Post # 1
So my second post for the day.
My friend is getting married pretty soon. I would haven been part of her bridalparty as a bridesmaid. But due to the following reasons I decided to drop out.
1. I live about 3 hours away from her. I would aways try and make an effort to go an see her once a month. Last month I could not attend my fitting for my dress my child was sick and I couldnt take her outside due to lung infection.
The Bride freaked out. And we had a huge fight. Following the fight were the following.
She said I never do any effort nor do I contribute time for her. As above I went to see her once a month.
2. Her bridal party consists only of brunettes and I am the only blond. So I was told to colour my hair because she wants it that way. If I am correct she chose me for me not my hair colour. And why should I go and pay for something I dont even want. ?
3. The maid of honor and I havent really seen much eye to eye. Since high school years. But we as in I set aside our differences and tryed to get along. But as the hens party ect are being organised nobody thought of letting me even know where it was to be help. I received no emails messages or phone calls. But apparently She has been emailing me and calling but I never reply. So then The bride freaked out thinking I didnt even care.
I went dress shoping with the bride and she didn’t find the dress the following day the bride maid of honour and I went to a different store. And she found her dress. Maid of honour being so outspoken turned around looking straight at me and said she you didn’t get a dress cause I wasnt with you.
cold right. ?
So after all that and the big fight I had just about enough. And I told her that I would no longer be in her wedding party.
She is my best friend and not speaking to her makes me feel like shit.Should I just forget about it and be a bridesmaid again?
Post # 2
The hair issue alone is enough to drop out. It sounds like a typical “bridezilla” case. The bride cares more about her”big day” than she does her friendships. I wouldn’t dwell too much on this, who knows how much worse it would get as the wedding approaches. I hope you realize though that this friendship is most likely over, not that it sounds like it was super great to begin with. I don’t think you are missing out on anything.
Post # 3
FutureMrsLandi: you did the right thing. She sounds like a real peach
Dye your hair? Um…no thanks.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I would have dropped out as soon as I was told to dye my hair to fit her “image”. Heeeck no!
Post # 5
FutureMrsLandi: Yikes this is no fun. I think that first, the bride’s expectations are insane- Dye your hair to match? Haha she’s crazy. She might not be a mother yet, but she needs to understand that while the wedding seems like her whole life right now, it’s not YOUR whole life. You also said that you go visit her once a month- does she ever visit you?
Also, I think the Maid/Matron of Honor is just a crazy bitch- pardon my language. Is Maid/Matron of Honor married or single- I feel like she’s on some crazy power trip about being the MOH- so cold and playing dirty… I’d love for her to produce the emails she apparently sent…
I think if you’re upset by this, you should certainly talk to bride. Just tell her you hate how this happened, and you want to be there for her, and you are TRYING to be there for her. Don’t make it about the Maid/Matron of Honor or her or anyone else doing things wrong, just blame it on some obvious miscommunication, and stress that all along your intentions have been good. I hate seeing friendships fall apart over weddings.. it’s SO stupid but it happens all the time. Tell her that you want to be yourself and help her out in every way possible for the big day. If she’s receptive to that, then go ahead and hop back in as bridesmaid. But if she freaks, forces you to dye your hair, yells at you for being a mother… then as politely as possible, say you would hate for her to be unhappy with things, but you are who you are, and maybe it’s best if you come as just a guest (or not at all? not sure if you’re at that point)… Be the bigger person. If she’s smart she will come to her senses, and if not, then her loss.
But so sorry you are dealing with this!
Post # 6
NowMrsS: Daizy914: My FH. Wasn’t really impressed with the hair comment either.
Post # 7
shorebride105: She is a mother herself. Thats also why I could never understand why she was acting like that.
We have talked about it and she apologised. Asking me to come back. But im torn. She never acted this way.
Post # 8
Dying your hair to match?!? LOL You did the right thing. Wedding planning sometimes brings out the worst in people 😐
Post # 9
The request to colour my hair to match her other bridesmaids would have been cause enough for me to drop out! Quite ridiculous. Clearly she’s planning a circus rather than a wedding.
Post # 10
Post # 11
FutureMrsLandi: As others have said, weddings can bring out the worst in people. Sometimes its stress and sometimes because the bride gets into her own world and “its all about me and my day” instead of caring about friendships. I wouldn’t dye my hair to fit her image. I would talk it out, if she did apologize than I would accept her apology, tell her how she made you feel about her flips out of never making time for her and all the things you’ve listed and just say “I would love to be apart of your day but I think it is best that I come as a guest and not as a member of your wedding party. I would love to be able to be there to support you during this important time of your life”. This way you don’t have to worry about having her freak out on you but maintain the friendship. Hopefully all works out for you! Good Luck!!
Post # 12
Maybe she can suggest the other BMs to dye their hair to match yours?
Post # 13
Agree with PP, if she apologized about the hair and you guys talked about it I would forgive her, but I don’t think I would want to be in the wedding party anymore. It seems like the best way to maintain a friendship.
Post # 14
FutureMrsLandi: Glad you talked!! It’s scary though.. what if she only gets worse as the wedding gets closer? Do what feels right in your gut. I hope she agreed to let you keep your hair as is???
Post # 15
The hair situation alone was enough to drop out. That is insane. Just tell her that you love and support her, but that you feel as though you can’t properly fulfill the duties of a bridesmaid right now due to everything you have going on in your life. Tell her that you are still here for her and that she can call you any time she needs to vent, and that you will be at the wedding, that you wouldn’t miss it for the world. If she’s still angry, just kill her with kindness. Never let it get ugly. Then, you can’t feel bad. 🙂