(Closed) Bringing “other” plus ones

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You invited four people by name. Two can’t make it. You don’t owe them a plus one. If their fiances can’t make it, then you are not obligated to allow someone else to come in their place. It’s totally your call and etiquette is in fact on your side no matter which you choose to do.

Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You definitely don’t owe them a +1.  I’d respond and just tell them you are trying to keep the event as intimate and personal as possible and you’d prefer that they come alone.  

Post # 5
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

I agree, it is your call. That said, I once asked to substitute mr. sew (whom the bride had never met) with my mother (whom the bride knew very well), and she was okay with it. I thought both my mother and my friend would be happier that way, and for my case it was a good idea. 

Also I had a friend substitute his invited girlfriend with a buddy of his. We knew his buddy more than his gf, so it was more than fine with me. His friend was really a great guest and even brought us some home made fudge, so I’m glad he came.

Do you know the guy friend and brother at all? Are they fun people that would positively add to the celebration?

Post # 6
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

since they know each other, i don’t think you need to give them a plus one other than their hubbies to be.  i will admit, i once flew across country for my friends’ wedding and i literally knew NO other people there besides the bride and groom.  i was invited to bring my guy, but since we couldn’t both afford to fly out, i asked if i could bring a friend from the area.  maybe i’m just making excuses for myself, but i think when a person doesn’t know ANYONE else there, it is kind to let them bring a guest if they can’t bring their Fiance, but in this case, they should just suck it up.

Post # 9
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also agree that it is your call, but that said, I am allowing plus ones, even if they aren’t their significant other. I just think it is fair, since they are travelling, and when I travel, I prefer to have someone travel with me. It just seems safer that way.

Post # 11
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@LoveWedding: Then I would say, I am sorry, but we just don’t have the room. All the extra seats are taken.

Post # 12
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well, ultimately you’re in the right in that you invited their fiances, not random plus ones.  But you also said you’re mostly mad because you feel they’re being selfish – I don’t really see this as a selfish move.  They can’t afford to bring their fiances, and they want to bring a date.  You’re right, you totally don’t have to let them have one, but if you’d already figured their fiances into your budget and your guest count… I think this is an issue where you should let it slide.

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I can understand why they think they have an extra guest – but just be straightforward with them.  Thank them for letting you know that their FI’s can’t come but you’d like the to come alone and not with some ‘stranger’ you don’t know.  Maybe if you take that route, they’ll be a little more understanding.

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i may be in the minority here but i dont see how it makes a difference, you invited four people and you are getting 4 people. its still staying true to the original number you had planned for. so i dont see how its selfish of them to suggest this. its not like they are bringing an additional person as well as their significant other and trying to raise up your overall number of invited people. 

Post # 15
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We had the same thing happen to us and I caved.  It still bothers me.

Post # 16
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@bells: I feel that it’s one thing to pay for people you know and very different to pay for someone you have never met. Just my opinion.

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