she had taken her parents side (it was future-wedding-related), but that’s dissipated over the last four or five years. Except that now we’re getting married. People have said/seemed fine now, but it’s in the back of my mind.
Anyways, I asked her to be a bridesmaid, one of five, because I thought it would be nice to have her involved… and I thought it might give us a little opportunity to bond. We live in a different city than most of the bridesmaids, so I made a facebook group to discuss wedding stuff in with them. They don’t all know each other; two are my sisters, and two are my friends. At first, posts just concerned choosing dresses; I let them all pick their own fancy get up, and wanted help picking something that would unite them ( a colour, an accessory, whatever). She didn’t participate (but posts regularly on her fb page). I posted pictures of the venue, and tagged her.. she didn’t say anything. I sent her a private message thanking her for being a bridesmaid. She saw it and didn’t respond. I sent her a private message with a website I made that had some dress options. She saw it, and didn’t comment. I asked her to pass a xmas gift on to her mom for me– she sent a very short “ok. sure.” I posted pictures of flowers I’d made. nothing– at this point, she isn’t even reading the group messages (they say “seen” for some reason when ppl visit the website). Finally, months later, I posted a question asking for everyone’s advice on some wedding shoes. No answer from her. So I tagged her specifically. no answer.
By now, I’m getting a complex, and thinking she’s pissed at me for some reason. Maybe she didn’t like the dress. Maybe she didn’t want to take time off. Maybe–well who knows? So I wrote a few sentences asking what was up, was she mad? Was she ok? how come she’s not responding?
She just says “I’m not upset, I’m fine.” so I push it a little..Okay, so how come you aren’t talking much?
She says, “Busy with life. No useful input. You’ve got everything under control. I’m not really good at facebook groups”
So I think, either she just doesn’t care… or she thinks I don’t, and that she isn’t really important. Although it doesn’t explain the private message ignoring. So I explain, oh, your input’s important! Even an occasional “like” makes me feel less stressed, because I have approval for my decisions. And I hate making decisions. And also, it’ll help break the ice w/ other bridesmaids. (this is summarized)
And the response is, “umm.. ok. I’ll try to like things more often.”
But it still sounds like she doesn’t care aaat alll, and is just going to randomly click like on shit to appease me, the crazy girl who just said she needs her to click “like” to feel less stressed. And I still don’t really know why she’s barely speaking to me. So I ask her, “do you *really* not want to be involved? I dont want you to feel like you need to like shit that you don’t really like.” then I worry that that sounds mean.
My fiance thinks it sounds like I’m attacking her and don’t want her to be my bridesmaid. So I look at the mountain of text I’ve written compared to her two short sentences, panic and add “I just think you should read stuff and click like if you actually dooo like it. Gawwd, sorry , I probably sound like a crazy person =P
Are you not a typing person? I kind of assume, you have a cell, you probably text all the time, or facebook. but i guess not everyone is. mebbe that’s my confusion.”
Now I’ve made the mountain of text bigger! She sees it, and doesn’t respond.
My fiance thinks I made a big deal out of nothing. I think I’m just trying to resolve an issue– either one where she doesn’t like me/the wedding for some reason, one where she’s uncomfortable with the group, or maybe one where she just doesn’t care enough to be polite. Or something else.
Do you think it’s weird that this bothers me so much? Am I coming off mean?