Post # 17
I think it’s a bit OTT (Sorry) it’s not as if you only invited him and he invited others making your numbers all messed up, he kept the numbers right for you and I don’t see the problem with not knowing everyone at your wedding, I doubt I’ll know all the people at mine
Post # 18
I mean, it may be a little rude of a response, but I think it’s rude of people to invite anybody not specified by name on the invitation, so I don’t give a crap and would have responded the same way 😛
Post # 19
Yeah, I agree your response was over the top and a bit on the rude side. It’s not compelely beyond the realm of possibility that someone would assume that when two people are invited to a wedding and one can’t make it, it’s ok to invite someone else. I also don’t think it’s big deal to have people you don’t know at your wedding. All of my cousins were invited with +1s and most of their dates I had never met before but it wasn’t an issue. I was so happy being surrounded by so many people I love and care about that I barely even noticed the guests I had only just met.
Honestly, you planned for two people to come to the wedding and if he wants to bring someone else, so be it. It’s definitely not worth having a fit over and potentially causing strife in a friendship over this. Even if he is going to know other people at the wedding, no one likes to attend a wedding alone so if you want him there, having a good time, just let it go.
Post # 20
Even If i didnt want any ” +1″‘s that I dont know to the wedding I would have definetly not said it that way, I dont even know if I would have said anything and kept it as that. It is what it is. No matter how close you guys are, Im sure you could have found a nicer way to say it. You asking here shows that you also felt that might have been a little rude. I would call up to see if he didnt take it to personally and then explain to why you said that. All in All, Im having a tiny wedding and most of the guests are people I dont know– and even those who I know of, are bringing thier Gf’s that I have never met or spoke to before.
Post # 21
I agree with PPs. Your response was rude and you should call him to explain your reasoning better. I’m sure he’ll understand that you are planning an intimate wedding and only want people you know there.
Post # 22
I think your request of only have guests you know is fine. I had a friend add a guest last minute to the list because she didn’t want to come alone and then that guest didn’t even come to the reception so I spent $75 on a person I don’t know how truely didn’t care enough about me (understandably) to come to the reception.
But you definitely could have said it a different way. I think you could have just written him back and say sorry but we can only accomodate the individuals that were specifically invited. (Could end here or continue with…) Friend 1, Friend 2, and Friend 3 will be attending the wedding but since Ms. Girlfriend can not attend I understand if you are no longer able to attend just let me know.
Post # 23
I voted over the top, BUTTTTTT it also depends on your relationship with your friend. I have a few friends that I could speak to in this way and they would just laugh and not take it personal AT ALL. So even though I do think you could’ve said it nicer, it depends on how you and your friend interact. If you guys are they type that joke around, then I dont think it’s that bad.
How do you think your text made him feel?
Post # 24
I honestly would have reacted the same way. BUT people know that that is how I would react and wouldnt do it. Fiance brother (who is in our wedding) called to ask if his date choice was OK. LOL . Just because he wasnt sure if I would mine not having met the person he is bringing before.
Post # 25
I’m predicting that I will find myself in the same boat! My wedding is very small and it will double in size pretty quickly if everyone brings a random stranger along for the ride. How do I politely make it known (via the invitation or something else?) that there are no +1’s and only named guests are invited???
Post # 26
More to the point, however:
Your response was exactly how all of us would have felt, but then you stop, take a deep breath, and think before immediately reacting. If you have to ask if it was rude, then you already know it was. This is the problem with the world of internet and texting! I’m sure it would have been an absolutley pleasant conversation if you called and spoke to him on the phone, and I’m sure you could fix it easily if you called him now.
Post # 27
Hmm I can kind of understand where you’re coming from to a degree. If numbers are short and this guest you don’t know is stopping someone who might be on your reserve list from coming then I can understand that it annoying.
But it also depends on circumstances, like if he was travelling a long way or didn’t really know anybody there very well. I know you’ve said he’s not travelling a long way and knows 4 others, but does he know them well?
I have the same situation with a friend of mine. Whilst I would like him to bring his girlfriend, they’re so up and down that she might end up not coming. I would prefer that he showed up with an alternative guest of his choice (and yes, that probably means he will bring someone super-annoying) than he didn’t show up at all.
I think you need to think about it or he may end up just not coming at all.
Post # 28
I don’t think i’d come if you sent me a text like that! As a guy he may be less ‘in the know’ about wedding etiquette. We actually had the same thing happen to us recently (we’re also having a v. small wedding). I discussed it with Fiance and we decided that as it wasn’t costing us any more, to just let him bring a different +1. I get your point, I just think your response was a bit in your face.
Post # 29
I don’t see an issue with the stance, just the way it was delivered. That’s why I voted the way I did.
Post # 30
Public Service Announcement: adding “lol” to the end of a rude text does not make it any less rude.
See if you can get him on the phone to apologize and reiterate your sentiment in a more tactful and appropriate way.
Post # 31
Sorry rude and condescending! If I got this text I wouldn’t go at all, there are much nicer ways of saying something like that.