(Closed) Bridezilla kicked me out of her wedding; did I do something wrong? Help!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Was I a bad friend for putting my foot down on this issue?

    No way! If you don't respect yourself, who else will?

    Of course you were! It's the bride's day, so it's her way. Duh!

  • Post # 3
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    To be honest I am surprised you didn’t expect that reaction. From the very beginning of your story you say that is how Becky was (just like her freaking out over you guys getting engaged, dumps her BF, then they get back together). It seems like she wasn’t acting like a ‘bridezilla’ in fact it seems in character by the way you described her. It does all seem like lots of drama over something that should have been easily dealt with. You said this photographer offered her services for free correct? Well if she went with other options wouldn’t she have to end up paying? Her keeping the photographer seemed reasonable to me however uninviting you to the wedding seemed harsh especially considering the cost it was going to be for you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the first place. Dealing with people you dislike at a wedding is actually pretty common and for the bride you should have look passed that. The only unreasonable thing I saw as far as being a Bridesmaid or Best Man was asking you to pay for all that stuff. 

    The biggest thing for me in this story is she seemed like a very dramatic girl from the beginning. Not someone I would want to be friends with personally but then again that is me. Do you miss being friends with her? Is that why all of this still bugs you even though it was a long time ago? Maybe she has grown up since then. Personally, I wouldn’t want to deal with that kind of drama in my friendships. 

    Post # 4
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Let me make sure I understand this right. You had a blow up fight with a friend who happens to be a photographer. Becky then employed this ex friend to photograph her wedding. You felt that you could no longer be in Becky’s wedding because of this so you offered to drop out. Becky then kicked you out of her wedding. 

    Honestly, I can kind of understand why you would be upset but I also understand Becky’s reaction. She’s asked you to put aside your personal feelings for one day so she could score free photography and you were unable to do that. It’s gotta hurt that someone you consider a friend wasn’t willing to do that especially since at the end of it, it really is just one day (a few hours actually)… Part of being an adult is being mature enough to cope with situations and people that you may be uncomfortable with. 

    Unless Becky specifically hired this girl to spite you I think everyone over reacted. 


    Post # 6
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    There is so much drama and immaturity spewing out of BOTH of these women, it’s almost embarassing for the men. The behavior on both of your parts isn’t becoming of 30 something year old wives.

    Post # 7
    5317 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think you can try to tell a bride who can be the photog for her wedding, or else you won’t be a bridesmaid. Well maybe if the photog molested you, that’s about it.

    Post # 8
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @dmk90716:  +1

    I agree that both of you showed imaturity.  It was her wedding, and scoring FREE photography is a huge deal.  I would have just sucked it up.

    Post # 10
    9985 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @ms_protea:  Exactly.

    Honestly, I think both of you way over-reacted.  Causing your husband to end a decades long friendship over a fight is very dramatic.  The whole blow-up over a photographer is very dramatic.  The whole situation seemed kind of unnecessary to me.  It sounds like Becky is immature, but it also sounds like you played into some of that immaturity and didn’t help the situation.  Sorry.

    Post # 11
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Personally, I would have dropped out of the wedding the second Becky told me I would be expected to spend $500+ just to get dressed for her wedding. I wouldn’t spend that on a dress if it were my best friend’s wedding. Call me a bad friend all you want, I think asking a friend to spend that kind of cash is being a bad friend.

    OP, there is something quite off about your letter, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. You have supplied us with a lot of irrelevant details like the fact that Photographer drinks a lot, or that Becky copied your personal style 5 years ago. There’s an underlying theme of judgment and smugness about comparing your situation to Becky’s that I really found off putting.

    At any rate, I can’t imagine you miss Becky too much, so understand that sometimes you have falling outs and they don’t get fixed. Life goes on.

    Post # 12
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    It doesn’t seem like Becky was that great of a griend to begin with.  Life is too short for that kind of drama.  

    Post # 13
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Sloane42:  I think much was brewing before Becky’s wedding photographer was even in the picture. The photographer was just the catalyst in a situation that was ripe for an explosion and even though it didn’t really make sense, it was enough to cause the two of you, and your men, to split.

    Becky was odd, jealous and manipulative to begin with, what with her hair and dressing like you, and her reaction to your engagement announcement. So, if you agree to be in the bridal party of that kind of person, you’re therefore agreeing to put up with things you typically don’t want to put up with, namely, a super expensive bridesmaid dress and this nasty photographer and who knows what else.

    I do feel that after agreeing to be in her bridal party, it was reasonable for you to express your concern about the cost of the dress and accessories, but I do not agree that it was reasonable for you to have demanded she chose another photographer. I don’t see how you would have been pushed around by a photographer all year long. I truly do think it would have been just that one day.

    The other weird piece of this is that I think she choose that photographer on purpose, if only to further cause a blowout with you. If the dress wouldn’t do it, she’d zero in on the one person who openly had a fight with you on Facebook to be her photographer. I wouldn’t put it past her to cause more drama like that. If you had agreed to the photographer, she would have found something else to put in your face to deal with, so *shrug* I think the friendship was doomed, and your involvement in her wedding was doomed anyhow.

    2 years have past. Breathe. Let it go. Congrats on your marriage.

    Post # 14
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have to agree with previous posters. Maybe it is because you are still upset with her after this, but badmouthing a “friend” is never the way to accomplish anything and your whole post seemed to be bashing her from the beginning.


    ETA: However, if I knew a girl who was talking trash my “best friend” on facebook, I would never even consider talking to her. Much less, taking her up on an offer of free photography. All this seems so dramatic.

    Post # 15
    5708 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I agree with PP. This is a very drama filled post with many drama filled people. All of you are to blame for what happened. If someone was trash talking my friend I wouldn’t have hired her as my photog. That’s the first thing. Second, even if I did I would hope my friend would just keep her mouth shut and deal with it for one day, so in that respect your friend wasn’t in the wrong. You guys created a lot of drama for your fiances, which is really too bad becuase you guys broke up their friendship.

    To answer the big questions you need to get over it and move on. What’s done is done. This friendship will most likely not be repaired. Becky wouldn’t have been someone I would have friended in the first place, and she def isn’t someone I would want back in my life, especially if you feel that you didn’t create as much drama as we all think. Let her go.

    Post # 16
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree that this all seems immature & dramatic. I don’t think it’s fair of a Bridesmaid or Best Man to try to dictate vendors for a friend barring extreme circumstances. I also think you come across as fairly judgmental in this post, which honestly makes it seem like there might be more to this story. I also don’t really think it’s appropriate to tell people what’s appropriate conversation (in regards to your tiff with the photographer). Yeah, it’s kind of crass to talk about money, but the polite thing for you to have done is just try to avoid the topic. In extreme circumstances, maybe just point out that it makes you uncomfortable, but I can’t really picture a “polite” way to call the person out via text message. Not that I think her reaction was warranted. Everyone seems hot headed and emotional in this situation, and I think it’s a bummer that your DH lost a friend because of something so petty.

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