Post # 1
For those of you who don’t know me (which is all of you since this is my first “real” post), I am very thoughtful of my bridesmaids and want them to feel as comfortable as anybody else but they seem to be running the show.
Let me explain that I have a pretty large family and my cousins and best friends had to be included. That made 10 to 11. Yes, I know that will be a headache but I could not exclude any of them. I also decided to call them my “maids of honor” not “bridesmaids” because they are all truly special to me and I can’t make one more important than the other.
So I asked them, they agreed and then came the problems. Problem 1: the dress I picked for them to wear was just not for them (2 of the 10). Solution 1: give suggestions and we can all keep looking- that involved a color change, a change of style and even a change of my opinion of why I had asked so many girls in the first place! Ok, so we agreed to keep looking. Then came problem 2: I was not following the traditions they brought along with them; solution 2) I agreed to follow some traditions that I believed in. Problem 3) I invited someone that a bridesmaid did not want to see. This one requires an extremely long story (or a whole ‘nother post) but I’ll just skip to the main issue: he is a very close friend, she is his ex. Long story short, she backed out of being in my ceremony after years of close friendship. Solution 3) nothing; I’m still hurt that a 19 year friendship is not worth forgetting your grudge for 1 hour during the ceremony (among other things), but what can I do? So I continued my search for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and found one, cute, relatively affordable, fits the (new) color scheme and comes in size xs for my tiny bridesmaid to 3xl for my more-to-love girls. Problem 4) One of them decides she does not like it.
If you see someone out in the streets yelling, pulling out their hair, and punching poles, please direct me towards California so I can go home. I would really appreciate it.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you have to deal with this… if I agreed to be someone’s bridesmaid I would wear a paper sack if it made them happy. My girls all have different taste, so I picked a designer that carried a variety of dresses that complimented each other and everyone picked their own dress. Is that a possibility for you?
Post # 4
I refuse to deal with this kind of stuff and thank the lord so far that I haven’t had to. Now, if someone has a scar that they are uncomfortable with or something like that, I am willing to listen, but I don’t like that color or I don’t like that dress stuff I am not dealing with.
Post # 5
@Elm tree: At this point you have been very generous. Please make sure this wedding is a reflection of your Fiance and you. My friend let her mother run her wedding and 7 years later she regrets it.
Pick the color scheme you want, pick a dress cut like A-line or Princess that flatters ALL female body shapes (apple, pear, rectangle, et al) and tell this maids this is the dress you want for them.
Are they planning your shower yet? It better be amazing with all those women
Post # 6
Did you check their budgets individually with them prior to deciding on a dress? It may be their responsibility to purchase the dress of your choice, but it is your responsibility to make sure the dresses are not above the lowest budget.
And what do you mean by #2? A dress you found didn’t meet someone’s tradition? If it wasn’t modest enough for their way of life, you can always accommodate that one person with a bolero, shawl, or something slghtly different with a longer skirt or sleeves. Many Orthodox Jewish and Muslim women, and some Christians too, believe a woman should not show her shoulders or her legs off in public. This is a vew that should be respected.
Once you take price and modesty into account, go forth and choose your dress!
Post # 7
@futuremrsfitz18: I mean that they wanted to incorporate their traditions to my ceremony. I wanted them to be bridesmaids but they felt the need to provide something for the ceremony like they do in their country.
@futuremrsfitz18: Yes and I’m very happy you point that out because it means you would do that for yours. I made sure I was within everybody’s budget but what they disagree with is either the color, the style, or even who is in my guest list.
Thanks for the support ladies, sometimes one just needs a good venting session.
Post # 8
@Elm tree: In the end the dress decision is yours- I do, however, think its best practice to find something that the majority like. I think color can be tricky, for a wedding I’m in we went shopping and tried on 3 different shades of red. The bride and I talked about the different shades and it was decided that the softer red would compliment everyone better than (as the older lady helping us put it) ‘hooker red’ shade! You certainly wouldn’t want your girls washed out right??
What is it that the odd man out doesn’t like?? 9/10 is pretty damn good IMO!
Post # 9
I have a large group of BMs too, 9 to be exact.. I haven’t yet begun the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress search, but I’ve already decided there’s NO way in heck I’m bringing all 9 with me, I’d pull my hair out. So this is my plan: I’m going to just take my Maid/Matron of Honor and best friend to look at dresses.. narrow it down to 2 or 3 we (I!) really like, then tell the other 7 girls where the dresses are, and which ones they are and have them go try them on–I’ll go w/ them if they want. Then once every one has had the chance to try them on & get the feel for them, I’m taking a group vote.. majority wins!! No one will be mad at me, Hey I didn’t pick them out, you guys did! And then at least I’ll be picking the one most of them like. *fingers crossed* it works out as good in real life as it does in my head!
Post # 10
I understand the tradition thing better – honestly I think you were better off not asking for their input about traditions. After all, the only traditions you need to reflect in your wedding are your own and your FI’s.
As for the dresses – I do hope you’re being sincere and not sarcastic (?) I am actually allowing my bridesmaids to choose a black cocktail dress of their own. They can use one they already have, or buy a new one wherever they like, from Target to the Gap to Barney’s. So I didn’t need to even ask about their budgets, because they can spend or not spend whatever they want.
Post # 11
You’ve done enough. It’s one day. They’ll get over wearing a dress they don’t like. I’ve never really liked a single bridesmaids dress I’ve worn. I got over it (without bitching to the bride!). They can too. Especially if it’s just 1 girl. Tell her, I’m sorry it’s not what you would pick but I really like it and you can wear your hair how every you want, or do you hair however you want or whatever you’re letting them decide on their own.
Post # 12
Haha, your last statement made me giggle. 🙂
I went dress shopping with 5 of my 6 bms this past weekend. I expected it to get a bit crazy because none of them have the same body type & they all of course have different styles. These girls are my best friends & I want them to be comfortable! LUCKILY, they all found one I love; color, style, price(!).
I’m sorry you’re having a rough time but I promise the girls who truly want to stand up beside you on your special day will come through! Good luck <3
Post # 13
@futuremrsfitz18: No I was being serious. I’ve been through a lot of situatiosn where it’s “here you do this” without considering that I was a student full-time. Due to that, I’m super budget friendly when it comes to the dresses. I looked in the range of 60 and found one just over that.
@jpalm13: I know, right? 9/10 is almost perferct. Now for that last picky one… One thing is certain, I’m not changing my colors once agiain because I already booked and planned the whole thing.
Post # 14
I honestly would tell the one girl to get over it. But here are some other solutions.
Can you let them pick between the two you have liked? are all the girls the same age? Could you let the younger girls pick one dress and the other girls pick another?
I think you have been more then accomidating.
Post # 15
i completely get not wanting to hurt anyone, but this is one of those situations where having a Maid/Matron of Honor might helpful!! she could probably pull rank and shield you from a lot of this dress/ceremony drama 🙁
i was in a MOH-less wedding recently and there was a lot more power-struggling going on that i ever saw in any other bridal party (of which i have been in many)… A Maid/Matron of Honor doesnt need to be a popularity contest, you just need a responsible person who listens to you and helps manage that giant group of BMs… could you ask a sister or best best friend to kinda help keep people in line, even without the Maid/Matron of Honor title?
Post # 16
@bostongirl27: The problem here is that the one who would usually take that spot is the one who won’t attend the ceremony and backed out. We are not really talking right now, she really hurt me when she said she was backing out and would not be there for me on that day. When I say “really hurt” I’m really understating it. I feel so deflated.