- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2016
I’m a massive introvert and nowadays appreciate it when I get purposefully excluded because people understand that I’d rather drink cyanide than attend. That’s true kindness towards me. So I understand dreading the whole ordeal. If you really really can’t bring yourself to go, have an excuse at the ready (most people don’t like the truth), don’t go, and refuse to feel guilt for it.
I just got married, and my SIL was in my bridal party as well. She’s a little younger than me, she’s still in school, and she’s really not close with any of my friends. She simply declined the bachelorette as she doesn’t have a job or income at the moment. It was 100% fine with me, and in fact, I’m glad she did what she was comfortable with. I’d rather have someone be upfront and honest and not commit to soemthing that they can’t afford or don’t want to do.
my sister asked her two FSILs to be BMs, and in the end she wished she hadn’t one of them didn’t want to do any of the pre-wedding activities, and it put a bit of a sour mood over the whole bridal party. it was very much a feeling of, “if you don’t want to celebrate with me, then why did you say yes to start with?” She asked the FSILs out of a sense of obligation…and learned that mistake. she wishes she had asked another one of her close friends instead.
maybe the bride is in the same boat? and she asked you becasue she felt she HAD to? if that’s the case, and you don’t want to really be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then for her sake, step down. it will allow her to have another friend in the wedding (if she wants), and she won’t feel sourly towards you for not participating.
A few years ago a close friend of mine got engaged almost exactly the same date as me. She went on to get married while my engagement broke apart. I was in the midst of the crappiest part of the breakup on her shower/bachelorette day. I went to the shower and not the bachelorette part. We now live quite some distance apart and she has two kids. I wish I had gone to the bachelorette as it was apparently super fun! I am so happy though I got the chance to celebrate with her.
I think in life we have to take opportunities that present themselves, and this seems like a great chance to get to know your new family. You don’t have to go the whole weekend either like PPs have suggested. I am sure though your attendance would make the bride’s day!
The shower was arranged by the bride’s mom, and it’s at a country club. The room rental, decorations, tables, chairs and food are quite expensive. The cost is being divided equally amongst the four BM’s. How was I to know all of this at the time my Future Sister-In-Law asked me to be a bridesmaid? Of course I will attend the shower, and my parents are offering to pay my share of the shower costs (although they are also not pleased with the type of fancy arrangements that were made…but it was HER mom who decided everything, and there are too many people attending to have it at somebody’s house.)
As for the bachelorette, I will probably end up going based on many responses here. I’ve already paid my portion of the villa, because we had to pay in advance to secure the reservation (or I should say, my parents had to pay for it).
I know your parents are paying for that but I would be mad about it too.
As for the bachelorette weekend… I say go, even if just for one night. If you really don’t want to you don’t have to, but this woman is going to be in your life FOREVER.
She’s about to promise the rest of her life to your brother, she’ll birth your nieces/nephews and babysit your kids when you need a night off, she’ll be your confidant for planning thanksgiving and christmas dinners… no time like the present to start building a great relationship!
as for the shower, that’s a sucky situation. the MOB should have discussed plans with the entire bridal party BEFORE she made such elaborate plans if she had anticipated the four of you paying for it. it’s not uncommon for the bridesmaids to share the cost of the shower; but the bridesmaids are usually intimately involved in planning the shower. planning a party and then handing over the bill to someone else is not cool – and both you and your parents have every reason to be irked by it. but it sounds like what’s done is done, and raising hell about it isn’t going to teach someone who is rude to be less so. sigh. but yeah, you never should have had such a huge unexpected bill fall into your lap.
I guess I’m just being selfish, by thinking that all of this is just too much. I know it’s her day,not mine. But at least I know now that If/when I get married, I’m not having a bachelorette…seems like lots of money that could be used for something else.
Why can’t weddings just be simple and low-key and happy events, instead of all this hoopla and extravagance and stress? Thanks allot, TLC.
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