(Closed) Bringing married friends as guests to wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let me get this straight – your brother and SIL want to bring guests to your wedding.  As in your brother and his wife RSVP for four people? 

If I’m understanding correctly, no, it’s not the norm, and frankly, it’s rude. 

Post # 4
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had a lot of odd requests when I was planning but this was not one of them. I’d tell them no.

Post # 5
Member
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

No way.  Not normal.  (A married couple who are friends of ours wanted to bring some friend of theirs, who we’ve met ONCE, to be their Dirty Delete.  Uh, what?!?  Not happening.)

Post # 6
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I’ve never heard of this (irl, at least, I think it’s come up in WB before) and I also think it’s really rude.  I hope you said no both times!

Post # 7
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

No sorry that is ridiculous.  This is not the norm.  Why would your brother and SIL need their own guests at your wedding. They have each other and your families and family friends to have fun with.  

I would just tell them sorry but no.

Post # 8
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No that’s not normal. The only request I had similar was for a couple who needed to be driven to our wedding (both cannot drive for health reasons) in which case I let them bring another couple to help them out the day of.

Sounds like your bro & sil just want to party at your expense! Hell. No.

Post # 10
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

umm no it’s not just a bbq or a party where it would be norm to ask to bring friends. It’s your wedding, which means random people don’t get invited. Don’t listen to them telling you this is normal. Tell them your wedding is for close friends and family and you will not be inviting random couple.

Post # 11
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh for the love of monkeys, it’s not RUDE. “Rude” is such an over-used word here on the ‘bee.  Sheesh.  “Rude” means “offensive in nature” and asking to bring some additional guests to a wedding is not offensive, at least in my book. It’s a question, nothing more.

OP the answer to “is this the norm” really depends on a ton of factors including your venue, the level of formality at your wedding, your social circle, and your guests’ previous experiences.  Your brother said others asked him the same thing whilst planning his wedding so my guess is, it’s at least somewhat normal in your social circle. But heck, I got some pretty weird questions during my own wedding planning, and just because the question isn’t normal doesn’t mean someone can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t ask it.  

If you don’t want these casual acquaintances at your wedding— and there’s no reason you should feel obligated to want them there— a simple, polite No is all it takes. 

Post # 12
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would say if these people are not individuals you and your fiance would invite to your wedding than there is no obligation to have them there. 

Post # 13
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It may not be rude, but it is definitely inconsiderate. Being married already themselves, they should know the stresses that go with budgeting a wedding and the difficulties associated with guest lists.

This is not a social occasion for their circle of friends.

I would say (and repeat as many times as necessary) ” It’s not possible for us to extend invitations to casual acquaintances.”

Post # 14
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

that is really bizarre.  maybe they are swingers?

Post # 15
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@fishbone:  In my book, it IS rude. You don’t ask to bring additional guests to someone’s wedding…period. It’s rude. We all know that weddings, regardless of size, cost money. It’s no different than your friend telling you they want to take you to dinner for your birthday (their treat) and you decide to bring along extra friends and make them foot the bill. 

OP, unfortunatlly behavior like that seems to be becoming more popular these days, as people’s boundaries are definitely not as they used to be. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to let them know that you’ve already finished your guest list, and budgeted accordlingly, and additions just can’t be made.

Post # 16
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

hell to the no.

The topic ‘Bringing married friends as guests to wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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