(Closed) broke bitch

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Hostess
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We are much older than you (I was 32 and Darling Husband 38 at our wedding in Augus).  And we both make decent money. However, we also prioritized buying our house after we got engaged over an immediate wedding.  

We had a long engagement – nearly two years. the long engagement enabled us to find a better deal on the venue, which we booked more than a year out. It also helped that we were able to spread payments to vendors out over a longer period of time. 

Sometimes I would feel frustrated or sad because our engagement was so long. We had numerous friends and family members who got engaged after we did and had their weddings before us and each time we went to their weddings, I would feel a little bummed out. But I am so glad we have our house. And I am so glad we waited and saved up to have the weding we wanted. 

With that said, courthouse weddings are very sweet and can be awesome. When I interned in a courthouse, I got to witness many, and saw some very lovely affairs. And my parents had a courthouse wedding nearly 35 years ago and are still going strong. 

Congratulations on buying a home, Bee. That’s a huge step that your future self will thank you for!!

Post # 33
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

brikachu:  Honestly, do what’s best for you! Other people will have their opinions regardless of where and when your wedding is. If you and Fiance do what you want, that’s all that matters! Beautiful weddings can happen on a budget! Do you have a large yard at your house? If so, maybe you can have a beautiful backyard wedding!! You can either borrow tables and chairs from family and friends or rent them. You can self cater, or just do simple catering from a local restaurant. If it’s at your home, you have full control of the date, time, how soon you can set up… and it’s free! If you guys like to BBQ, there is nothing wrong with a backyard BBQ with some music on a speaker from your ipod. If you wnat alcohol, you can get bottles of wine for the tables, or set up a self service bar table! Costco will be a huge money saver if you self cater and offer alcohol. So many great ideas you can do!

Post # 34
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

brikachu:  this article reminded me of your post: http://www.xojane.com/sex/i-gave-up-my-dream-wedding

If getting married trumps the wedding for you, it will still be meaningful and beautiful at a low cost. If youd rather wait years to save for a wedding, thats fine too. Dont compare to people around you or this website. A lot of peoples parents pay for their fancy weddings, and not everyone has parents who can swing that. But its not some beacon of accomplishment to have a fancy wedding. Owning a home at your age however, is an accomplishment.

I say you have a beautiful low cost backyard wedding for your closest friends and family.

Post # 35
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

Definitely go to the courthouse. There is no reason why that cannot be just as beautiful as a $20k wedding. Its the union that is important, not the centerpieces and linens. If you have the money, opt for a dinner at a nice restaurant with your closest friends and family afterward. I think the intimacy of it all makes for a perfect wedding.

Post # 36
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My now Darling Husband and I are 46 years old and we just got married a month ago. Second marriages for both of us. Neither one of us had a fancy wedding the first time around. He got married at the courthouse with no effort towards making it special and I got married in parents’ house in front of the Christmas tree, with 11 guests. We had a small wedding cake and christmas cookies. Then Darling Husband and I went out to dinner by ourselves at a fancy restaurant and spent the night at a hotel on the water. 

For this marriage, we contemplated doing it up with a bigger wedding and started looking into it. I just couldn’t fathom the expense even for a small wedding. Between us we have 8 children, so we have a larger home and extra expenses. We are not wealthy by any means. I have a decent job, and Darling Husband works in an industry that doesn’t guarantee a regular income. Sometimes it can be great, other times we are struggling. It just seemed silly, in our circumstance, to go into debt for a party. I just wanted something nice that would provide good memories.

So we eloped to a seaside town three hours away from where we live. We stayed at a B&B for two nights. Our ceremony was on a sailboat on the water. For $375 we had a two hour tour, plus ceremony, officiant, and photography. We brought along 1/2 dozen gourmet cupcakes to share and I had cupcake toppers made with our initials and wedding date. I bought a long white lace dress on Amazon for $40 and got shoes for $12. We got DH’s suit at goodwill for $17. I made my bouquet and his bout out of silk flowers for about $25. I also bought him a $100 bottle of scotch and had shot glasses engraved with our names and wedding dates (his wedding present). After our sail and ceremony, we had a pedi-cab pick us up (all decorated) and take us on a mini tour of the historic district of the town before dropping us off at a fancy restaurant (because the cab was decorated and we were wearing wedding clothes, pedestrians would clap and yell “congratulations” as we passed – it was so sweet). The restaurant was nice, but honestly, I probably would’ve been happier going to a more casual, less expensive place. 

All in all, with the cost of the B&B (for two nights) and a rental car (for three days) to get to the town, we spent about $1300 total. We have pictures and awesome memories of a wonderful day meant just for us. 

The point is there are so many ways to have that special wedding – it doesn’t have to be expensive or the way everyone else does it. I love reading about truly unique weddings and was inspired by those. My day was perfect and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. 

Post # 37
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

We had a medium sized wedding with lots of bells and whistles. We also argued a lot about the cost. Although beautiful, not worth it. I think that people who are elope are total badasses. My only advice would be to invest in a nice dress and a good photographer. 

Post # 38
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Look around at courthouse locations before you decide.  I got married at the county in Napa Valley and if the weather is nice, and it almost always is, they will go across the street to the beautiful, recently renovated 1800’s courthouse surrounded by rose gardens, for $130 including the license and officiant.  

Post # 42
Member
5897 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

 

brikachu:  Definetly don’t go into debt for a wedding.

Honestly, most people can’t afford to get married at 23, especially if they are home owners.  I wouldn’t feel bad about that.  I thikn you have two really good options:

1) Wait until you’ve got the cash.  You could save up money and then have a modest wedding in a few years when you can affod it.  Tons of people on these boards have weddings for $5-10k. 

2) Elope now.  Elopments are romantic and sweet.  You can do something simple outside of the courthouse with a few special touches for very little money.  In most places you can hire an officiant for ~$100.  If it’s just the two of you you could get married in your home or at an outdoor location for free.  Think of the beautiful spots in your town – wouldn’t it be lovely to get married there?  Wear your best clothes (that you already own) pick up some flowers from the grocery store to hold, and celebrate afterwards by going out to a nice restaurant in your town.  Ask a friend to come along to take pictures or spring a few hundred bucks to hire someone to do it.  If you can afford a mini-moon close to your home go for it, or have a “honeymoon at home.”  Make it special by breaking out some new lingere, maybe going out to do some tourist activities in your own town, or doing whatever else it is you guys like to do together.  All of this can be done for $200-1000 based on which options you choose.

Good luck!  Getting married when your young is challenging and includes some tradeoffs, but at the end of the day it’s the marriage that counts.

Post # 43
Member
607 posts
Busy bee

brikachu:  We aren’t struggling but we aren’t well off. If I were in your position I would take another year. Save our butts off and do a back yard wedding. Costco food and booze.

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