Post # 1
I just wanted to post my bridezilla rant…about myself.
I am 2 weeks out from my wedding day (yay!) Which is stressful in itself Because all the little details are never ending, but on top of that I am moving to a new state and starting a new branch of my company where I am moving. So I am up to my eyeballs with work and stress these days. I’ve tried to avoid turning into a bridezilla, but my patience is at about 0 these days. This is my excuse for how I believe I’m turning into a bridezilla over a wedding arch.
A few months ago my mom and I were at a wedding of my friend, and then helped clean up afterwards. They had this pretty curtain of gauzy fabric behind the refreshment table that hid some unsightly doors to a storage closet. They had made a frame out of PVC pipe and as I helped take it down I told my mom I liked it and thought it could work for this one area at my reception venue. she ordered some good sheer white panels for a great deal that could work for it, but unfortunately, in the craziness that is wedding planning, that project had been forgotten. Last weekend we were at the venue to finalize room set up, and she brought up the curtain thing and I was like “oh yeah if we have time, I’d still like that” She said we could hang the panels she had bought on a arch. I don’t know why, but I REALLY don’t like those white metal wedding arches. I think they look tacky or cheap or something and I didn’t want any decorating my wedding. I told her I didn’t want an arch like that. She asked how I’d like it hung and I said that my friend had it on a PVC pipe frame, but my mom doesn’t feel comfortable attempting to make that and I don’t have time, so I told her not to worry about it, it wasn’t a big deal to have that feature at this point. She brought up the arch again in the car ride back and I got short with her saying “I just don’t like those arches and rather not have it at all.” I could tell I made her feel bad for so abruptly shooting down her idea which she liked. Well today I came to my parents after work and my mom is putting together one of those white metal wedding arches in the living room. I can feel my patience is 0% and say “I thought I said I didn’t want one of those arches.” And my mom says “oh it was only $16 on Amazon and we can return it if you hate it.” To which I just say fine because I fear if I say anything else I’ll be rude. My mom puts it together and drapes the panels on it and is like “doesn’t it look so wonderful? Wouldn’t it look great behind the cake table? We can do lights or more panels too.” And I feel this bridezilla monster in me wanting to yell at her “I hate the stupid arch!!!” But try to keep my cool and just say”it’s fine” but she’s obviously disappointed I’m not more enthusiastic. Now this thing is standing in my parents living room and Everytime I see it I get unreasonably annoyed.
This story is pretty freaking stupid, I admit. I think I’m just going to let my mom put it in the reception because in reality it isn’t the worst thing ever and I am feeling way to emotional over such a stupid thing. Mostly because i feel like if I try to tell her I don’t want it and she tells me one more time how great it is I will actually scream instead of just being short and some what rude.
Post # 2
angelynr91 : I would say, Mum, thank you for the time and effort you have put into this but it is really not my cup of tea and I don’t want to use it at my wedding. Thanks for taking the time to explore the options with me though, I will happily pay the cost of it or help return it for you. Hopefully she will realise you actually don’t like it.
Post # 3
Well yes, it’s definitely silly to be upset over an arch that you probably won’t notice, remember or care about in the next 3 years once the wedding is over, I kind of get it. I love my mom, don’t get me wrong, and when it came to my wedding she was incredibly helpful and I’m grateful for that. But now that I’m having a baby (I’m her only child and it’s my first baby, so just imagine how excited she is), I’m going through something similar involving a stuffed bunny and lets just say….sometimes it’s not about the item itself, it’s about feeling listened to and feeling like your ideas and opinons as the person this event is about aren’t being listened to.
Post # 4
Whilst you recognise it seems silly to be upset/annoyed over this arch situation…I kind of think you have a right to be to an extent, you made it clear you didn’t like them nor want them at your wedding, and that it really wasn’t a big deal, you would rather have nothing if you couldn’t do the PVC pipe idea.
So I can see why you would be frustrated with your mum buying an arch despite what you have said.
But saying that I would think it was done with the best of intentions in the hope that you would actually like it 🙂 (Again i can’t say as I don’t know your mum)
Anyway, that aside, I hope you have the most wonderful time and that your move isn’t too stressful!
Post # 5
((((hugs)))) You’re understandably stressed right now so I’d focus on trying to get your stress levels down, whether it’s yoga, a girls night out (with wine!) curling up with a good book, going for a hike, even a venting session over coffee with a bestie or your FI.
I’d go with the arches- if you feel irrationally BEC toward these arches, see if you can find the humour in it (venting to gf and everytime I see these BEC bloody arches, I just get irrationally pissed off, look at them, standing there being arches- taunting me with their archiness), IMO laughter can sometimes save us from sweating the small stuff.
But only vent to someone you can trust to keep it btw you so it doesn’t get back to your mom and hurt her feelings, because she means well even if she doesn’t get an A+ for listening. And I’d go ahead and use the arches, it won’t make or break your wedding decor but you’ll be pleasing your mom and in time you’ll probably remember them fondly, her ordering these god-awful things on Amazon to try and make the gauze nice for you, because what you’ll remember most won’t be what they looked like, but that she was trying so hard to make everything special for you.
Post # 6
ClaudiaKishi : yes! This sums up my feelings exactly! When I saw it in their living room it was like “wow ok guess my thoughts and feelings which I’ve expressed don’t actually matter to you.”
Also congrats on your first baby!!
Post # 7
I realize This is a long shot but where do you live? I made a pvc stand thing for backdrops for a party we threw. It’s about 7/ 8 feet tall and collapses pretty easy.
Im in south Florida– if you want it and could pick it up it’s yours!
Also was was super easy to make if you do end up with some spare time Home Depot cut the pipe for me, and then I just bought the little elbows that connect them!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
It seems like a silly thing to be upset over but I think many of us have had moments like this. The venue included a white ceremony arch and not only did I not care for it I noticed from pics of other weddings there that the arch obstructed the beautiful background view of the golf course and mountains. So when the DOC said it was optional I had her put “no arch needed” on our contract. Day of the wedding and what do I see as my wedding party is getting in position to walk? That white monstrosity! But the DOC was really sweet and had staff take it away within like three minutes. Probably a little mix up. I like the first posters way of handling this. 🙂 I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Post # 9
While you are right; I would be tempted to use it in some way. I think it is nice your mom is helping. My mom is too old and feeble to help. I get it certain things we just don’t like for whatever reason. Like the bunny I guess that one poster mentioned. Sometimes a compromise can work. Is this the hill to die on. Perhaps using it for the photo booth area, guest registry, gifts, memory table? I remember how it felt as a kid when someone important used whatever I made or did. But it is your wedding so i understand if you nix it all together.
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I think your mom is pushing her tastes on you when you’ve clearly said (multiple times) you do not like the arches. She’s aware you can’t react strongly out of fear of being rude and she doesn’t care. Send it back. For the record I think those arches are hideous too.
Post # 11
Aw I want to give you and your mum a big hug. She’s probably just trying to help you.
I don’t see it as trying to push her tastes on to you I think she is just trying to convince you the arch isn’t so bad.
I personally hate them as well haha so I do know where you are coming from.