(Closed) Bringing non-romantic plus ones?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Canaan Valley Resort, WV

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liaeona:  I see, I’m sorry I always read these and am reminding of that wedding.  Just ask him if he’s ever been to a wedding where he hasn’t brought a date or didn’t know anyone.  I know that a lot times if my fiance couldn’t come due to his job, I’d ask the bride if I could bring a friend if I had a plus one because it’s not a lot of fun not knowing anyone at the wedding besides the bride and groom.

Post # 32
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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liaeona:  We gave everyone on both sides a plus one and do not care who they bring for the following reasons:

1. I don’t know if someone is in a realtionship or not unless they brought someone to say a family holiday get together or I for sure know they are together i.e. I can’t keep track of everyone and their significant others adn I don’t facebook stalk

2. My Fiance and I got burned by my cousin who sent an invite to my parents house for them and family, they knew we were engaged and I remember how I felt having to say no to going to the wedding because my best friend and Fiance was not invited.

3. If you give people a plus one that means you have room in the budget to accomodate those two people whomever they are, you don’t get to tell people who they can or can not bring when you gave them a wedding buddy as I like to call it.

I think people really need to get over the whole, oh they are bringing someone else besides their significant other, you gave them the plus one they can bring whomever they want, I still think even if you put the significant other’s name on the invite they can still bring someone elseyou gave them two thats the amount of people you budgeted for.

Post # 33
Member
14016 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Again, it’s the host’s prerogative. If the hosts agree that guests can choose anyone they like, fine. But if they want to limit it to dates, and contact a guest to see if they should include someone they are currently dating, there is nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misinformed. 

But the issue here isn’t etiquette, it’s a difference of opinion between you and  FI. Neither one of you is “right” or “wrong.” Personally, we drew the line at committed couples.

Post # 34
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think its fair to give everyone a plus one. I wouldn’t want to attend a wedding alone (single or not). Guests might not know anyone and I’d rather they have somebody they could enjoy the night with.

Post # 35
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I don’t see what the big deal is. We’ll probably give one of FI’s friends a +1 as he might be a groomsman. He won’t bring a date, he’ll bring his sister. Totally fine. I’ve never met her, but Fiance has and he says she’s really nice.

I’m hoping that my Bridesmaid or Best Man will bring one of her Sisters rather than her BF! He doesn’t like Fiance, and I cba with that haha

Post # 36
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Long hair, don’t care. I have zero interest in who someone feels comfortable bringing. As long is its not some sworn enemy or someone who doesn’t know how to behave correctly in public.

As a host aren’t you still paying for two plates, why does it matter if they are bumping uglies or not?

 

Post # 37
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee

I received a wedding invitation in the mail day before yesterday. It was addressed to me and guest. As my Fiance probably won’t be in town that weekend, but there’s always a chance he will be, so I’m RSVP’ing for 2, and if he can’t make it, I’m considering taking my mom with me if my friend who is also invited ends up not going, because she was the only one I was going to know other than the bride and groom and one groomsman (who is an ex of mine, so awkward!) In that case, a seat will still be reserved for him, and paid for, so someone should enjoy it, since it’s very iffy if he will or will not be able to make it. 

I have to agree with what most are saying on here. When someone is offered a +1, a guest, whatever you want to call it, it should be a guest of their choosing. My ex sister in law’s husband was brought up in a family that didn’t celebrate holidays, birthdays, or anything, including weddings, and he always felt awkward going, so even though she and him were invited together to things, he would never go. In a way, that wasn’t fair to her for the host to say “well, if your husband will come, that’s fine. If he won’t come, you have to come alone”. To be honest, it just gets into that gray area of what is and isn’t ok, and every situation will be different and what will work for someone won’t work for someone else. 

For example, say it goes that the +1 MUST be a date… why would that stop anyone (guy or girl) from bringing a friend of the opposite sex and passing them off as their date? It just seems like a lot of deceite would have to go on in order to attend something that should be a simple yes or no. 

Post # 38
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My personal opinions:

*Bridal party deserve the anyone-they-want +1. (End of story.)

*Guests in a serious relationship or with a spouse deserve to bring their spouse. If you feel so inclined address RSVPs with specific names so there is no confusion. (End of story.) 

*If it is within your budget to allow single guests to bring a +1 please allow it. Weddings are not always fun by yourself. If you don’t have it in our budget and they decline your invite please don’t have hurt feelings. Ive done that. I’ve been invited alone to weddings with dinner and dancing and if I don’t know anyone but the bride… It is not an enjoyable experience. The reception isn’t, anyway. (Open to your interpretation.)

*If you do invite your friend and their spouse and their spouse is antisocial/working/not a good time in social situations, it’s up to you as to whether or not you’ll allow substitutions. I did for a good friend of mine – her husband hates weddings and social functions so I said she could bring her daughter (she’s grown and I have met her). 

 

Post # 39
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My maid of honor is currently single and does not plan on being in a relationship at the time of my wedding. She has a plus one and plans on bringing a friend of hers that I have met on many occassions. I don’t mind at all! I like her plus one a lot, so I’m happy she’s able to come!

I feel like when I give people a plus one, they get to pick who they’d like to bring. It’s not my place to dictate who they bring (although we are having a 21+ wedding due to the open bar, so I guess I’m dictating that the guest must be over 21)

Post # 40
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee

Unless it was a really small wedding, say 20 people, i would want to always be able to bring a plus one regardless of being in a relationship or not.  If possible ofcourse I will always try to bring a romantically related plus 1, but if I was single, I’d like the option to bring a friend. As some of the previous posters have said, yeah even if you know a few people there it kinda sucks when you’re there a lone because you might not always get the chance to sit next to the people you know (they will always seat you with your plus one).

Naturally I would try to be mindful of who the plus one is if they are not romantically involved (preferably I would bring a friend who at least knows the bride and the groom so it will naturally be a familiar face).  Depends on who it is, I may or may not be willing to come alone.

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