Bringing it up without being blunt

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

“hey our anniversary is coming up, i was wondering if we could circle back to a future engagement and marriage”

there no way to not be blunt about it

Post # 3
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

They say self confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear right? What’s wrong with being blunt? Don’t treat the man likes he’s going to wilt or run after a direct question. You wouldn’t want a man who does that anyway.

Maybe what you fear more is a blunt -not happening- answer from him. Get over that fear, practice with friends if you have to.  There is nothing wrong, and everything good, with directness in a relationship.

Post # 4
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m not sure how long you guys have been together but please take my advice. Rip off the band aid!

Like Supernurse said confidence is sexy, know what you have to offer. When you want something accept nothing less. I was in a relationship once where I didn’t want to bring marriage up becuase I thought somehow it would ruin things. Turns out….it probably would have and I wish that relationship had ended long before it did. I should’ve spoke up. 

Don;t worry about being blunt! If this man really loves and respects you he will listen to what you have to say without judgement. Maybe it comes out he has a different timeline in mind. If he is a mature adult then he will be able to discuss it with you.

Never feel pushy about wanting to discuss your future. You got this bee

Post # 5
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

WAY better to be kindly blunt about it now than to wait another 3 months…6 months…year…etc and then get so frustrated that you blow up on him.  There is no point in tip-toeing around.  Tell him what you expect for the future – it’s not his to control fully.

ETA: Even though it feels like it, you’re probably not being nearly as blunt as you think you are.

Post # 6
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

Just be blunt.

If this is the person you are actually going to marry – you should both be able to have these conversations. 

If / when married there are going to be a lot harder ones I’m sure.  Treat this one as good practice.

Post # 7
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Be blunt. He’s not a wilting flower, he can handle it. And if he can’t? Well do you really still want to marry him?

Post # 8
Member
2468 posts
Buzzing bee

What’s wrong with being blunt?

Post # 9
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee

How about reframing blunt as involved or proactive?  Blunt often has negative connotations (even though there can be nothing wrong with it) so the fact that you chose that word tells me a lot.

What is wrong with being proactively involved in the planning of your life?  You’re an adult.  It isn’t blunt, it is being an autonomous adult who gets to be the captain of their own ship.  Your other option is sit passively by and let someone else dictate your life with zero involvement or awareness from you.  Where else in life would you do that?  Did you let someone else pick your college?  Major?  Where you live?  Job? Did you just sit idly by hoping someone would drop a job or a promotion in your lap?  

You can be passive and then potentially be disappointed and let that breed resentment. Or you can take an active role in your life and actually be partners who discuss your future. You need to decide who you want to be.

 

Post # 10
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

What Annabananabee said

Post # 11
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

impatientinparis :  

You should change the whole way you are thinking about this. When it comes time to make decisions about your life you don’t apologize for it. With engagement it is the same thing. This is your life. You are partners in this decision. You have every right to straight up ask the plan and ask for a timeline. 

Post # 12
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2020 - City, State

I agree with Annabananabee as well.

This your life and you have a right to know what path you’re going down. I went through a similar situation with my SO a couple months ago. He kept mentioning marriage and engagement casually without certainty of when it would happen.

I suggest you wait for a day or night youre spending quality time together over the next week to bring it up. You can tell him that you’re starting to think about your future together and are curious what his ideal timeline would be for engagement and marriage. This is an easy way to bring up the conversation and discuss it together. You’ll feel so much better after and you’ll both know what your expectations are.

The worst thing you can do is bring your hopes up because of subtle hints he gives you and end being dissapointed (like for you mentioned for your anniversary). So be brave and go for it! If he’s open to the idea of marriage, he should be willing to have an open conversation with you about it.

Post # 13
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

ETA I responded to the wrong thread.

Do not be subtle. People don’t know how to interpret that.

Post # 14
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I agree with others.

BE BLUNT. Its the only way to get your point across, men are oblivious.

Post # 15
Member
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

impatientinparis :  

Everything they all said   (except ” practice with friends if you have to” Good God no,  how utterly  cringemaking  ) 

When did it get to be ‘pushy’ to engage in conversation about your joint future!!!!!

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