(Closed) bringing up stories of his exes/flings (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@txbella:  Have you talked to him and told him that you dont like it and asked him to stop? My Fi says he hates it when I get mad him for doing something but i dont tell him what he is doing.

Post # 4
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Fiance and I do this at times.  It’s not because we’re necessarily reminscing though.  Just bringing up the fact that we’ve been through something particular or whatever the situation may be.  I suggest you talk to him though if it truly upsets you.  I’m sure he’s speaking of these things without even realizing it.

Post # 5
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I suggest you tell bluntly (and politely) tell him “I don’t want to hear anecdotal stories about your ex.  They make me uncomfortable.  I am requesting that you stop.”  Of course something might slip in every now and then, but you say he has been doing it for years, so he probably thinks there is nothing wrong with it.  

Maybe your fighting fire with fire will work.  I have tried that in the past.  It didn’t work for me, because it was unnatural for me and I didn’t do it so well.  Maybe it will work for you.

Post # 6
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

It might be best to stop the games and just tell him that you don’t like it when he talks about ex-girlfriends. 


When we were taking our pre-marital quiz thing, one of the questions was about our FI’s most annoying habit.  Mr. Mink told me one thing and I haven’t done it since.  I told him one thing and he hasn’t done it since.  🙂

Post # 7
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Wow, that would make me so uncomfortable. I don’t want to know anything about my partners past flings. I would have lost it and yelled at him to shut up about her, but that’s just me.

So does he manage to slip her into the conversation all the time? Cos that does sound a bit weird…

Post # 8
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I find that a little weird as well. I mean if it happens here and there then okay it shouldnt be THAT big of a deal…but then again it also depends on the contex of WHY hes bringing up an ex. If he is doing it ALL the time then I think there is a problem. I know it would effect my realtionship a lot if my SO did that, Sorry dear…I hope things work out for you.

Post # 9
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Tell him to stop. Diplomatically, without games– just “I don’t like hearing anecdotes about you and your ex, please stop bringing them up.”

I also think it’s a little strange that he’s been doing this for years? During the first year of a relationship, sure, things remind you of things you’ve done before… but past the newness of a relationship, I feel like most people stop bringing up previous experiences with partners (unless it’s something highly unusual/unique). 

Post # 11
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I’m in the great minority here, but we talk about our past relationships (both on emotional and sexual levels). I have a really good relationship with most of my exes and he LOVES to tell the same 20 stories over and over again. Neither of us mind, if we didn’t want to be together we wouldn’t so hearing about his past only gives me insight into understanding him now

Post # 12
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@txbella:  I would remind him again, and keep reminding him every time he says something– maybe he doesn’t realize how often he brings up exes. 

And I don’t think it’s insecure of you– like it’s fine every once in a while for him to mention an ex, but it seems like you’re more annoyed by the frequency of the comments?  I’d be annoyed if my FI/friend/whoever always told stories about what they did one time with someone else… okay! stop comparing me to people! Let’s make our own fun!

Perhaps this is just how his brain works, but he can say things to himself rather than aloud. 

Post # 13
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mcklough:  I feel this way too.

We both talk about our pasts… I think it’s nice to know why he is the way he is today. Our past shaped our future type deal.


Post # 14
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@mcklough Joining you in that same minority. My husband and I talked extensively about our past relationships (as with you, emotionally, sexually, factually, etc). We were not teenagers when we met, and had both had several short and long term relationships, and to both of us it seems to be “hiding” who we are to not share and talk about these things.


We talk about everything, nothing is off limits. It is very possible to talk about exes, or heck even current attractions, and still be respectful and loving of each other, and still be 100% committed to each other and your relationship.

The examples you mentioned don’t even seem quite as involved as the discussions my husband and I have had, they seem more like anectodal stories that come to mind (we share those too, of course). Even if he does not tell you, that does not mean he would stop remembering them and to me that would be losing out on a chance to know your SO more intimately.

But, I can only go by what you have written here. If he is bringing them up to make comparisons of you to them, or to try and raise jealousy, or something like that…that is a whole other can of worms and is not that “respectful and loving” way to do it as I mentioned earlier.




Post # 15
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have an ex who used to talk about exes to try and control me.  It was really annoying when I realized he was trying to condition my behavior by making me feel like I had to compete with his exes OR like I had to make sure not to do what his ex did.

That’s why he’s an ex.

I’m not saying that’s what your SO is doing, but the reason it’s upsetting you is probably why it upset me…I don’t need to compete with an ex or learn from an ex’s mistakes.  Shut up.  I’m my own person and if you have a problem with me, tell me, don’t tell me a story about your ex.  He may not mean to do it, but it’s ridiculous that he’s bringing up the exes this often.

Glad you’re fighting fire with fire, hopefully that will turn him around.  Good luck!

Post # 16
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’m with OP on this one. My Darling Husband and I talked about our exes in the dating phase, and I feel like that was good enough to figure out where he was when I met him. 

I also don’t enjoy hearing about ex stories, because he married me, not any of them. He is entitled to keep those memories; I just don’t want to hear about how someone else enjoyed my husband in the same way I do. ew.

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