"Bring a side dish to share" to a wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I wouldn’t expect to have to bring a dish as a bridesmaid. Too much going on already for you.

I’ve never been to a potluck wedding but I do LOVE potlucks. I’d simply subtract the cost of my dish from the amount of money I would have given.

Post # 17
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Kind of strange but if they were financially struggling or something then I guess I’d be ok with it. I would probably get a dish store bought as well. Seeing as you’re in the wedding I assume you have bridesmaid expenses, so I probably would just get a card and a small gift.

Post # 18
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

A friend went to a potluck wedding last year. Its not really a big deal unless of course, you are of the mind that weddings have to be ONE way. Their wedding was more like a bbq, in the backyard and nothing fancy. They supplied the pig and drinks and people supplied side dishes if they wanted.

Some people can’t afford lavish affairs and still want to have a party for people to come out and celebrate. Lets not forget a dish to pass means just that. You aren’t supplying all the guests with food. Its no different when doing work potlucks.  Although, I’d probably buy something. I’m not a good cook. 

I see nothing wrong with asking. However, since you are in the bridal party that does make things a bit different. I’d ask her what she intends to do.

Different circles do things differently. 

Post # 19
Member
9818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not a fan of this but I like to cook so I’d bring a dish.  But I’d probably skip the gift

Post # 20
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

I’ve been to a potluck wedding before, it was much lower key than many of the more formal weddings I’ve attended but lots of fun and well-suited to the couple. I still brought a gift, as I would generally give a wedding gift with a much greater monetary value than a dish for a potluck. We weren’t expected to provide enough food for the entire guest list, just a regular sized dish, so not a ton of time/effort/money went into bringing it along.

Post # 21
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

In my family/town potluck weddings are very common. Usually the hosts provide the appetizers, drinks, meat and cake and guests all bring a dish to share. I actually love these types of weddings because the food is always really good and you get to pick a little of everything that you like! Keep an open mind, if you don’t want to bring a dish…then don’t. But, it could be as simple as a $5 store bought fruit platter.  Anyone saying they would skip the gift if they brought a dish is rude. I’ve never spent more that $15 on a potluck dish. You shouldn’t be gifting less than that!!

Post # 22
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think people can be too stuffy with weddings.  Weddings used to be very potluck low key affairs. I would love to do this, but it would break my moms heart and I’m the only daughter sooo….

We’re getting married near our family accross the country, so we’re having an after party for our local friends out our house for a potluck party on labor day.  I’m going to make a pulled pork and creamed corn and a potato casserole that I can get up the night before and then let others bring the rest.  I’m going to get my wedding dress hemmed and get my hair did.  My FI’s band will play outside and we’re going to invite the neighbor hood.  We’re looking into a bouncy castle for the kids.  Doesn’t that sound more fun than the typical stuffy wedding?

Weddings are parties.  We should remember that instead of listeing to silly rules that where put in place to get us to spend more money.

Post # 23
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

farmbride92 :  Thank you! I can’t believe people said they were going to skip out on the gift. Seriously people? You are bringing a dish that might…MIGHT be $20. Did you intend on buying a $20 gift? Probably not. If people are that hard up then I suppose they can subtract the cost of the food from their gift. I’m not saying buy a $500 gift from Tiffanys but common…

Post # 24
Member
2471 posts
Buzzing bee

Awful. Wonder if it will be ”pay-for-a-no-name-beer” too?

Post # 25
Member
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

ann.reid.9277 :  No, your snobby attitude is awful. Imagine having to drink a no name beer, the horror!

Post # 26
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Can we have some more background on the style of wedding it is before all jumping to conclusions and making judgemental comments? 

OP – is it an infirmal Park picnic wedding/backyard bbq, or a more formal wedding in a banquet hall? If the latter, is the potluck maybe for the lunch after a morning ceremony, or some other wedding weekend event held at home or hosted by family, or is it for the main reception dinner? Ask and clarify these things with the bride 🙂

Post # 27
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

This is very common where I’m from. I would also give them a small gift.

Post # 28
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It’s a potluck wedding. While not traditional its not something to get bent out about. If you don’t want to praticipate don’t go. If you want you dish to be a gift then so be it. Celebrate with the couple or dont. 

Do you people really only give gifts to  bride and groom only in return for free food and dancing? I always give to wish the couple well. 

Post # 29
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Logistically, I don’t think it makes sense for anyone in the wedding party to bring a dish. You can ask the bride but I would be surprised if she really thought that would work out.

Post # 30
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“When did a wedding become a formal gift giving party instead of a celebration of a couple getting married?”

I’m with you. It never did. While I am not used to potluck weddings, and would not have one, I don’t think there’s any point in attributing horrible intent to the bride and groom. They are probably just doing their best. She is not asking for anything expensive or out of reach. Just bring a modest dish and a gift that you can afford. Then go celebrate your friend and have a good time.

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