Post # 1
I’m really disappointed in how the wedding I was in this past weekend turned out. The bride waited until the last minute to do so many things, so several of us out of town bridesmaids had to help with all of these stressful projects the last two days before the wedding. I thought we were going to have fun girl time with the bride, but she never showed up and instead just gave us all this work to do because she didn’t want to pay the money to have anyone else do it and she knew we would do it for free.
Then on the wedding day the bride yelled at us and said we weren’t helping her enough. I thought we were helping her to our best abilities! We were always paying attention to her I thought. The bride and groom never seemed appreciative, they didn’t thank the bridal party ever, and they barely took any pictures with us.
I don’t know bees, this wedding was just really stressful and disappointing. Several of us bridesmaids are questioning the friendship now.
Have you encountered behavior like this too? What would you do?
Post # 3
That is so unfortunate =( I was so thankful some of our bridal party was able to help us set up. I hate that some brides think that their BMs are there to be their slaves. At least now the wedding is over and you can put that all behind you.
Post # 4
yeah I totally felt like a slave! I just didn’t expect this from this friend. 🙁
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
That sucks, sounds like she was just a bad planner. My BFF had some day before bridzilla-ness but we put it behind us and the day of was great. I hope the day was good for the bride at least… but I don’t think there’s anything you can do.
Post # 6
That’s ridiculous. You flew in early to be with her, and she gave you “jobs” to do, then complained you weren’t doing enough? Clearly you recognize that this behaivior is not ok for ANY bride to do. I’m sorry you went through this, and hope your friendship recovers.
Post # 7
Maybe wait it out for a little bit. If this was extremely out of character for your friend to behave this way, it may have been stress and the reality of so many last minute projects needing to come together at one time. If this is standard for her, and this was just a far more extreme example of common behavior, then yeah, maybe reevaluate how much this friendship is worth. But I would wait maybe a month and see if she makes any gestures– calling, a thank you card, and apology, or even just the friendship reverting to normal.
I went through a situation where one friend’s wedding and how she behaved resulted in my decision to let the friendship drop. However, that was based on her behavior over months of wedding planning that and her increasing hostility and hurtful comments that lead me to believe that the friendship was not worth it.
Unless it was a really horrible, never-coming-back-from situation, I don’t think one day or one instance should doom a friendship.
Post # 8
Sounds to me like she was a bad planner. It seems like at least three quarters of the girls on the Bridezillas shows are bad planners as well, so I’m thinking there is a correlation.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry to hear all of this, how terribly disappointing! You want to be there and celebrate with your friend and end up free labor and finally her whipping boy. I’ve walked out of better places for less in my lifetime, and I certainly would not stand idly by while a friend of mine lost her temper and hollered at me….just because someone is getting married is no excuse for that behavior, I don’t care if the Queen of Monaco is in attendance, get a grip!
The problem is it’s too late now, just leave her alone, see if she figures out what a screech owl she was and apologizes, if not, you didn’t loose much of a friend to start with.
Post # 10
Eh, I would just let it go. She was obvioulsy really stressed (from poor planning). Everyone knows that weddings are really stressful.
If your friendship is “over” from this one event, it sounds like you weren’t that close to begin with.
I was really stressed the day before my wedding (took most it out on Fiance, but some of it spilled over to my BM’s). Luckily for me, they are really good friends who understood that weddings are stressfull as hell.
Granted, I apologized that same day, but all of them told me an apology was not needed.
Post # 11
Yuck. 🙁 That’s difficult, for sure. I can’t offer much in the way of advice – my plan is to have everything done 2 weeks before, so if something last minute does come up, I can handle it myself and not waste a second of my time with my girls doing projects.
I hope you and your other friends are able to move on at some point and get a resolution!
Post # 12
Aww this is so very stressful. I hope everything works out okay.
Post # 13
My cousin’s wedding was very similar. Her so called wedding planner (a friend) was never to be found and neither her nor my cousin had taken care of many of the details. We all as members of the wedding party had to set up the entire ceremony and reception site the morning of and try to fit in time to get ready despite a very crunched schedule. I got yelled at a few times for being where I had been told to be when the bride had since changed her mind without communicating.
By the time my Darling Husband and I started the drive home I was exhausted and very frustrated. I felt like the entire weekend we had spent desperately trying to figure out where we needed to be, when, and what we needed to do. Heck we had to put together the seating chart 15 minutes before the ceremony because the bride had forgotten to do it. As an overly organized and plan ahead type of person it wasn’t pleasant at all.
Post # 14
My sister was. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor, and new from the start that I’m the organizer/spreadsheeter, and she’s flakier. I did as much as possible early on, though some things just couldn’t be wrangled out of her. A good example, she lost the name cards she picked out, never had them printed, so we spent 3 hours the day before getting generic ones printed up at Office Depot. She never showed up at her welcome luncheon….she was getting her nails done.
Sigh. Not much you can do but grit your teeth and help get things done.
I have a feeling she’s hurt that I haven’t asked her to be part of the wedding party (we’re only having one each) but it would really only add tension. I figure I’ll find a special job for her.
Also, it’s 11 months later and she has yet to have a single photo printed out from her photographer. She’s odd that way.
Post # 15
And, as for the aftermath, I think you just have to accept that some people are not as detail-specific on things, and don’t realize the stressors on their friends. Try to accept it as the once-in-a-lifetime-day that many people don’t realize the sheer amount of details and planning require to make it all really work and flow. Shrug.
Post # 16
Hi. You could very well be one of my bridesmaids. 🙂 I hope not, but it’s a possibility. I certainly did not have enough quality time with my girls (and my family) because, yes, things didn’t exactly go as planned the days leading up to our big day.
I’m more of a “low-maintenance” kind of girl and I thought I had everything planned out pretty well. Despite this, it took much longer than expected to set up the reception room and the ceremony site, then we were running late for hair and make-up, then we ran out of time to finalize the reception room and put together the flowers… we were putting together our bouquets an hour before our wedding – in our casual clothes.
Needless to say, this “low-maintenance” gal, was pretty stressed out. My girls all just rolled with it as best they could. Everything came together at the end, but not without some ruffled feathers. I miss my girls and I so wish I could have spent more time with them. If I had to do it all over again, I would have hired help instead of planning to do everything myself.
Please don’t hold it against the bride. I doubt she wanted her day to be that rushed for her loved ones and probably wishes she could have spent more time with you as well.